MIL trying on my engagement ring

[Onering]

Strained relationship. Recently got engaged. I took the engagement ring off for a second since I was doing gardening, came back to find MIL wearing my ring saying how pretty it is. She had been going on about how much she liked it before but to put it on without my permission seems invasive.

She wore it and put it to the light to see the diamond sparkle and commented on how nice it looked.

Aibu about being annoyed from this? Maybe my rocky relationship with her is skewering this for me. My ring now feels tainted because someone else has worn it and being someone I don't have a good relationship with... But again that could be me being ott.

Yes I was thinking ocd. Definitely look at CBT. I'm not suggesting that in a snidey way. It has completely changed my dds life for the better. She is free of all these sort of rituals now

I heard there are studies that show Dawn is the make effective against negative energy.

@Onering I agree this more about how you feel about MIL and how she keeps pushing boundaries. You obviously need to continue toe work with your DP to put boundaries in place with her but the ring is not tainted.

You can actually bring the negative energy into your relationship when you over dwell on it and let it eat you inside and build resentment. This should be a happy time for you so focus on that.

Does your DP support you when it comes to his mother or is he one of those mummy’s boys who thinks his mother can never do any wrong?

Superstitious habit is impacting your life need to address it.
Mad OCD? Or bad habit. Depends how debilitating it is and if you feel compulsion
what would happen if you didn’t get rid of the item? What would be the consequence

I can see it as being something that is yours and very special to you and she took it for a moment.

I can see why you feel the wqy you do.

YANBU. Someone once asked if they could try on my engagement ring shortly after I got engaged. I said no. It’s a highly personal piece of jewellery and I completely understand you not wanting your MIL to try it on. She crossed a line.

Does anyone else really want to see the ring?

I'm not even into jewellery but I come over all magpie/Gollum on an engagement ring thread.
(ETA I know I'm missing the point of the thread, sorry OP!)

YABU. MIL likes the ring, she has been complimentary about it. I don't believe she has done anything wrong in this situation. It makes me wonder if you have contributed to the strained relationship more than you realise. Everyone's boundaries should be respected but if yours go as far as not touching your engagement ring it could be very difficult for your MIL to know how to act.

My friend's friend tried on her wedding ring & it got stuck. She had to have it cut off. Friend was gutted!

Just give it a wash. In hot soapy water.

If you’re spiritual: Then leave it on a windowsill when there is a next full or new moon for its energies.

It’s not tainted. Please don’t be ridiculous. Are your chairs tainted because she’s sat on them? Are your mugs tainted because she’s drank from them?

However there are plenty of people that DO believe in this stuff, and lots of people's attitudes on here come across mocking for it. That is completely rude and close minded. Let's be respectful of the fact that some people take that as seriously as believing in a God and not try to ridicule anyone for it.

This is an anonymous internet chat forum. People can express whatever views they want - within reason obviously. Personally, I don't feel the need to be open minded towards what I consider to be absolute nonsense. If I knew you in real life, I would not verbally undermine your right to believe in positive/negative energy flowing via inanimate objects. I would keep my thoughts to myself. That's because I am polite and respectful. But, as I said, this is an anonymous forum and there should be plenty of room for expressing doubt about the veracity of such belief systems.

Have you tried fighting fire with fire?
”Oooo and now my turn to try on yours!” All doe eyed and enthusiastic.

Or call the...

She didn’t just touch it, she tried it on! Trying on someone else’s jewellery without permission is rude and inappropriate.

Bit of an anecdotal aside, here. I originally come from what was once a seafaring community. These are people known for their superstitions - some of them well-founded in common-sense, others a little more eccentric. You only have to look at some of the supposed omens surrounding the doomed Titanic to get a sense of this.

Those among us of a less spiritual, more materialistic bent will deny to the hilt they they are in any way superstitious, or that they believe in any form of mysticism whatsover. As a test, a ladder was left up against a wall (this was in NYC I believe) - no one working at the top or with any risk of paint spillages, etc. - its bottom end protruding just slightly off the end of the pavement and into the road. The placers of the ladder then sat and watched what happened.

The overwhelming majority of people, with very few exceptions, preferred to walk into the line of traffic than walk under that ladder.

It seems that a great many people are more superstitious than they care to admit.

It's just like that, me in my head thinks it would bring a bad energy as it was purchased on a day something ( bad/ negative) happened and I would say, oh I got this on a day XY died.
Same with clothes, If I wear new item into certain environment, in my head I believe I will be always end up using the item to go to that environment .
Like once I wore a new jumper to a dentist and it happened everytime I end up going dentist I worn that item, even I didn't plan on it as I have another 50 jumpers.
As try to avoid to use new items to wear them for the first time to hospitals, cemeteries and similar places etc as you end up always wearing them just going there. This is how my brain works..

@Onering

Personally even if I liked someone's engagement/wedding ring I would never think to put it on my own finger! But maybes that's just me...

Exactly that!
Can you not see that you have a different perspective on things to your MIL and millions of other people in the world?

You talk about negative energies associating with your ring but lots of posters have disagreed with you about that. That doesn’t make you right and everyone else wrong. It simply means that we’re all different and each one of us has developed our own sense of values so each of us is ‘right’ in our own little world. In order to get along with people you have to respect their values and beliefs even if they’re different to yours.

You really need to step back and stop viewing your MIL as the enemy here otherwise you’re in for a very rough ride because everyone else will look at this and see the problem being you being negative, unkind and judgmental. Your MIL said nice things about the ring. Stop looking to be the victim in your dealings with her.

If you genuinely believe in things like natural energies and karma, you’d be trying much harder to get along with her…

Do you want to address or decrease this? Or are you prepared to live with this intrusive superstition
If you want to address it, CBT is a good start point

All beliefs in gods, spirits, karma, auras etc etc can be mocked for being ridiculous. There's nothing special about them that means everyone should respect such primitive nonsense.

It's entirely possible to have no respect for religions or spirituality without seeking to disrespect the people themselves. For example, I wouldn't go onto the Christianity board here and start spouting atheism without being invited. I wouldn't serve pork to Jews or Muslims or insist that someone superstitious should walk under a ladder. However, if they feel at liberty to tell me that Jesus' mother was a virgin or Noah's Ark saved 2 of every species or that angels exist, then I feel at liberty to say that they are just myths created by ignorant humans trying to make sense of what they didn't understand.

If you want the freedom to tell people your beliefs then everyone else has the freedom to tell you what they think of them.

I think it is weird to try on someone else's ring without asking, but I think you might be complicating your own life with this karma thing, turning it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

And, I'm saying this gently, not critically, so please take it that way, surely you pick and choose in which circumstances you apply this superstition/feeling? To be slightly graphic, possibly your fiancé's penis was tried on by others before you? Do you consider that tainted? Or shrug it off because it has no real import to your life? Can you do the same here?

MIL didn't try it on BEFORE.

I think trying on other people’s rings is perfectly normal. I remember when the departmental secretary at a previous workplace got engaged women from other offices dropping by to congratulate her, and several were trying on her ring.

Usually with the permission of the owner. This wasn't.

Agree.

She gave then permission though...

Well, she didn’t wrestle it off the OP’s finger or anything! If the OP had taken it off, put it down and gone off somewhere to garden, it doesn’t sound rude or invasive to idly pick up a ring and try it on while it was lying there.