To never invite them again.

[PatrickDog]

We have just come today from a holiday with my parents, me, DS and his girlfriend.

Just to add DS and his girlfriend asked to come and everyone had their own space, they had their own room and were able to do whatever they wanted and when so not tied to us.

Neither DS nor his girlfriend paid to come bar their spends as my parents wanted to do something nice. Previously to this I have spent limited time with the girlfriend and thought she seemed nice. She stays over a couple of times a week but I just leave them to it.

On holiday DS girlfriend complained about absolutely everything!

We stayed at a resort. On site the entertainment ended at 10.30pm and last orders was 11pm. DS girlfriend complained every single night how she couldn't believe it. We were very near a major nightlife place they could have got a taxi for less than a fiver and stayed out late.

Some of the on site attractions only opened in the afternoon. She complained. Again there was lots just off site.

DS and his girlfriend went to a paid for attraction of their choosing. Girlfriend complained the entire way round that certain small sections weren't open. The main things were. She also moaned that they had been rushed out to the attraction they had chose (at 2pm, it shut at 5!)

On the last full day she had a complete strop about DS wanting to go to the pool for the first time and screamed at DS who then skulked about miserable.

On the flight and journey home DS was out of character really rude to one of my parents who is now (rightly) absolutely livid as they paid for something special for DS girlfriend to moan all week and DS to shout and be rude to them.

Between them they ruined my parents holiday and in turn mine because now I'm getting it in the neck from both sides because DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour and my parents are massively pissed by the behaviour of both.

Neither of them thanked my parents for their free holiday.

I'm pretty upset tbh.

Absolutely. I agree.

Good for your Dad, ungrateful bitch, she certainly doesn't deserve anything.

I think the girlfriend is a side issue to the real problem, your son had no right to be so rude and aggressive with elderly relatives. I would be absolutely horrified if my dc ever did this to anyone. They never would, because hell
would freeze over before I allowed that level of disrespect and intimidation. Your son must be held accountable op.

We went on a holiday for my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary. Us 4, BIL & wife and PIL - absolute hell! 3 days of rudeness from BIL, snarky comments, generally unpleasant behaviour, ignoring us when spoken to and pretending not to hear (hears everybody else tho), changing dinner plans when we had already made arrangements...

In the end we decided to leave the night before as we had work and didn't feel it was worthwhile us missing Monday morning work when we could travel back on the Sunday (we had a truly miserable time) - then MIL kicked off (BIL is goldenballs) at hubby and said us leaving early was ruining the holiday (she had been on the wine)... By this point I just scooped my kids into the car (Sunday afternoon) and told her she was an absolute disgrace, the holiday had been truly awful, full of rudeness, snarky comments and general bad feeling (which she admitted a few weeks later) and that I would absolutely NEVER go on another holiday again with BIL

We never have and it's been bliss.

Yeap…no more free holidays and I hope he changes gf coz she seems an absolute nightmare!

Yes, I've been thinking the same thing. 🤔

I’d invite DS again. It sounds like she made him miserable. As you said, he was out of character on the way home and became snappy/rude. I bet it was because he was on edge because he was exhausted by her. I’d be seeing if he’s ok.

They need to buy something really nice and a big bunch of flowers 💐 to say sorry for being rude and thank you for our holiday.
And it’s a given that they are not invited again.
The girlfriend sounds insufferable 😣

Be nice to your parents and give these ungrateful selfish idiots a wide birth. Live and learn. Never again.

Given you a smack (whispery sinister voice)Danny Dyer is that you?

I think there is something strange about this situation. Your son’s behaviour is out of character. I was surprised when you said the girlfriend is older and your son is 21. I can’t understand really why a 23 year old girl is going out with a 21 year old and joining a family holiday with your parents. Found it odd to imply that her parents should be taking a 23 year old adult on holiday (when does it ever end?) I also find it odd that you have allowed a 23 year old to be regularly staying over a couple of nights a week (playing house) with your 21 year old son.

Why are these ungrateful young adults being enabled by you and your parents to not pay their way, dictate the mood and atmosphere of a holiday and then to strop off? Off to mooch off the other girl’s parent’s hospitality while the dust settles.

You’ve said what you want to say to your son OP. I would now show your son what you mean and how you expect to be treated. Definitely time to stand on his own feet. Shouting at an 80-year old is not on. I feel sorry for you - you do not have to put up with this in your home from an adult child (and his wretched girlfriend).

