To ask if I’m eating enough? **PLEASE READ OP'S RECENT POSTS BEFORE RESPONDING** Title edited by MNHQ

[mummytoonetryingfortwo]

I posted in the week about my husband being against me continuing to exercise, as I am pregnant with twins. We moved past that (I thought) after agreeing that I would stop running, start swimming and doing pregnancy specific workouts such as yoga and Pilates. We clashed on this because I had a bleed, just before I found out I was pregnant, and because it took us a long time to conceive.

My first pregnancy, I was young and at university, I was very unhealthy in my diet and gained a lot of weight, which I started to lose when my daughter was about 6 months old. Since then, I’ve been very responsible with my diet and activity. I’ve always focussed on fuelling myself properly and keeping active.

My husband is now concerned that I am not eating enough. My normal day of eating will look something like this:

Breakfast - full fat Greek yoghurt, berries, nuts, a small amount of honey, and chia seeds OR wholemeal sourdough toast (from a bakery, not the supermarket), avocado, scrambled eggs (made with real butter) and tomatoes on the side.

Lunch - some combination of a lean protein, vegetables and a carb. Rice, salmon and a salad with a soy sauce dressing has been something I’ve been craving lately.

Dinner - again, a protein, vegetables and a carb. We tend to cycle through steaks, chicken, lots of charred greens, rice or pasta.

Snacks - I have made a concerted effort to add more snacks because of the fact I’m pregnant. I’ll have veggies with hummus, celery sticks or apple with peanut butter, sometimes some chocolate or just fruit, but not that often.

I’ve counted calories for the last three days to show him I’m eating, and I’m hitting about 1800 to 2000 calories a day. He thinks this isn’t enough, and that I’ll be losing weight. Is this enough?

I've had twins and would say you need more calories. You do need extra calories for multiples, the advice that you don't until the end is for singleton pregnancies.
Also it sounds all very tightly controlled and healthy, is your husband concerned you are verging on orthorexia?
Drink some more milk and eat some cake on top of what you've got each day and you'll be grand.

I don't want to model daily cake etc. to my daughter. She knows things are fine in moderation, but she knows you don't need cake/crisps/chocolate daily

No, see I don’t think it is. I’m not sure I had any takeaways when pregnant. Why leap to takeaways from what I wrote?? That’s what I mean by extremes. You say you ate badly when pregnant before but have now shot to the other extreme, which is also not good.

You are being too strict with your food, and your examples of sweet treats just prove that. Why not have a homemade apple crumble and custard, for example? You’re purposely controlling your food intake in too strict a way, and not eating enough calories. The alternative isn’t to eat five takeaways a week and hourly bars of chocolate. It’s to add snacks and increase your daily calorie intake (see my link above).

"Why not have a homemade apple crumble and custard, for example?"

Because it's incredibly high in sugar (bad for the babies), and saturated fats, with little to no nutritional value

@333FionaG , She wants to know if she is taking in enough calories. It's quite sensible of her to keep an eye on how many or how few she's consuming.

"Counting calories" doesn't necessarily mean restricting them.

Oh I missed the multiple pregnancy bit, this makes sense then!

Thanks for highlighting

You are eating very healthily, that's more important than calories surely? If you do start to lose weight you can just eat extra then. You do sound quite strict around what you eat, but that seems to work for you. I don't think your husband should have a say at all, it would be different if you were eating crap all the time.

You don’t have a problem with your diet, you have a problem having a baby with a man who is controlling

Ok, but you don't need to have puddings to add extra calories. Have you calculated your TDEE? You need to add on at least 10% due to pregnancy. Then make sure you're hitting your calorie target and your macros. If you're coming in under, having a healthy additional snack would be ideal. No need for pudding at all if you don't want it.

My TDEE is, according to online calculators, around 2100 - but I don't think that's correct. Like I said, 1800-2000 calories a day is where I feel full, and healthy

Your DH is controlling OP it doesn’t matter how you frame it.

