To ask if I’m eating enough? **PLEASE READ OP'S RECENT POSTS BEFORE RESPONDING** Title edited by MNHQ

[mummytoonetryingfortwo]

I posted in the week about my husband being against me continuing to exercise, as I am pregnant with twins. We moved past that (I thought) after agreeing that I would stop running, start swimming and doing pregnancy specific workouts such as yoga and Pilates. We clashed on this because I had a bleed, just before I found out I was pregnant, and because it took us a long time to conceive.

My first pregnancy, I was young and at university, I was very unhealthy in my diet and gained a lot of weight, which I started to lose when my daughter was about 6 months old. Since then, I’ve been very responsible with my diet and activity. I’ve always focussed on fuelling myself properly and keeping active.

My husband is now concerned that I am not eating enough. My normal day of eating will look something like this:

Breakfast - full fat Greek yoghurt, berries, nuts, a small amount of honey, and chia seeds OR wholemeal sourdough toast (from a bakery, not the supermarket), avocado, scrambled eggs (made with real butter) and tomatoes on the side.

Lunch - some combination of a lean protein, vegetables and a carb. Rice, salmon and a salad with a soy sauce dressing has been something I’ve been craving lately.

Dinner - again, a protein, vegetables and a carb. We tend to cycle through steaks, chicken, lots of charred greens, rice or pasta.

Snacks - I have made a concerted effort to add more snacks because of the fact I’m pregnant. I’ll have veggies with hummus, celery sticks or apple with peanut butter, sometimes some chocolate or just fruit, but not that often.

I’ve counted calories for the last three days to show him I’m eating, and I’m hitting about 1800 to 2000 calories a day. He thinks this isn’t enough, and that I’ll be losing weight. Is this enough?

I think you sound a little fixated which isn't healthy. Maybe speak to your GP or midwife.

omg, so does he want you to sit on the sofa for 9 months stuffing for face in order to justify his immense sacrifice at having to give up his societies at uni??!
Your diet is fine OP and you don’t need to give up running
sounds like you didn't read all the posts.

So you’ll continue to undereat because of some unfounded fear of getting fat? No-one says you have to gain 4 stone. As you’re (just) in the normal weight range, your suggested weight gain is 37 to 54lbs. So just over 2 and 1/2 stone to 3 stone 12lbs. You’ll probably put on closer to 3 stone, so let’s say 40lbs minus the 30lbs you’ll lose in the first couple of weeks after delivery (see above). You won’t even be 9 stone.

Your BMI would be 25.2 which is just barely into the overweight category if you weren't pregnant. For someone having twins it is not enough weight gain.

But you aren't able to listen to the professional advice or accept it, which to me is the very essence of an eating disorder. Please get some support.

BMI and weight gain in pregnancy don’t mean you are overweight though OP, you are carrying babies inside you, it’s not fat.

You started this thread and you asked the question.

At some level, you must know that you’ve got an issue here.

Don’t go doubling down just because posters are pissing you off.

I suggest logging off Mumsnet and having a really honest conversation with yourself, your husband and your midwife.

Good luck to you and your children.

Absolutely untrue. I'm slim and can think of many things that would be far, far worse than being fat. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt up to now, but this post indicates that you have quite an unhealthy perspective.

Do you understand that BMI categories mean nothing in pregnancy? Growing babies, extra tissue to support pregnancy etc is different to gaining fat.

@Tiswa

so do you expect her to force down more at the end of the day even if she isn’t hungry and doesn’t want it?

FFS! You won’t be overweight, you’ll be pregnant with twins!!

I put on 2 and 1/2 stone in one of my pregnancies, and it was almost amusing to see the scales say that as I’d never seen that number before, but I certainly didn’t look fat. My bust had grown, my baby was obvious, my hips were slightly fuller - but I still looked like me and slim if you mentally disregarded the bump and bust.

I lost weight immediately (baby weight, placenta, amniotic fluid, and general fluid) and then the rest came off naturally.

Nobody is saying that, but maybe changing the details of her diet to prioritise healthy, nutrient dense higher calorie foods would be a good idea to support the growth of two babies.

