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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To never invite them again.

291 replies

PatrickDog · 10/05/2025 19:21

We have just come today from a holiday with my parents, me, DS and his girlfriend.

Just to add DS and his girlfriend asked to come and everyone had their own space, they had their own room and were able to do whatever they wanted and when so not tied to us.

Neither DS nor his girlfriend paid to come bar their spends as my parents wanted to do something nice. Previously to this I have spent limited time with the girlfriend and thought she seemed nice. She stays over a couple of times a week but I just leave them to it.

On holiday DS girlfriend complained about absolutely everything!

We stayed at a resort. On site the entertainment ended at 10.30pm and last orders was 11pm. DS girlfriend complained every single night how she couldn't believe it. We were very near a major nightlife place they could have got a taxi for less than a fiver and stayed out late.

Some of the on site attractions only opened in the afternoon. She complained. Again there was lots just off site.

DS and his girlfriend went to a paid for attraction of their choosing. Girlfriend complained the entire way round that certain small sections weren't open. The main things were. She also moaned that they had been rushed out to the attraction they had chose (at 2pm, it shut at 5!)

On the last full day she had a complete strop about DS wanting to go to the pool for the first time and screamed at DS who then skulked about miserable.

On the flight and journey home DS was out of character really rude to one of my parents who is now (rightly) absolutely livid as they paid for something special for DS girlfriend to moan all week and DS to shout and be rude to them.

Between them they ruined my parents holiday and in turn mine because now I'm getting it in the neck from both sides because DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour and my parents are massively pissed by the behaviour of both.

Neither of them thanked my parents for their free holiday.

I'm pretty upset tbh.

OP posts:
Ddakji · 11/05/2025 10:48

ButteredRadish · 11/05/2025 10:47

Jesus H Christ on a bike at Christmas…. This is quite possibly the most shocking behaviour I’ve ever read/heard. I would cry with happiness if somebody offered me to go on holiday with them, never mind offer to pay (I don’t have any friends or family) and would insist on paying for myself. If they wouldn’t accept payment then I’d make sure I paid for every meal out and that they were reimbursed that way. I’d do whatever they wanted when they wanted and not even dream of moaning! I’d also do all the cleaning & tidying, make every cup of tea and would thank them so much they’d be sick of hearing it… Because that’s how I was raised. I’m staggered. Truly staggered.

Goodness, that’s all very OTT. Take a breath, go for a walk.

PatrickDog · 11/05/2025 10:54

Icebreakhell · 11/05/2025 08:08

It’s really weird, immature behaviour. Like something you’d expect from Kevin and Perry aged teens railing against parents curtailing their fun. Except these are 21/23 year olds, with full freedom. Why the hell didn’t they just go into the main resort after 11pm? Why didn’t she want him to swim in the pool?

Has there been any hints of poor behaviour from either of them before? I’d have personally sent them home.

I would let him cool down and reflect on his behaviour for a few days. He then needs to apologise to his grandparents and offer to reimburse the money for his and girlfriends stay. If you have some money perhaps you can treat your parents to a short break to make up for it?

I would back up grandad changing his will, he is clearly too immature to receive a lump of money. Would probably all disappear into taking the girlfriend on holidays that meet her exacting standards.

Clearly you won’t be taking the pair of them anywhere again but I’d be careful about excluding her from your house. You risk him siding with her and a major falling out. I suspect this relationship will come to an end soon.

I've not spent enough time with the girlfriend to see bad behaviour previously to be honest. She comes in says hello and then they go on their way.
DS isn't perfect and like any family we have our moments but he's generally good to be around and the screaming at his grandparents has never happened.

OP posts:
PatrickDog · 11/05/2025 10:57

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 11/05/2025 09:14

Has he apologised to his grandparents? If not, why not?

He's not been here since.
He scuttled off to his girlfriends at the first chance he got and didn't come back.

I have said he needs to apologise to them.

OP posts:
Thisisittheapocalypse · 11/05/2025 11:52

So he isn't even mature enough to own it and apologise and be ashamed of himself for his behaviour. Just scuttled off and hid and continues to hide.

