To ask if I’m eating enough? **PLEASE READ OP'S RECENT POSTS BEFORE RESPONDING** Title edited by MNHQ

[mummytoonetryingfortwo]

I posted in the week about my husband being against me continuing to exercise, as I am pregnant with twins. We moved past that (I thought) after agreeing that I would stop running, start swimming and doing pregnancy specific workouts such as yoga and Pilates. We clashed on this because I had a bleed, just before I found out I was pregnant, and because it took us a long time to conceive.

My first pregnancy, I was young and at university, I was very unhealthy in my diet and gained a lot of weight, which I started to lose when my daughter was about 6 months old. Since then, I’ve been very responsible with my diet and activity. I’ve always focussed on fuelling myself properly and keeping active.

My husband is now concerned that I am not eating enough. My normal day of eating will look something like this:

Breakfast - full fat Greek yoghurt, berries, nuts, a small amount of honey, and chia seeds OR wholemeal sourdough toast (from a bakery, not the supermarket), avocado, scrambled eggs (made with real butter) and tomatoes on the side.

Lunch - some combination of a lean protein, vegetables and a carb. Rice, salmon and a salad with a soy sauce dressing has been something I’ve been craving lately.

Dinner - again, a protein, vegetables and a carb. We tend to cycle through steaks, chicken, lots of charred greens, rice or pasta.

Snacks - I have made a concerted effort to add more snacks because of the fact I’m pregnant. I’ll have veggies with hummus, celery sticks or apple with peanut butter, sometimes some chocolate or just fruit, but not that often.

I’ve counted calories for the last three days to show him I’m eating, and I’m hitting about 1800 to 2000 calories a day. He thinks this isn’t enough, and that I’ll be losing weight. Is this enough?

Bump

lol
you're fine

If you have any concerns, talk to your midwife or another HCP.

Gosh your husband is controlling. First your exercise, now your diet. Keep an eye on this OP. He is way too invested in your decisions and this must be stressful. Tell him to back the heck off.

Calories are going to depend on your height, weight, activity etc.

Why is your husband in your business this much? That’s a bit weird. Nice to care about each other, yes, but even given the pregnancy challenges, why all the monitoring of activity and eating?

Contrary to what people believe, you dont need to eat much more when pregnant than you usually do.

I think standard advice is 200 kcal additional in the last trimester only.

Everyone's maintenance calories will be different also, not the standard 2000 recommended by NHS. I calculated mine and my maintenance calories per day is 1900 based on activity level, height, current weight, health conditions etc.

Based on that, last trimester, I would be looking at around 2100 per day, which isn't much more, basically an addition snack throughout the day.

You’re eating more than enough.

Your husband is allowed an opinion. I assume its his baby too? But I'm pretty sure it'd be better to chat to your midwife or GP

It's plenty. Anything else your DH would like to control? How much you sleep, maybe? How long you spend outdoors?

I understand his concerns, I think he feels a bit helpless because this is all so out of our control, so he wants to feel in control of something

He needs to understand that it is your body and only you know how you feel
The exercise was one thing and nkw he has found another issue. To me that sounds like he is looking for ways to control you. It will be the amount of hours you work next, what you wear, what friends you see, all in the guise of ‘I’m worried for you’.

Good grief, what's next once you start eating how he wants? He sounds very controlling. Do you feel you can speak to him honestly about it or does he get defensive/aggressive?

That sounds great to me - nice healthy diet. How tall are you? A 6’ you will need more than a 5’ you, but I don’t think there’s that much difference.

I would ignore him, eat as much as you feel like you need, so fill yourself up when you’re hungry. If you’re generally well, your body will let you know when it needs more fuel. Maybe weigh once a week to show him you’re not losing, and you can always check with your midwife if you’re worried. Exercising in pregnancy is good for you, you’re not really supposed to sit on the sofa for 9 months and put on 4 stone like I did

Your dietary intake is fine. You shouldn’t be counting calories when you’re pregnant though. Just continue eating a healthy diet and leading an active lifestyle. Tell your midwife how controlling your husband is. Was he the driving force behind your weight loss after your last pregnancy?

I’m five four four, about eight stone. So into the healthy BMI, but I don’t weigh myself all too often!

I’d say it was mostly me. I got pregnant at university. My first and second years I was very active - on about seven different sporting societies, running, netball, football etc. I loved it. Then I got pregnant and gained a lot during my last year (about four and a half stone!) because I sort of lost all my motivation to workout without the societies. So I took it upon myself to get back into it when my daughter was six months

It sounds like your eating fine. Your husband probably can't stop worrying and wants the best outcome. You could reassure him that everything is fine and on track. On the exercise side of things, I wouldn't overdo exercise, especially in the final trimester but general exercise is fine I think. I was active during my pregnancy, walked lots and did lots of cleaning/organising and shopping for baby when mum husband was at work. Our child was born nearly 5 and a half weeks early though...