Your diet sounds fine to me, but you can always raise it with your Midwife at your next appointment, I would let them know what your DH is saying also. I couldn’t face food throughout my second pregnancy and hardly ate anything for the whole nine months, lots of women also suffer with HG throughout their pregnancies so I don’t think that eating a very healthy diet like yours will cause any issues tbh.

Do you think he is? I don’t really know what to do if he is, we’ve been together for so long

I completely agree with @LowDownBoyStandUpGuy.

Our bodies are brilliant at providing nutrients for a growing baby. I struggled with nausea/morning sickness throughout my 3 pregnancies and my diet went from pretty healthy to absolutely appalling. A typical day would be: some light retching for breakfast, some salty crackers and vitamin tablets mid morning, something beige like a cheese toastie or macaroni cheese for lunch, a slice of cheese topped with jalapeño peppers or gerkins for an afternoon snack and ice cream for dinner. I really struggled to eat any kind of volume in the third trimester (the price of a “neat bump”). Gained about 10kg I think. Babies were on time/slightly early weighing at or slightly over average. If your DH is struggling with feeling lack of control can’t he focus his energies on something useful like double buggies or getting the babies room ready rather than policing your body?

If you feel okay and your babies are growing as expected, you're fine.

I think, in all honesty, he has some conflicting feelings about this pregnancy. Like I mentioned, we had been struggling to conceive and were due to start IVF when we found out. I really wanted another baby, he didn’t mind too much either way. I think he had become used to the idea of just having one child, and while he’s happy, resents the future we’re now facing.

Have you lost any weight so far this pregnancy? Are you gaining the expected amount?

Oh, what rubbish! My homemade crumble has a teaspoon or two of sugar in per whole crumble max! Not high fat per portion either. It’s also full of fibre, fruit and healthy oats. You’re talking out of your proverbial now and making excuses.

Look, I see you. Deep down, you know you’re not eating enough but you won’t admit it. You’re worried about weight gain and you’ve implemented an unnecessarily strict diet. You know MN has its fair share of disordered eaters who’ll tell you half a tomato and three grapes is a perfectly normal lunch and you’re hoping to get validation here.

Every time someone says you’re not eating enough, you disagree and say eating very strictly is ‘how your body feels good’ or some such sentiment. I note you didn’t respond to my link above showing you’re not eating enough. I very much doubt you’ll take any notice of anyone here who says you need to eat more, but I urge you to eat more and all I can do is reassure you that you’ll be back to your normal weight easily.

If you don’t want desserts, you can easily increase your meal sizes and add wholesome snacks. Look at your Breakfast, for example:

Breakfast - full fat Greek yoghurt, berries, nuts, a small amount of honey, and chia seeds OR wholemeal sourdough toast (from a bakery, not the supermarket), avocado, scrambled eggs (made with real butter) and tomatoes on the side

Your yoghurt, etc, option is what most people would eat on a weight loss diet! It’s tasty, for sure, but there’s no reason why you can’t have that and some sourdough and egg or whatever.

I was intentionally losing weight before we found out. We found out late (I was about nine weeks) - I had very irregular cycles, took a test because I had a specific craving that I’d not had since I was pregnant with my daughter. Started bleeding, took a chance on a private scan and found out. Since then, I upped my calories and have maintained, I think, as I stopped weighing myself.

I would seek some proper medical advice here because I think actually you are under what is recommended for a twin pregnancy by at least 300 calories and I would say your protein intake is also under.

because truthfully this isn’t about just you and your weight but whether you are getting enough for a twin pregnancy and potentially you are not - and him saying it isn’t controlling it is concern I suspect

I would raise this with your midwife as you should be looking et 2,100 to 2,400

to me this sounds fine

Ok, all that sounds incredibly manipulative and quite worrying 😬

I’d say I’m eating about right. I don’t feel hungry by the end of the day.

That's more than enough food.

You're fine.

It isn’t about that though is it it is are you getting in enough nutrients and calories for your babies not whether you are feeling hungry

It is below the number of recommended calories for a twin pregnancy