To never invite them again.

[PatrickDog]

We have just come today from a holiday with my parents, me, DS and his girlfriend.

Just to add DS and his girlfriend asked to come and everyone had their own space, they had their own room and were able to do whatever they wanted and when so not tied to us.

Neither DS nor his girlfriend paid to come bar their spends as my parents wanted to do something nice. Previously to this I have spent limited time with the girlfriend and thought she seemed nice. She stays over a couple of times a week but I just leave them to it.

On holiday DS girlfriend complained about absolutely everything!

We stayed at a resort. On site the entertainment ended at 10.30pm and last orders was 11pm. DS girlfriend complained every single night how she couldn't believe it. We were very near a major nightlife place they could have got a taxi for less than a fiver and stayed out late.

Some of the on site attractions only opened in the afternoon. She complained. Again there was lots just off site.

DS and his girlfriend went to a paid for attraction of their choosing. Girlfriend complained the entire way round that certain small sections weren't open. The main things were. She also moaned that they had been rushed out to the attraction they had chose (at 2pm, it shut at 5!)

On the last full day she had a complete strop about DS wanting to go to the pool for the first time and screamed at DS who then skulked about miserable.

On the flight and journey home DS was out of character really rude to one of my parents who is now (rightly) absolutely livid as they paid for something special for DS girlfriend to moan all week and DS to shout and be rude to them.

Between them they ruined my parents holiday and in turn mine because now I'm getting it in the neck from both sides because DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour and my parents are massively pissed by the behaviour of both.

Neither of them thanked my parents for their free holiday.

I'm pretty upset tbh.

You're completely reasonable to never invite them again. You're a saint! I wouldn't be able to hang around either of them unless DS acknowledged his mistake and apologised. It also looks like his GF wants to break up with him but is winding him up to have a reason to do so. Nasty girl...

She sounds like an ungrateful little cow. So sorry OP.

100%.

DS could apologise in writing, by calling or messaging. He doesn't need to see his grandparents face-to-face, although he should do that too.

'I wouldn't mind if she goes on a lot of holidays and is used to better'. What has that got to do with it? She was given a free holiday, and she should behave herself! Cheeky madam!

So sorry OP that you DH and your parents went through this.

I might be tempted to have a month off from the girlfriend visiting your home at all.

But with having a sit-down with DS and gf in the next few days or in the first week to outline your displeasure to them.

What a way to meet her boyfriends family and maybe hoping to join it.

She didn't "just accept their bad manners" and she did call them out on it.

She sounds ghastly. Now you know why her parents stopped taking her on holiday! I can't abide moaners. I'm not saying that you are beholden to bow and scrape to someone whose given you something or done you a favour but FGS say thank you and don't piss and moan constantly! It ruins the experience for everyone else including the folk who kindly paid for you to come.

I can imagine my son's girlfriend being a bit like this. She is nice and we like her but she can moan a lot and be a bit "damsel in distress". We've done a couple of days out and it was quite clear she was hating the sort of stuff we usually like to do, so we won't be doing that again and she definitely will not be invited on holiday with us and I'm glad we didn't risk inviting her before getting to know her better.

If it was just the moaning everyone could probably have bitten their tongues and focused on the better bits but your son's outburst totally ruined any chance of recovering the situation. He's the real villain here. Shouting at his elderly unwell grandmother who was trying to be helpful, refusing to apologise or thank them for the free holiday - I'm not surprised you feel angry with him and ashamed of his behaviour.

He's an adult and you can't make him apologise or make it up to your parents, although he should of course. Focus your energy on quality time with them and leave your son to stew with lady moanalot.

I understand your upset and frustration. But all this happened because she is a spoilt brat and your ds lashed out because he was frustrated and angry at gf but took it out on the wrong person which does happen. I would contact him tell he needs to get to grandparents asap to apologise to there face and never invite her to any family gathering I can’t see him seeing her long term she humiliated him in front of his own family. I hope it gets resolved quickly.

Family holidays are often a disaster with multi-generational groups. I wouldn't go on one if you paid me.

Anyway, I think your son needs to apologize to his grandparents, and quickly. In person.

It's really shocking that he screamed at his grandmother. I think your dad is right - any money that would have come to him should be given to you for safekeeping and he should only have it when he's mature and sorry for how he behaved - and when he's dumped her, of course. At 23, she's not going to change any time soon.

Did you actually read any of the OPs posts? or are you just venting something in your private life?

I would have sent her home on day 2.

Yes, that's right.

Tell your son to take responsibility for his rude actions and so that means to go to his grandparents with a gift and apologise for his behaviour. If not it's time he got a place of his own.

So your 21 year old son screamed in the face of his 80 year old grandfather, after he had paid for the prick and his dreadful girlfriend to join them on holiday!?

OP, I would feel so deeply ashamed of him and tbh I wouldn't blame your DF adjusting his will in response to this. He must be traumatised and extremely upset over such an attack that I imagine an apology won't erase the horrible memory.

But what stands out is your son scurrying off with the horror gf like a coward, instead of working to put things right with his DGP. I suspect this isn't a one off and your son isn't a nice person, hence his choice of gf too. If I saw my 21 year old scream in the face of my kind elderly dad, I wouldn't be able to look at him in the same way.

I disagree with posters saying he behaved this way due to the gf. Easy to blame the woman - even if insufferable, fact remains he screamed in the face of his 80 year old grandfather. Unforgivable.

This is a really good point. Expressing hurt can often elicit an apology more easily than anger. Anger can make emotionally immature people put their defences up, even when they know they are in the wrong.

Is this the Mumsnet definition of "screaming?" ie. what would normally be called "shouting" or "raising one's voice?"

I think the girlfriend was so nasty because she tried to let everybody think she's used to oh-so-much-better. Typical for people who aren't used getting anything nice. Probably she asked (your son asked for her) to come because she was afraid her boyfriend would have a good time without her.

I’ve read through a lot of this thread and it occurs to me that your son is likely in an abusive relationship. If his behaviour is different to usual, and he wanted to come on this holiday, what has gone wrong?

The fact this girl’s parents seem decent but don’t take her on holiday themselves could be a red flag. She’s slightly older than him and perhaps more experienced? Just feels a bit uncomfortable to me having read all this, and certainly if their genders were reversed I think we’d see a lot of posters talking about red flags.

I suggest instead of staying angry at your son, try to have a calm talk with him about what is happening. Stay silent and let him talk; you may find he unburdens himself…

Your DS knows he was in the wrong, he's afraid if he sides with you and tells his GF she was out of order she'll dump him. He has to come home at some point and he knows you'll be waiting to tell him off so he's taken tbe coward's way out and run off to her. When he shows up tell him his DGF nearly lost the woman he's loved for decades and he owes his DGP a very big apology

Just never invite them again, your parents are justified in being upset- but there is nothing to be done-some people are just very ungrateful and entitled- I would definitely have it out with DS, surely that isn't how you raised him.

A 21 year old man shouting in an 80-ish year old man’s face would be intimidating for the older man.

It’s probably really shaken elderly people, being shouted at like that is not okay at all.