DH’s defence of his calamitous weekend - am I ‘nagging’?

[BrightJen]

Hi all,

I’ve had enough this weekend and need to vent. I am at my wits end with my DH, to give you an idea of how our weekend has gone, I’ve thought it easier to bullet point:

-We attended a local VE Day picnic on Saturday. DH went out to get the bits for this. He comes back with a family pack of sausage rolls and a share bag of crisps. That’s it. There’s us plus two DC.

-DH is miserable when we are getting ready, like he didn’t want to go and one of my DC even commented to me he was in a mood.

-At the event, he moaned there was nothing to do (there was stuff for kids, a band, play ride etc) and just looked like he didn’t want to be there.

-Our DC went to get an ice cream and during this time I saw him stare at a woman on multiple occasions. He may as well have been open mouthed gawping. He denied this (I understand people are only human and will notice others, but this was ridiculous and uncomfortable)

-Today, I took one of our DC to an event linked to their hobby and was out from 10-5. I asked DH to go to the supermarket before closing at 4 to get dinner. He somehow mismanaged his time to miss the closing.

-He said not to worry and he’d sort it, and went to a local petrol station. The shelves were bare however and he returned with a mis-match of instant noodles, a pasty and tinned beans/sausages. Ridiculous. We haven’t got the money spare for a takeaway this weekend.

We’ve had a discussion this evening and he’s basically taken no responsibility for anything and said he is sick of me ‘nagging’. He said I should have given him a list for the picnic if I was that set on certain things and that he can’t even admire another woman without me getting jealous (bollocks).

I said admiring a woman is as close as he will get if he keeps on like this. He told me that he couldn’t help but look at her and he (quoted exactly) ‘hopes her husband utilises that arse’. Yes, he used the word ‘utilises’ when describing another woman’s body part.

Sorry for the long post, but any reassurance that I’m not being totally unreasonable would be welcome!

What is the backstory? Is he always incompetent at shopping for food etc? And is he always a misogynist?

What use is he, honestly? He can't feed his family, disrespects his wife, objectifies other women and is moody and ruins everyone's day. Grim.

He's a disrespectful idiot using weaponised incompetence

Weaponised incompetence plus disrespect shown in public and in private.

Wow.

what was the initial attraction that made it seem like a good idea to have kids by this man-child who clearly dislikes his own family?!

What a useless prick!

is weaponised incompetence a new mum's net buzz word?

Your husband is a disrespectful, incompetent arse.

Awful, just awful. Not all men are like this, you can do better.

Sounds like a useless pig.

Wanker. I'd get rid. He has no respect for you, I'm sorry to say. I wish you a better life.

He sounds gross and is a misogynist. I couldn’t bear to stand one second in this man’s company, not sure how you manage full-time OP!

What a revolting pig you married.

How on god’s good earth did he manage to miss the supermarket being open when he had ALL day? I mean, that’s really useless. The food he brought back from the garage is clearly insufficient-is there nothing in the freezer? I hate to raise adhd, but is he? Time management/organisation is a key problem. I bet he isn’t this useless at work!

The objectifying of the woman would give me major ick, as would the uselessness. When you have dc, the outings are about them, they pretty much have to be when they’re little.

Weaponised incompetence is doing a task so badly that you won't be asked again. It's a popular tactic of teenagers and men, and is nothing new.
HTH

I'd be forgetting to buy any food for him from now on and I'd be getting my ducks in a very neat row.

Sorry but it sounds like he didn't want to go to the picnic so couldn't be bothered actually purchasing items correctly and was possibly deliberate in doing it wrong (in the hope of getting out of it, or just not having to do a job he doesn't think is relevant to him). Likewise getting the food shop. What was he doing all day if he didn't make it to the shop before closing time? I would be furious as he had all day to do this. Again is it deliberate to avoid being asked to do this and to make a point that it would be 'easier' if you did it.

Sounds like a moronic wanker.

Is there any point to him at all?
He is a useless letcherous misogynist

Was his weekend calamitous or was it calculated? I know what I think.
He’s selfish, disrespectful and obstructive.

What is the fucking point of him? Genuinely.

He hasn't fed his family, he's disrespectful and he's spoiled your day out with face like a slapped arse. You pull him up on it and you're accused of nagging. I would say he's behaved like a teenager but I actually think that's unfair on teenagers!

If he didn’t want up go to the picnic he shouldn’t have gone. He does need to pull his weight still however. The comment about the woman’s bottom was really weird.

Yuck

Utilises? Ugh. Dirty bastard. Get rid

Simply put he's deflecting back on you because you called out his shitty behaviour!
He's not doing the bare minimum simply because he doesn't want to. Having a family means you don't get that luxury things need to be done, house needs to tick over etc.

I would be readdressing the balance and that's for everything, either he wants to be part of the family or not. He doesn't get to sulk like a teenager.