To ask if I’m eating enough? **PLEASE READ OP'S RECENT POSTS BEFORE RESPONDING** Title edited by MNHQ

[mummytoonetryingfortwo]

I posted in the week about my husband being against me continuing to exercise, as I am pregnant with twins. We moved past that (I thought) after agreeing that I would stop running, start swimming and doing pregnancy specific workouts such as yoga and Pilates. We clashed on this because I had a bleed, just before I found out I was pregnant, and because it took us a long time to conceive.

My first pregnancy, I was young and at university, I was very unhealthy in my diet and gained a lot of weight, which I started to lose when my daughter was about 6 months old. Since then, I’ve been very responsible with my diet and activity. I’ve always focussed on fuelling myself properly and keeping active.

My husband is now concerned that I am not eating enough. My normal day of eating will look something like this:

Breakfast - full fat Greek yoghurt, berries, nuts, a small amount of honey, and chia seeds OR wholemeal sourdough toast (from a bakery, not the supermarket), avocado, scrambled eggs (made with real butter) and tomatoes on the side.

Lunch - some combination of a lean protein, vegetables and a carb. Rice, salmon and a salad with a soy sauce dressing has been something I’ve been craving lately.

Dinner - again, a protein, vegetables and a carb. We tend to cycle through steaks, chicken, lots of charred greens, rice or pasta.

Snacks - I have made a concerted effort to add more snacks because of the fact I’m pregnant. I’ll have veggies with hummus, celery sticks or apple with peanut butter, sometimes some chocolate or just fruit, but not that often.

I’ve counted calories for the last three days to show him I’m eating, and I’m hitting about 1800 to 2000 calories a day. He thinks this isn’t enough, and that I’ll be losing weight. Is this enough?

He sounds very controlling. Tell him to back off and stop showing him lists of what you're eating etc. My DH would only have commented if I had started drinking alcohol because he knew better.

A healthy BMI is 18.5 - 24.5 so 19 is really only just a healthy. It’s concerning you felt ‘fat’ at 8 and a half stone, at a size 10 and a BMI of 20.4 which is still in the lower half of the healthy BMI range. It does like you have some symptoms of disordered eating and body dysmorphia and like maybe your husband has reason to be concerned.

The recommendation for twin pregnancies is 300 calories extra per baby

At your height and weight you’d need around 1800 calories to maintain weight and it’s recommended an extra 300 calories per baby. So around 2400

Well, they're not, as your husband is right. You are suffering from orthorexia. You are eating enough calories to keep a slim woman slim, and you are pregnant. You have to be restrained from overexercising. You started dieting when your daughter was 6 months. Seek help.

The poor babies' brains...

What a disgusting accusation.

I ate very little when I was pregnant because I felt really sick and virtually everything made me retch. So not through choice in my case. I put on less than a stone with DS1. A little bit more with DS2. Both were born a healthy weight. I was a wreck though. I suppose what I’m saying is, the babies got what they needed, even in those circumstances. I think eating when hungry and stopping when full is a reasonable guideline, like any other time in life.

As a mother of twins, I can tell you that you will need to start eating more as the pregnancy continues. I was told that although the old advice of eating for two does not apply to single pregnancies, it does for twins, especially in the thirs trimester.

I do feel for men in this scenario - mainly over name choice as I'd bet a much higher proportion of mothers get their own way with 'their name' than fathers. However, I'd find this type of questioning insulting and waaay too controlling. so I'd probably tell him to fuck off at some point.

Multiple posters have stated you have orthorexia. Would you prefer we say anorexia? Your thinking is warped, and you don't recognise it.

Twin pregnancies are different, the babies are higher risk, therefore require more care, and growing two requires more nutrients. OP hasn't mentioned morning sickness, only deliberate food restriction.

However it's quite clear she doesn't intend to listen to anyone saying no, she isn't eating enough.

Can I ask OP, have you put on any weight since you became pregnant? And what weight gain to you think would be reasonable by the end of a twin pregnancy?

I dont really understand why you asked everyone here if you're eating enough if you weren't even open to that discussion?

What was your intended goal here ? Validation for your current diet?

Tell your husband to but out, you're not an incubator.

Posters saying it doesn't make it true. Accusing me of starving myself and harming my children is disgusting.

Aren't there any charts you can check your weight gain against? Ask your midwife or ask to talk to a dietician if you are not sure how much to eat or how much weight you should gain. Try not to worry about how you will lose any weight after the birth it will be fine, the priority now is that your babies are getting enough to develop well. Your DH is worried, which is nice in a way, if you get the midwife/dietician to agree your weight is in the right trajectory you can set his mind at rest.

You are starving yourself and not providing sufficient nutrients for your babies.

Why ask, if you don't want to hear answers?

Your pregnant you can relax your eating and worry about losing weight after. I also have twins and just ate what I wanted. You are growing 2 babies so will need to eat more than if it was just one especially in the last trimester.

You need to speak to your Midwife about this.

You're not starving yourself and the foods you eat are healthy, but you do need to eat more. Your calorie intake is fine for maintaining a slim woman, but not for growing two whole new people.

I had two big babies, both over 9.5 pounds. I put on exactly 20 pounds with each pregnancy. I focussed on eating healthily and I continued exercising 4 or 5 times a week. I didn’t overeat.

I have friends that put on crazy amounts of weight. 3 or 4 stone. They did this because of the ‘eating for 2’ nonsense. They were struggling at the end of the pregnancies because they were so fat, having tests for gestational diabetes, and stuck with loads of blubber once their babies were born.

Fair enough. Probably just as well I didn't have twins then! I was looking forward to a bit of guilt free overindulgence, but it was wall to wall nausea. I couldn't have eaten any more if my life had depended on it. But I guess it mustn't have been enough of a worry for the midwife or GP to intervene, despite my anxiety at the time.

Madly tracking macros and calories, overexercising, trying to stay a size 6 (whilst pregnant with twins) and keeping a low calorie intake far below what is necessary is what we used to call starvation dieting. Ergo, OP is starving themselves - and all to maintain a particular clothes size or type of figure. It's going to make for a very brittle-boned future, but there we are.

What is wrong with the 6 month mark? She can diet 1 day post partum if she wants! Her baby was no longer a part of her body.

OP knows what weight and body shape feels good for her. Many of us can be within a 5 kg range and still be healthy yet prefer a certain end. As long as she is not getting ill all the time and the babies are growing well, what is it to do with anyone else?

She asked.

I never said I wanted to stay at a size 6 while pregnant.