Why do men future fake?

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This happened to me 5 years ago. I wasted 7 years with a man who kept saying we would marry but then would always find a reason not to. Looking back now, I think he knew for the last 3 years of our relationship that he didn't ever want to be with me. My lovely goddaughter has just had it happen to her. Why do men do this?
I know there can't be a definitive answer, just interested to discuss it

I wonder would men's behaviour change if the 'common law wife' was actually a legal thing?

That is to say, if the partner who has a man's children was entitled to half his assets, the home they share, etc. if he decided to end the relationship.

Yeah they should do that. I think they have a law like that in Australia after cohabitation 2 years.

I think this is a fair point. People have a different view of relationships and long term partnerships than perhaps was the norm or socially acceptable. I think as long as each partner is honest that together today doesn't mean together forever, that's fine. And it leaves the people who are clear marriage is forever to be with people who feel the same. But it doesn't work that way in real life because people aren't honest

Lots of women on Mumsnet and perhaps your friends and neighbours..based on threads here

There's your answer, OP.

Why is not wanting to get married and have children something which is selfish and immature?

So he didn’t want to marry her then.

Well he did and he asked her to marry him
but she said no as she wanted a big expensive wedding

and now she probably realised that marriage would be better for her he no longer wants to get married and I don’t blame him

As women isn’t the far more interesting and illuminating question, why do we not see it earlier?

One word: convenience.

They like being in a relationship, and enjoying the perks that come with that-sex, companionship, status...etc.

I think it's fairly obvious what the man is getting out of this situation. What is unclear is what the woman is getting from it.

I think the more pertinent question is why do women stay with men who aren't giving them what they want? I get that you hear what you want to hear so when he says, "Not just yet," you're hearing, "Soon," when it should be, "Never."

I think more women would be better off if they set themselves deadlines in these kinds of situations. I'm not saying give an ultimatum, but be clear about what you want, and be prepared to leave if they're not giving it to you. None of this-oh, I'll just hang on for another year when he gets this promotion, we make this and that move...

Women don't get the luxury of hanging around for years after a man if she wants children. Biology isn't on our side. So, if kids are on the cards-it's time to think forward and make moves in line with that and not waste precious time on men who will never give you what you want.

It's definitely not immature or selfish. I don't want to do either. Never have, and never will.

But, I do think it is selfish and immature to string someone along who does want those things when you know you don't, you know?

I assume because they're not psychic and have no idea how they'll feel in 5 years and because their SO is constantly asking them "so where is this relationship goinggg???"

That’ll teach her.

Men only care about their dick. Many of them manage to maintain some kind of facade of decency but they still care about their dick more than anything else. They will lie, cheat tear their family apart for the benefit of their dick.

Because men seem to struggle more with being single than women do. They want somebody to provide domestic labour and sex.

And they don’t have a biological clock.

So they keep a woman as a placeholder while they continue to seek a woman they actively would want to be with for as long as the placeholder lets him dick her around.

In summary they Future Fake to keep you around. That simple really.

The only way to avoid it is to be clear with yourself on what your timelines are and be ready to walk.

This as well.

No idea if it taught her or not

but I wouldn’t marry someone if I asked them to marry me and they refused because they wanted a big insta style wedding

then decided later when it is more in there interest to get married change their mind

I don’t think women Future Fake. Not to the extent men do.

The biological clock prevents it. Women are more likely to actively seek the men they want not wasting a man’s time. And if they cannot get the one they want, and want kids, then they settle for the one they can get.

I agree with this.

Apparently I’m a man!

So he did not genuinely want to marry her then,

No he didn’t want to spunk 30k grand on a wedding
he asked her to marry him she said no

now she wants to get married because they have had a baby and I guess she thinks that being married is better for her but he’s not bothered now

if I asked someone to marry me and they said no because tthey wanted a big insta wedding

and then 2 years later it was ok we can get married now because I realise I’m in a not so good situation and it’s more beneficial if I get married I wouldn’t want to marry them either

The data shows that women are still doing the bulk of emotional and domestic labour.

Then the data shows they’re idiots tbh.

It’s not when they’re honest with their partner and find someone who wants the same thing as them. Very different when they lie for years about what they want and waste a woman’s childbearing years.