ThejoyofNC · 11/05/2025 12:18

Honestly I think you need to make a real point out of not accepting this. He's obviously very fortunate and he's now crossed the line and perhaps a bit of that good fortune being removed would be a much needed reality check.

Does he pay anything to live at home? Does he do any domestic duties?

ellie09 · 11/05/2025 12:19

Shameful behaviour, which in time, he will become more aware of.

Good job on reprimanding them both. They both need a bit of a reality check.

I would tell DS that his girlfriend is not welcome back in your home until you get confirmation from GPs that both DS and his girlfriend go to GPs house and apologise to them in person for their behaviour.

I would then suggest to DS that the decent thing to do, would be to also save and book a short break away for his GPs to further apologise for ruining their holiday.

foghead · 11/05/2025 12:22

Please make it clear to him that behind your parents anger is hurt. They were looking forward to a nice holiday as a family which was ruined.
It’s a shame he’s in a relationship with somehow who he can’t grow with.

GreenCandleWax · 11/05/2025 12:28

suburberphobe · 10/05/2025 19:24

God, she sounds insufferable. What an utter self-obsessed bitch.

Hope he dumps her soon.

He sounds almost as bad! What entitlement and rudeness, plus ingratitude.

TheAutumnCrow · 11/05/2025 12:45

foghead · 11/05/2025 12:22

Please make it clear to him that behind your parents anger is hurt. They were looking forward to a nice holiday as a family which was ruined.
It’s a shame he’s in a relationship with somehow who he can’t grow with.

Yes, I agree.

Behind the parents' anger is hurt.

Behind the son's anger is embarrassment.

Behind the girlfriend's behaviour is resentment (and/or boredom/entitlement/immaturity*)

And the OP is being used as the poor sod in the middle.

*take your pick

thepariscrimefiles · 11/05/2025 13:15

ButteredRadish · 11/05/2025 10:47

Jesus H Christ on a bike at Christmas…. This is quite possibly the most shocking behaviour I’ve ever read/heard. I would cry with happiness if somebody offered me to go on holiday with them, never mind offer to pay (I don’t have any friends or family) and would insist on paying for myself. If they wouldn’t accept payment then I’d make sure I paid for every meal out and that they were reimbursed that way. I’d do whatever they wanted when they wanted and not even dream of moaning! I’d also do all the cleaning & tidying, make every cup of tea and would thank them so much they’d be sick of hearing it… Because that’s how I was raised. I’m staggered. Truly staggered.

That's a bit over-dramatic. OP's son's behaviour was pretty terrible but I've read about much worse behaviour on here, normally relating to domestic violence and sexual assault/rape committed by the OP's partner or husband.

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 13:43

I can't stand people who give something to others or pay for something and then hold it over them. Your parents need to give their heads a wobble and everyone else should stop feeling beholden to them. They paid, their choice.

TheHerboriste · 11/05/2025 13:46

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 13:43

I can't stand people who give something to others or pay for something and then hold it over them. Your parents need to give their heads a wobble and everyone else should stop feeling beholden to them. They paid, their choice.

Wrong.

Expecting adult people to be pleasant traveling companions in gratitude for a gift of a holiday is not “holding it over them.”

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 13:47

PatrickDog · 10/05/2025 19:49

I'd hoped so but he's dropped everything to go out with her tonight so don't think I'm that lucky.

You've made sure that you've acted in such a way that you've pushed them closer together, they're the only allies that they've got. Well done.

dogcatkitten · 11/05/2025 13:53

Tell your DS he has to apologise to your parents, explain that he and his GF ruined everyone's holiday and that is not OK, they are old enough to know what they were doing and were being extremely childish and rude. If they stay together it will be a disaster.

rookiemere · 11/05/2025 14:44

It’s interesting that her own DPs haven’t taken her away since she was a teen.

I know it’s like mumsnet bingo, but I do wonder if the DGF is neuro diverse, so out of sorts as out of her routine and her complaints were more her expressing confusion that aspects of the holiday were not how she expected them to be.

In any case I would speak to your DS asap about it. He needs to apologise to his DGPs. I would suggest he takes them out for a meal ( leave the GF at home).

Whoarethoseguys · 11/05/2025 14:57

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 13:43

I can't stand people who give something to others or pay for something and then hold it over them. Your parents need to give their heads a wobble and everyone else should stop feeling beholden to them. They paid, their choice.

