MIL trying on my engagement ring

[Onering]

Strained relationship. Recently got engaged. I took the engagement ring off for a second since I was doing gardening, came back to find MIL wearing my ring saying how pretty it is. She had been going on about how much she liked it before but to put it on without my permission seems invasive.

She wore it and put it to the light to see the diamond sparkle and commented on how nice it looked.

Aibu about being annoyed from this? Maybe my rocky relationship with her is skewering this for me. My ring now feels tainted because someone else has worn it and being someone I don't have a good relationship with... But again that could be me being ott.

You're being silly, and I'm guessing this is being coloured by the other reasons you have a bad relationship. Trying on a ring isn't like she tried on your wedding dress.

It wasn't very polite of her, but your reaction is definitely OTT.

I think in these situations it can be helpful to think about how you'd have reacted if your own mother or sister did exactly the same.

Well you’re the one marrying her son… I’d be more concerned about that tbh.

I wouldnt be surprised if she tries that next 😂

Your MIL was rude and she shouldn't access anything that's yours without asking you.

However, you sound slightly unhinged to go on about 'karma' and it being 'tainted'.

If you got on with her like a house on fire you might have offered it to her for a 'try on' without her doing it on the sly.

I'd be more pissed off if she tried on the wedding ring too
Oh for goodness sake get a life or get therapy.
Would just like a show of hands as to how many of you have tried on your DIL's/DD's rings....
Personally i think wedding and engagement rings are ridiculous in this day and age. However I do understand people ha ing an attachment to them but it is just an object.

Yanbu to feel annoyed about her wearing your ring without asking - it’s rude and frankly a bit weird for a MIL.
Yabu to think it’s “tainted”, it’s really not.

@KaleQueen yes that bit does get to me. Waiting for me to come back in from the garden so I'd see her with it on. Felt very much so in your face

When you buy a new pair of shoes, someone else may have tried them on before. Do you feel that with your special skills?

Then tell your DP that he has to buy you a new engagement ring, due to the fact that his mum tainted the karma of your ring by trying it on.

But.. that's not really an answer. Maybe you're wrong to believe that? Lots of people would say it's very irrational to do so (as they would with any religious or 'spiritual beliefs')

I’d be pleased she likes it so much if I were you. It’s yours, not hers and she’ll have to look at you wearing it.

If someone is so lacking in boundaries that they meddle with others' possessions and then wave that in their faces, then they'll think nothing of a little thing like trying on so personal an item as a wedding dress. It's if she starts trying on OP's underwear that I'd really worry ....

In whatever case, if the basic injunction not to touch others' belongings is ineffective - not that it should be necessarily as most people would have such a basic grasp of etiquette - then the only solution is to restrict her access to those belongings. And if that meant restricting MiL's access to OP's home, or at least particular areas of her home, so be it. I have experience of people like this, and if you don't put up boundaries as a clear response to their overstepping one, they will crash through the next, and the next.

If she's made to feel a clear consequence of her actions, she will stop. As the old saying goes, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

yes that bit does get to me. Waiting for me to come back in from the garden so I'd see her with it on. Felt very much so in your face
Maybe that's just your interpretation.
If you had anything about you , you should have said' oh let's have a look!, it's gorgeous isn't it' if there has been a smugness or to wind you up it would have deflated the moment.
It's you choosing to see it negativity, it's only that can change your outlook.

You're being completely unreasonable. It was always traditional to put a newly engaged persons ring part way onto the wedding ring finger and turn it towards your heart three times and make a wish.

No wonder you've got a strained relationship if your antsy about something so completely insignificant.

It was tongue in cheek...
I was waiting to see if the OP was actually married...or just one of those that like to use the term MIL inorder to slate off their boyfriends/fiance mother.

If there's no wedding ring there's no MIL...

I have a, and yes it's a me problem but hey, with posters posting about "their MIL" when they are not in fact married to the woman's son.

If the OP is that upset about this they best be set to buckle down as there's probably a lot more they're going to find annoying in future from their "MIL"

I'm feeling a bit sorry for the mil, NGL.

1000% this. This is a choice you are making, to decide if your ring is tainted or not because someone tried it on. Doesn’t really matter who, the decision sits with you. And honestly if you can’t get past that and keep the ring, then it is hard to imagine you’re not a contributor to the poor relationship because that’s not particularly rational mature adult behaviour.

And how is she supposed to check it to see if it has been cleansed after all those above steps??

I think yabu.

What does your fiance make of the strained relationship you have with his mum?

She totally should do that next.

Since it's bothering you, try having a look at this.

https://allthecrystals.com/how-to-cleanse-and-charge-crystals/

Why leave it anywhere she can see it? How odd to do this though. She’s not tainted it but you gave her the opportunity. Look in the bright side - she liked it! She could have said it was c€*! Insert something derogatory. She’s not all bad!

If you have a rocky relationship now,why on earth get married?

I once gave someone a piece of jewellery & shortly afterwards the friendship (which had been going south) went completely toxic. She gave the jewellery back, saying she didn't want it. I rather liked it, but I felt it was tainted.

So I invented a little 'cleansing ceremony', something with incense &/or candles, probably, so that the cleansing happened over about half an hour.

After that I felt it was clean of its previous associations, & I happily wear it from time to time.

I'm not saying anything happened to the jewellery: it was all about changing how I felt about the jewellery. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it made sense to me. Maybe you could try something like that?