To ask if I’m eating enough? **PLEASE READ OP'S RECENT POSTS BEFORE RESPONDING** Title edited by MNHQ

[mummytoonetryingfortwo]

I posted in the week about my husband being against me continuing to exercise, as I am pregnant with twins. We moved past that (I thought) after agreeing that I would stop running, start swimming and doing pregnancy specific workouts such as yoga and Pilates. We clashed on this because I had a bleed, just before I found out I was pregnant, and because it took us a long time to conceive.

My first pregnancy, I was young and at university, I was very unhealthy in my diet and gained a lot of weight, which I started to lose when my daughter was about 6 months old. Since then, I’ve been very responsible with my diet and activity. I’ve always focussed on fuelling myself properly and keeping active.

My husband is now concerned that I am not eating enough. My normal day of eating will look something like this:

Breakfast - full fat Greek yoghurt, berries, nuts, a small amount of honey, and chia seeds OR wholemeal sourdough toast (from a bakery, not the supermarket), avocado, scrambled eggs (made with real butter) and tomatoes on the side.

Lunch - some combination of a lean protein, vegetables and a carb. Rice, salmon and a salad with a soy sauce dressing has been something I’ve been craving lately.

Dinner - again, a protein, vegetables and a carb. We tend to cycle through steaks, chicken, lots of charred greens, rice or pasta.

Snacks - I have made a concerted effort to add more snacks because of the fact I’m pregnant. I’ll have veggies with hummus, celery sticks or apple with peanut butter, sometimes some chocolate or just fruit, but not that often.

I’ve counted calories for the last three days to show him I’m eating, and I’m hitting about 1800 to 2000 calories a day. He thinks this isn’t enough, and that I’ll be losing weight. Is this enough?

Please read the full thread.

I only read the first page so may have missed something sorry if so

When you open a really long thread about a sensitive issue it's best to read all OP's posts at least before commenting. If you haven't got time to do that, consider whether your comment is likely to be relevant still...

OP, I have lived with someone who had an ED. Can I just say that the fact that you have even come back to this forum to update everyone shows you are absolutely not a failure and you have made the first steps in the right direction. You can do this for your babies 💐. The dietician sounds great, hopefully will be a lot more experienced in EDs than your GP.

Just went back and read all the op posts and tbh makes no sense to me why all of a sudden a gp wants to advice her to eat 4000 calories?! But good luck OP and maybe just go back to your normal routine after giving birth and everything will work out fine.

because it's going to be his baby too?

Jesus Christ 🤦🏼‍♀️

Look how much progress you’ve made in a very short period of time. Previously you didn’t even seem at all open to considering you needed help and now you’re recognising the problem. If you take on board the advice given and trust that your partner and professionals have your best interests in mind I have no doubt you can get better as it sounds like you’ve got good support around you.

You’re definitely not a failure, you are doing the best for yourself and your family x

Not at all. I’m a teacher and I’ve seen how easy it is to slip into disordered thinking about food. It is incredibly addictive thinking and so so easy to do.

What you have done is very brave. You have taken some massive steps - reaching out here and then listening to the comments, even though they were incredibly painful to read.

You have not damaged your daughter to the point of no return. And working with your husband you can fix it so she has a healthy relationship with food.

You must be feeling so overwhelmed. And probably very very tired right now. Sleep and be kind to yourself.

You’re most definitely not a failure! Eating disorders sneak up on you. They infiltrate your brain and warp your thinking. This is not your fault! EDs are nasty, insidious things and they can grab hold of anyone.

You’ve already made a massive step forward - acknowledging you have difficulties. That’s one of the biggest steps and you’ve done it. Be proud.

What you’ve written sounds very promising. The ED voice won’t go away in a snap of the fingers, but it will gradually recede and even if you hear it you’ll recognise it for what it is - a sneaky false friend that doesn’t have your interests at heart and is whispering rubbish to you.

Wishing you a healthy and happy future xx

@mummytoonetryingfortwo you are not ridiculous or a failure my lovey, you are very ill.

I think you are very brave for seeking help and it sounds like the dietitian you have seen knows what she is doing and had some good suggestions, and remember your DH is on your team ! Good luck and if you need support or just a chat then do check out the Eating Disorder section.

You couldn't be less of a failure, you've already done some really difficult things because you are a good mum and really trying to do the best for your family. Eating disorders are scary and hard to deal with, but you took the first steps and you didn't even let the initial setback of your GP's crap advice put you off getting help. You're doing brilliantly. Hopefully now you have access to someone who knows what they're talking about and with that and the support of your husband you can do this.

It's an illness, like any other, but because it's mental in origin rather than physical we tend to blame ourselves, and that feeling can be reinforced by other people's lack of understanding. My autistic daughter has been dealing with anxiety, depression, OCD, and PTSD over the last few years and she has said on occasion that she wishes there was something physical wrong with her, because then people would really believe she's ill. You are ill, not a failure or a bad mum, you need care not blame from anyone but especially not from yourself. Look after yourself, treat yourself gently and I wish you every success with your health and your pregnancy.

You are not a failure OP. Disordered eating is psychological and it is so powerful, with so many emotions entwined.
You should be proud of yourself for seeking help. You have the plan now, accept the help and please try to stop thinking of yourself as a failure. You're growing your very much wanted babies and you need to look after yourself.

You are not a failure @mummytoonetryingfortwo. You have successfully recognised that there's an issue, you have successfully asked for help and you have successfully accepted that help. No failure to see here!

I know that it feels overwhelming at the moment and it probably feels like everyone around you are suggesting things that feel alien to you. Stick with it and keep following the advice of your dietitian, they have your best interests at heart.
Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing the right thing by getting help to make sure you have two healthy babies. Wishing you all the best.

Why would that concern you @mummytoonetryingfortwo? You are so far form that scenario that your concerns are not based on anything remotely close to reality. Your thinking around food doesn’t sound healthy.

Your husband is worried about you and your babies. Maybe he is seeing something you’re not ready to see at the moment.

Apologies, can’t edit my post to say I had missed your latest update.

You've done really well to recognise that you need some help. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I have been for the blood test this morning (I truly cannot believe how much better and faster the private system has been to the NHS, the level of support is unrivalled) and I have been told results should be available in a few hours. After that, I’ll be seeing a private GP to work on a plan for any supplements etc I need

I am so pleased that you have reached out for help and support. The last thing on your mind, whilst pregnant with twins, is your weight.

I hope that you find peace for the rest of your pregnancy.

Dont forget that not every calorie increase needs to be based on fats or sugar! You can increase your kcals in a healthy way, eating whole foods, that wont affect GD risk.

Thank you @ellie09🩷

My blood test isn’t brilliant, but it’s not awful. I’ve low iron, low vitamin d, low calcium. I’m being prescribed supplements

All easy fixes hopefully with some supplements!

The main thing is that you and babies are healthy ❤

Wishing you the best!

hopefully your dietician as well will be aware so she can tailor your diet as well to make sure you are getting it at source and not just supplements

I’m going to pass it on, but the doctor would like to get me on supplements to get it up as soon as possible, and then the long term solution of the diet

Definitley get the supplements just don’t see that as a solution over the diet