No I think she should get professional advice and a proper diet plan in place as I have said many times over the course of this thread before IMO it became clear she either wasnt real or wasn’t going to listen.

I have seen firsthand what her kind of attitude can do to a daughter

No, to increase her meals and add snacks. A bowl of Greek yoghurt and seeds for breakfast is yummy but hardly enough to sustain a twin pregnancy; she rarely eats fruit; thinks homemade fruit crumble is unspeakable; has been asked to reduce her excessive exercise; and thinks a Size 10 is fat. I suspect she’s limiting her carbs as well as her calories.

There are plenty of ways to add calories and nutrition during the day.

I doubt it. That’s the nature of an ED - absolute fixation on the numbers.

My goodness so many of you are horrible. Eager to label me as a bad mother and diagnose me with an eating disorder. And this is exactly why I won’t be mentioning it to any medical professionals. You’ve all decided I’m going to fuck up my daughter.

Ohhh Huni, do not watch your weight (in the scales sense) when pregnant, you will put weight on ... but most of it will be water, babies and your placenta.

As long as you eat a healthy balanced diet and eat when hungry, never calorie watch you and your babies will be fine. If you try to manage your weight whilst pregnant you will cause harm to yourself and potentially your babies which is exactly what you are trying not to do. I think your husbands concerns are deeper rooted than the initial post suggests as he knows you, and he might be able to see signs that we can't from reading a post. I think you need to discuss your concerns and his with a healthcare professional to get the right advice for you and your unborn babies.

BMI is garbage and do not watch it as it's an archaic measuring tool that actually means nothing in reality. Please don't try to limit your food intake whilst pregnant.

@BreatheAndFocus

how do you know she was doing excessive exercise?
running during pregnancy is absolutely fine and not excessive

I wouldnt recommend calorie counting when pregnant. You should eat intuitively.

If you feel a need to count calories and restrict intake, there is something wrong with your mindset.

From reading your original post, what you eat is really nutritious and great for you and baby. I also applaud keeping active.

But if you are honestly scared of weight gain and proactively trying to prevent it, then you have a problem.

Weight gain is NORMAL in pregnancy, especially twin pregnancies, and if you eat as well as you do and exercise, you will be back to pre baby weight afterwards in no time.

Just enjoy your pregnancy, eat what you enjoy and chill out!

No, you won’t be mentioning it because you know you’re restricting your calories and you don’t want them to find out.

All the people saying you have disordered eating aren’t doing it to be horrible. It’s out of concern (and horror, sometimes, I’d guess). You’re eating what I’d call a slimmers diet when you’re pregnant with twins. You’re purposely restricting your food because you have an unfounded fear of gaining weight. You have a warped view of weight (8.5 stone is not fat!) and an unhealthy relationship with food.

Your husband has already expressed concern. If you don’t want to seek help, get him to help you or seek help with you. You can also request that you don’t see the scales when you’re weighed if you find the number triggering.

I would lose weight on that diet without being pregnant. I'd keep an eye on your weight.

I am sorry OP and I admit this is personal to me (though not me) but how will you feel if your DD does get fat - it is a question I hope you think about and how you will handle it and how you will handle it.

and just ask a dietician for a proper diet for a twin pregnancy they can do that without knowing any of the other crap and follow it

Her husband expressed concern and the OP agreed to amend her exercise schedule. She said she’d previously had bleeding. Both the women I know who had twins were told that running needed to be run past the OB (sorry for the pun) because of the extra weight on the pelvic floor in a twin pregnancy. Neither of them ran. They both swam, which is something the OP has said she’s changed to.

And that's why you have disordered eating. One stone more or less will be babies. Another half stone or more will be placentas. The rest will be amniotic fluid. If you don't gain 2.5 stones you'll be starving yourself as those babies are going to grow regardless and will leach your body of all essential nutrients and fuck you up probably for the long term.

My daughter is being raised to be healthy and not be overweight.

If you genuinely believed your approach was correct, you wouldn't be concealing it from your medical professionals. That in itself makes it quite clear you have a problem.

I'm sorry but you absolutely cannot control your daughter's weight. What happens if she defies you and eats more than you think she should?