DD is in Year 12. Her school runs a ‘Year 12 leadership day’ every year on the last day before May half-term with two half-day activities - usually army-style fitness and debating.
Dd certainly hasn’t been looking forward to this - not so much the debating part (she’s good at English/history and can put together strong arguments) but the army fitness element really isn’t her thing. She’s rubbish at PE but probably more to the point, she struggles socially, and just can’t get on board with ‘enforced fun’ type activities that require everyone to make a fool of themselves in front of others.
She previously had to do an army fitness afternoon in Year 9 - she had been begging me to let her skip it for weeks but I took the line that it’s important to do things that don’t come naturally to you and made her go in. Additionally, honesty is incredibly important to me and I’ve never been willing to lie to the school and tell them she’s ill when she isn’t. However, as soon as she got home she proudly told me that she’d done one activity and then told the teachers she felt dizzy and sat out the rest of the afternoon.
She hadn’t asked to skip the day this time around - I imagine she was planning to sit most of the fitness activities out again like she did in Year 9. However, she found out on Friday that the morning activity isn’t debating but instead a stand-up comedy workshop, which is her absolute worst nightmare. The prospect of having to stand up in front of her peers and try to tell jokes while no one laughs is totally terrifying and humiliating for her.
The usual lines about school preparing for you for adult life where you sometimes have to do things you don’t want aren’t going to work here - as she’s pointed out repeatedly, I’ve never had to do a stand-up comedy workshop or an army fitness day at work… When I tried to discuss it with her calmly this afternoon it ended up with her hyperventilating and having a full-blown panic attack. It took nearly an hour to get her breathing normally again.
She’s now said she simply isn’t going into school on that day, and it’s up to me whether I lie and tell them she’s ill, or if I tell the truth. She’s 17 and I can’t physically force her onto the school bus against her will, so I guess that’s the decision I have to make.
On the one hand, if I tell the school the truth, I worry that it will reflect badly on her - the school have been clear that they expect 100% attendance - and it could maybe even impact the reference they give her for her UCAS application next year (may well be paranoia on my part).
On the other hand, even if I say she’s ill, I’m fairly sure her teachers will see right through it - they know her and they’re fully aware this day is her worst nightmare. Plus she’s never missed school due to illness before so it would be pretty convenient for her to suddenly be ill now. And as I mentioned above, honesty is a key value of mine - I will find it very difficult to lie to the school, and I’m concerned that it’s Dd’s default response to get out of something she doesn’t want to do.
Would you lie to the school in this scenario?
(YABU = tell the school the truth / YANBU = lie and tell the school she’s ill)