To never invite them again.

[PatrickDog]

We have just come today from a holiday with my parents, me, DS and his girlfriend.

Just to add DS and his girlfriend asked to come and everyone had their own space, they had their own room and were able to do whatever they wanted and when so not tied to us.

Neither DS nor his girlfriend paid to come bar their spends as my parents wanted to do something nice. Previously to this I have spent limited time with the girlfriend and thought she seemed nice. She stays over a couple of times a week but I just leave them to it.

On holiday DS girlfriend complained about absolutely everything!

We stayed at a resort. On site the entertainment ended at 10.30pm and last orders was 11pm. DS girlfriend complained every single night how she couldn't believe it. We were very near a major nightlife place they could have got a taxi for less than a fiver and stayed out late.

Some of the on site attractions only opened in the afternoon. She complained. Again there was lots just off site.

DS and his girlfriend went to a paid for attraction of their choosing. Girlfriend complained the entire way round that certain small sections weren't open. The main things were. She also moaned that they had been rushed out to the attraction they had chose (at 2pm, it shut at 5!)

On the last full day she had a complete strop about DS wanting to go to the pool for the first time and screamed at DS who then skulked about miserable.

On the flight and journey home DS was out of character really rude to one of my parents who is now (rightly) absolutely livid as they paid for something special for DS girlfriend to moan all week and DS to shout and be rude to them.

Between them they ruined my parents holiday and in turn mine because now I'm getting it in the neck from both sides because DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour and my parents are massively pissed by the behaviour of both.

Neither of them thanked my parents for their free holiday.

I'm pretty upset tbh.

Perfectly put

*That’s a very rigid view, assuming there wouldn’t be an issue with the GF being 21 and the son 23?^

Young males are usually less mature for their age.

That’s a good point, whilst it’s fine to have the GF stay if she is polite, well mannered and you’re okay with it, she and the son should know that it’s a privilege not a right.

I didn't bring a boyfriend on holiday with family until he was actually my fiance, we were 29 and paid for ourselves. I don't think a 21 year old should have a free holiday for his girlfriend. Him yes, her no. At 21/23 they're still too immature in my opinion. She's likely to not be on the scene for long either, no point investing too much into this. At 21, you should be polite but neutral to any girlfriends, not make them part of the family.

And your dad should absolutely change his will. A 21 year old should not be inheriting anything. He's too young. He needs the freedom to make his own mistakes and way in life.

Nice ageism. 🙄

My "gentle-parented" dc would never behave like this.

It’s totally normal for a gf or bf to stay over if that’s okay with you, I found that comment very odd!
most 20 something’s live at home don’t they, unless estranged from family or have a very high paid job?
my 21 year old daughter has her 22 year old bf staying over-he lives at home with family and shares a bedroom with two brothers so no chance of her staying there!

What a woman! 👏🏻👏🏻

Yes as a general rule but it’s not a big age gap and there are plenty of immature 23 year old females and mature 21 year old males!
Doesn't sound like this 23 year female is more mature than the son, which is my point.

I am one of those parents that doesn't believe 20+ year olds with girlfriend and boyfriends have a god given right to stay over in parents houses weekly.

Didn't happen when I was young and isn't something that I would particularly like.

I am accommodating for sure but its not an entitlement.

Likewise bringing them on holidays.
Its my holiday and the change of dynamic is not something I want or my husband would want.

We are really generous parents and our children are very privileged, however we are entitled to quiet enjoyment of our home.

I have heard of friends of friends with 4 adult children all living at home in our well located houses, feeling like they are running a boutique hotel with friends and partners coming and going.

Not a chance would I be having this.
Too old, too cranky, have given enough of my self 25 years of running around after them.

Now that they are largely independent I need my post menopausal peace....and I am going to have it.

And you need to give them a reason to work hard and get their own place!

That has nothing to do with what I replied to.

We can only go by what OP wrote. We can only ever go by what an OP writes.

That doesn’t mean you just make stuff up to fill in the gaps.

Opining that you think the family
might be toxic isn’t making stuff up, though.

And my response was to you calling that poster toxic for having sympathy with the GF - who isn’t here to defend herself and whose side hasn’t been heard.

It’s an opinion that isn’t based on any real evidence.

It’s common sense that when people are hurt and angry they lash out and can say things they don’t mean. That doesn’t in any way mean that there is ‘toxicity’ in a family because of it.

I was just matching the PP’s energy.

You are Op presumably a middle aged woman - and a mother to boot - so therefore there will be some posters on here who will twist things any way they can to try to make you the one at fault.

Who’s said anything about god given rights to stay over, it’s obviously down to individual choice.
It not happening in your day, well lots of things have changed, but obviously it’s up to you what happens in your home but I would say you are more the exception than the rule.
The holiday thing isn’t so usual, never been lucky enough to be invited or rich enough to offer that but again, each to their own.
The family that have multiple friends and partners staying, again down to them if they don’t want that going on, some people like a houseful, and if they have 4 kids they’re probably not adverse to a busy house-if not they can tell them.
house rents and prices are so high these days, it’s more the norm for adult kids to be at home longer.

I can just see the girlfriend on MN in a few years asking for advice about the toxic in-laws. I find it so odd my mother was difficult and demanding,my father in law was a bigot and a chauvinist, I had toxic cousins and weird uncles yet we all managed to spend celebrations and birthdays together without to much drama. Saying that the gf sounds vile spoilt and entitled ban her from your house and point out to your horrible son that he is likely to be disinherited and he's lost his golden child crown. Point out that you have also lost respect for him.