No of course you shouldn’t invite them again, what brats they were!
you should point out to your parents that it’s not your fault or responsibility for how they behaved, why should you be in the middle.
the GF should have been grateful not nit picking-I imagine some things were shut as not quite full season?
problem with 3 generations going away is that it’s unlikely to be ideal place for everyone

Your son, his bitchy GF. he really really needs to apologise to, AT TGE VERY LEADT, your generous parents, and I'd be telling him that his GF isn't welcome to stay over until she changes her entitled ,spoiled, selfish attitude as well.

Not to play devils advocate but the gf sounds like someone who simply wasn’t parented and taught manners growing up, and don’t come for me but I feel sorry for her. I don’t really understand this mindset that humans are expected to automatically mature with age, even when no one around them is modelling maturity or teaching it directly to as they develop. I have the feeling the gf’s parents were completely hands off and expected this girl to parent herself and naturally be well-mannered, and when she wasn’t they didn’t try to teach her they just shut her out - hence not taking her on hols anymore. How can we expect children to improve if we don’t give them feedback and directives on how to behave, but just shut them out and isolate them instead, hoping the problem will either disappear or the person will suddenly fix themselves? This is conjecture of course as we don’t have the full story, but from patterns I’ve seen it does appear like the case here with the gf acting so immaturely and not seeing how that was affecting others. I read somewhere that constant complaining is a signal that someone is begging for help, but people keep icing them out instead of responding.
Hopefully this event is a catalyst for her to realise how bad things have gotten and she’ll realise she has to try to improve herself, thanks to OPs feedback.

Just to add another side - It may be that your son's daughter isn't a nasty bitch, but instead is just very insecure and a bit immature for her age. It sounds like she had high/unrealistic expectations for the holiday. You write that she doesn't go on holiday often so maybe she built it up to be a big thing in her mind and she was really looking forward to it and then she found herself to be continuously disappointed and this just brought out a nasty side to her character. I know that when I get disappointed I get very grumpy.

She may have not realised how bad she was coming across - to her she may have thought that she was just expressing her opinion about the circumstances that she found herself in and she didn't realise that instead she was coming across as overly critical and ungrateful (again this could be a maturity issue rather than her being malicious or deliberately nasty). She also could have been going through some other stuff in her private life (and relationship with your son), which set her one edge. It's hard being the odd one out on a family holiday especially if she's going through a rough patch with your son, she definitely would have felt isolated and defensive in that situation.

If she's been ok in other circumstances I'd be tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt and try to see it a bit from her point of view. Obviously don't invite her again. And firmly and kindly explain how her behaviour (and your son's) came across. I agree with other posters that they ought to apologise to your parents.

I also agree with other posters that you may find the relationship ends soon anyway as they don't seem to be compatible.

Sent from Outlook for iOS

I'm going back reading through posts now but just wanted to add when I was on about the GF parents not taking her on holiday I meant they haven't taken her in a long time. Since she was a child. She's been left with older sisters for some time until she was old enough to be left alone.

In regards to GF staying over do people not do that? This is all very new to me but they aren't teenagers. They are adults.

I don't have time to RTFT so may have missed this already being said.

Please be careful about coming down too hard on your DS. This may be the beginning of a coercive controlling relationship. If so, you don't want to hand the abuser the tools she needs to get you (support network) out of your DS's life.

My DD behaved out of character when in an abusive relationship. Luckily, by the time she did it, I had recognised what was going on and prioritised our relationship over addressing her behaviour. It turned out the be the right thing to do.

There are a few red flags in your description of events so please read up on coervice controlling relationships so you're equipped to support your DS if that is what is happening.

My son is 22, his boyfriend stays over regularly which I think is quite usual. People stay living at home a lot longer these days.

@ElfAndSafetyBored

why should they??

Not ideal at all. They should know better but sometimes no matter who pays holidays are just tense. I think you’re just torturing yourself. Nothing can change what’s happened, you just need to move on, mark her card and install boundaries x

Wow. I'd be livid too. Very disappointing, for your elderly parents to treat your son to a trip and even allow him to bring along his girlfriend too. Then the pair of them spoil the trip and embarrass you, with ongoing obnoxious behavior.

Your son is grown and hasn't acted like this before. So it sounds like there's more going on here beneath the surface but what? Any ideas? :(

Because it’s the grown up thing to do, and is mostly likely to lead to a happy family future.

I’d give your son an ultimatum: family or his girlfriend. The problem with banning them from holidays is that she’ll still come round and stay a couple of nights a week. Not sure how that makes any sense.

That seems very sad about the GF not being taken on holiday by her parents since she was a child. Something going on there perhaps.

Whatever the parenting of said girlfriend, causes etc that lead to her behaviour, you should not suffer as a result. Never again, and do not allow her to step foot in your house. Stick to your guns 100%, no backing down.