To ask if I’m eating enough? **PLEASE READ OP'S RECENT POSTS BEFORE RESPONDING** Title edited by MNHQ

[mummytoonetryingfortwo]

I posted in the week about my husband being against me continuing to exercise, as I am pregnant with twins. We moved past that (I thought) after agreeing that I would stop running, start swimming and doing pregnancy specific workouts such as yoga and Pilates. We clashed on this because I had a bleed, just before I found out I was pregnant, and because it took us a long time to conceive.

My first pregnancy, I was young and at university, I was very unhealthy in my diet and gained a lot of weight, which I started to lose when my daughter was about 6 months old. Since then, I’ve been very responsible with my diet and activity. I’ve always focussed on fuelling myself properly and keeping active.

My husband is now concerned that I am not eating enough. My normal day of eating will look something like this:

Breakfast - full fat Greek yoghurt, berries, nuts, a small amount of honey, and chia seeds OR wholemeal sourdough toast (from a bakery, not the supermarket), avocado, scrambled eggs (made with real butter) and tomatoes on the side.

Lunch - some combination of a lean protein, vegetables and a carb. Rice, salmon and a salad with a soy sauce dressing has been something I’ve been craving lately.

Dinner - again, a protein, vegetables and a carb. We tend to cycle through steaks, chicken, lots of charred greens, rice or pasta.

Snacks - I have made a concerted effort to add more snacks because of the fact I’m pregnant. I’ll have veggies with hummus, celery sticks or apple with peanut butter, sometimes some chocolate or just fruit, but not that often.

I’ve counted calories for the last three days to show him I’m eating, and I’m hitting about 1800 to 2000 calories a day. He thinks this isn’t enough, and that I’ll be losing weight. Is this enough?

🙄 Read the thread!

I’m talking about the OPs husband, who is he to tell her work she’s not going to be in? This should be OP lead not her husband. Is he like this in other aspects of your relationship OP?

@Jinglejanglenamechanged25

totally agree! It’s not up to him OP

I’m too tired to argue with him on this. If he thinks I shouldn’t be in, then I shouldn’t be

@mummytoonetryingfortwo

why exactly does he think you shouldn’t be in work?

Is that because he’s worn you down @mummytoonetryingfortwo ? He’s not your boss x

He thinks I’m run down from stress, not eating enough and just general pregnancy tiredness

Don’t let him isolate you have you got friends you can talk to about it?

She does if her GP says she does!!

Honestly, I can barely believe what I read here sometimes. How irresponsible to contradict medical advice given to somebody by their GP.

Plenty of friends, I’ll try to meet up with some for coffee this week if I feel up to it. I think morning sickness is starting to hit me now though

Because shockingly in some instances GPs do not have a clue at all about how to deal with these things.

@mummytoonetryingfortwo please don’t just increase your calories without proper professional input certainly not to an arbitrary level. I am not sure a rapid increase would have the desired outcome

hopefulmy you can get an appointment soon with someone who can really help

Oh that's poor, I'm sorry you got that response when you were brave enough to ask for help.

Beat are good, and might potentially be able to suggest other sources of help.

If you can find ways to increase calories without making your diet feel totally different it might be easier to cope with, things like full fat dairy rather than lower fat, olive oil based dressings on veg, that sort of thing, so that it's still real food rather than feeling like you have to eat upfs. Drinking your calories can sometimes be easier too, homemade smoothie maybe with full fat yogurt?

Good luck OP, I really hope you can access some better support that you got today.

@Snickersnack1

If your GP told you to jump off a cliff would you do it??GP’s are not infallible. And many don’t know as much as they should about women’s physical and/or mental health in particular during pregnancy, postpartum, etc

@mummytoonetryingfortwo

dont let him dictate to you OP

I wouldn’t jump off a cliff if a bunch of Mumsnetters told me to either! If GPs are fallible then online forums certainly are.

Regardless of any expertise you may or may not have in real life, here we only know you as Cherry Tree, with no credentials to your name, how is OP going to know which random Mumsnetter she should listen to if she starts doubting her doctor? By all means advise her to keep reaching out for support, but don’t go undermining the medical advice that she has had, and which she should be following until she receives more specialist support.

I don’t think he is dictating, he’s right that I am exhausted and could probably do with a few days rest

@mummytoonetryingfortwo

ok, well take some time off then! Relax and enjoy 😊

@Snickersnack1

i haven’t actually offered her any advice. Merely pointed out that GPs are often not as knowledgeable on women’s mental and physical health during pregnancy as they should be, and to not hesitate to seek a second opinion should she wish.

You haven’t given any advice, any yet you have sought to undermine her confidence in her GP by saying he is “clueless” and that she doesn’t need to follow his advice.

You don’t know the OPs situation. It is very likely she has an eating disorder, and seems she is coming round to that idea herself. You don’t have the whole picture of her health, and you don’t know the context of what exactly the doctor said to her.

And yet, based on nothing, you jump in and tell her that the doctor is clueless. Who are you to say that? If she does have an eating disorder, she cannot trust her own instincts on food and so needs to have faith in the advice by medical professionals.

Encouraging her to seek specialist support is fine.

Encouraging her to ignore the advice of the doctor is absolutely not fine.

@Snickersnack1 the GP does sound absolutely clueless you don’t just give a pregnant woman with an eating disorder a ridiculous calorie amount and tell her to get on with it. Doubling her daily calories just like that is a dangerous suggestion and could have physical and mental implications.

As is the 3,500 the OP and her husband have come up with

she needs specialised advice to get the correct diet for her physically (including the pregnancy) and mentally (to manage her disordered thinking)

I have spoken with a dietitian this morning, and will be meeting with her this afternoon

That’s great to hear OP

I hope this conversation has gone well and you have a plan going forward that you feel you can handle.

It’s all very overwhelming. She has given me the contact details for a private GP in light of mine being useless, and has suggested I take two weeks off sick. She has also suggested I get blood tests to check everything is fine. She’s also given me details of a few different therapists to refer myself to.

She’s given me a meal plan but there’s no mention of calories. She’s asked me to relinquish control of my diet to my husband for the two weeks that I’m off, to challenge my feelings of needing to control my food. So he has to cook the meals etc., and decide on serving sizes. She thinks if I did it I’d try to cut calories when I could. My husband has spoken to his work and he will be WFH for the next two weeks to support me. It’s all a bit overwhelming at the moment. She’s very concerned as I am quite forgetful and brain foggy - I’ve been calculating my current stage of pregnancy wrong, and she believes this is due to deficiencies. I’m terrified and feel utterly ridiculous and disgusting, but I’m hoping this is a good first step.

She has also recommended I eat separately from my daughter wt all mealtimes and has suggested what is, essentially, a therapist for her to undo the damage I’ve done with my mindset to food. I feel like an utter failure

If you’re eating 2000 cal obviously that’s not enough, that’s a lot of calories and you’re having 3 full meals plus snacks. If he thinks that’s not enough that’s very strange