I understand his concerns, I think he feels a bit helpless because this is all so out of our control, so he wants to feel in control of something

okay understandable, but I think he needs a gentle nudge to pay attention to his anxiety in place of your diet and exercise.

Yes, but the twins aren't growing inside his body.

As has been said, you don't need to eat more during pregnancy and only like 200kcal more in the last trimester (equivalent to around 2 pieces of bread, maybe 1, I forget now), your body will tell you when you need more, you will get hungry quicker and just need a slight snack in between main meals. That is all. You are not feeding for 2 as the old saying goes.

Your body knows what it's doing here, we have to trust it, and only you know how you feel.

As for exercise- it is actually very beneficial and highly recommended by doctors that you continue your current level of fitness. You don't push yourself but you maintain your fitness. Again your body will tell you when it's time to slow things down. Usually the 3rd trimester. It's not recommended to pick up new sports or increase your fitness. I.e. if you run 5k 3 times a week, continue to do this but don't push for 10k etc. I was running in the early part but I suffered with a lot of sickness and exhaustion and sadly I hadn't got the energy to run due to not keeping food down - which links to point 1.... I threw everything back up for the first 4 months and my evening meal thereafter 9times out of 10, did not stay down. You don't need extra food, your body will give them everything they need. By the second trimester when I had the energy to run, my hips were playing up and running agivated them, so I stopped and changed from normal yoga to pregnancy yoga - you adjust some positions to use your abdominals less and widen your stance, but be careful as you're extra flexible and it's easy to over extend in the hip area... again this was all by the 3rd trimester.

I really think your husband needs to do some research to help his anxieties and maybe go with you to discuss his concerns with a health professional or your HV because it'll maybe do him good to hear from someone other than yourself that keeping yourself fit, healthy and mobile will help with labour and birth and also your recovery post partum. Plus - it drove me insane when my husbands nan and mother told me off for doing absolutely anything - to the point I ended up saying I am pregnant, I am not sick, I know & trust my body, please stop.

I do get his concerns if you've had complications which is why speaking with a health professional may be good for both of you, to make sure you're both on the same page and his anxiety can calm a little and let you focus on you and not having to manage his anxiety over it all.

Congratulations and good luck 😊

It's quite a fine line with him though. When we discussed the exercise, he accused me of saying he was being abusive.

Like I said, I got pregnant at university. We were both very sporty, and when I found out, he immediately left his own societies (off his own back) to get two part time jobs so that he could save to support me and the baby after uni. He will often bring this up, and say he didn't do that for nothing (AKA, for me to lose these babies)

Your husband sounds controlling, but that’s a separate matter. I don’t think you’re quite eating enough either. I ate more than that for my singleton pregnancies. Eating more doesn’t mean eating badly. You can easily add in two or three wholesome snacks a day.

TBH, it sounds like you’re trying to control your food intake too strictly. You’re too focussed on what you did before and seem to be leaning towards the other extreme:

My first pregnancy, I was young and at university, I was very unhealthy in my diet and gained a lot of weight, which I started to lose when my daughter was about 6 months old. Since then, I’ve been very responsible with my diet and activity. I’ve always focussed on fuelling myself properly and keeping active

There’s nothing wrong with snacks or chocolate, but you’re purposely limiting them too strictly. You don’t mention your height but 1800-2000 calories doesn’t sound enough. I eat more than that and I’m tiny and not pregnant.

Apart from the lack of calories, your diet looks nice and healthy, but I don’t think your attitude to food is quite as healthy as it could be. I say that kindly not in a mean way. Relax your hold a little.

That’s not correct. See here:

“Calories are critical to helping you and your babies gain weight during pregnancy. With twins or triplets, you should increase your daily intake by 300 calories per baby in the first trimester, 340 calories per baby in the second trimester and 452 calories per baby in the third trimester”

https://www.brighamandwomens.org/campaigns/mfm-nicu/nutritional-goals-during-a-twin-pregnancy#:~:text=Calories%20are%20critical%20to%20helping,baby%20in%20the%20third%20trimester.

Oh I'll add - my average kcal consumption was 1500-2000 daily even in the final trimester. In the first 15 weeks, nothing stayed down, breakfast, lunch and dinner all came back up, health professionals weren't bothered as long as water stayed down and baby was growing, they didn't watch me any more closely. In the thirst trimester it's hard to eat, little and often throughout the day wins because there is no space for your stomach, so big meals are a no go - well for me they were.

My baby was 9lb 1oz. He was more than fine, because your body will give them everything they need.

I hope this helps a little. My baby was a big baby despite me not keeping anything down for the first 15 weeks.

I'm not sure I would say I'm being overly strict, just careful. I think it's a really easy trap to fall into where you keep saying "oh just another takeaway etc". I just like to be balanced, I will have sweet treats etc (e.g., fruit with peanut butter and maybe a drizzle of chocolate) but over the last six years, this is how I've felt best about my body