I don't think they are holding anything over them they just didn't expect their holiday to be ruined by constant moaning which is fair enough. If the GF was unhappy with the facilities (that she hadn't paid for ) she should have kept it to herself and got on with things. And whether the grandparents paid for the holiday or not there was no excuse for the grandson to shout in his elderly grandmother's face. That is never acceptable

TheHerboriste · 11/05/2025 14:57

dogcatkitten · 11/05/2025 13:53

Tell your DS he has to apologise to your parents, explain that he and his GF ruined everyone's holiday and that is not OK, they are old enough to know what they were doing and were being extremely childish and rude. If they stay together it will be a disaster.

Young guys will put up with anything no matter how rock-bottom, to continue getting laid, in my observation.

Unfortunately for the people around them.

67676767ttt · 11/05/2025 15:37

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 13:43

I can't stand people who give something to others or pay for something and then hold it over them. Your parents need to give their heads a wobble and everyone else should stop feeling beholden to them. They paid, their choice.

I can't stand people who give something to others or pay for something and then hold it over them.

Nor can I.

Fortunately that is not what's happening here.

Expecting manners and to not be shouted at is a very low bar for the GPs to expect.

PatrickDog · 11/05/2025 15:51

Oh give over with the well done part.
If he screamed in someone's face in public in the way he did with anyone other than his grandparents he'd be lucky if they didn't get floored by someone. He'd certainly get worse back.

If he wants to go off and be allies because he as a grown man got called out for screaming in the face of an elderly grandparent who was actually trying to help him at the time then off he pops to be honest...

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 11/05/2025 15:56

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 13:43

I can't stand people who give something to others or pay for something and then hold it over them. Your parents need to give their heads a wobble and everyone else should stop feeling beholden to them. They paid, their choice.

OP's parents are not holiding anything over their grandson. They weren't asking for thanks, just not to have to listen to the girlfriend complaining about everything and for their grandson not to shout at his grandmother.

Objectively, the girlfriend's and OP's son's behaviour was awful. They are adults not children so should behave as such.

FreeRider · 11/05/2025 16:06

What did he yell at the grandparents about?

AngelicKaty · 11/05/2025 16:12

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 13:47

You've made sure that you've acted in such a way that you've pushed them closer together, they're the only allies that they've got. Well done.

You clearly have very low expectations of your children. Decent parents wouldn't allow their minor children to behave this way towards their DGPs (free holiday or not), let alone their adult children, without challenging it. OP obviously has higher standards and, quite correctly, is holding her DS to account for his appalling outburst at his DGM. Apologising is the least he should do.
@PatrickDog OP your DS's GF seems to have an unhealthy influence over him - he certainly seems to be in thrall to her. Have they been together long?

ButteredRadish · 11/05/2025 16:14

Ddakji · 11/05/2025 10:48

Goodness, that’s all very OTT. Take a breath, go for a walk.

There’s no need to be so rude! You need to go for a walk, love by the sounds of it. Grow up!

CuthbertStrange · 11/05/2025 17:06

Gustavo77 · 11/05/2025 13:43

I can't stand people who give something to others or pay for something and then hold it over them. Your parents need to give their heads a wobble and everyone else should stop feeling beholden to them. They paid, their choice.

I guess you’re either the girlfriend or behave like she does? She was rude, obnoxious and ungrateful and deserves a bollocking.

Clownsy · 11/05/2025 17:24

Good lord, screaming at and elderly grandfather on holiday with granny who nearly died months ago, after his holiday has been paid for.

How unbelievable.
No I think you need a break from seeing her.
A real break.
Your son is a disgrace, and absolute disgrace.
Your poor parents.

What is he doing in life?
Because if he doesn't apologise genuinely and profusely to his grandparents, rather than sneaking away as he has, I would be taking a step back from my support of him.

It would be very unwise to dismiss this.
He is an adult that is showing you appallingly nasty behaviour towards an elderly relative.

This is not normal behaviour and not to be dismissed.
I would think this is a marker of his character and you would be wise to note it.
I doubt it will be the last time you will see it.

I would be giving him a bollixing he wouldn't forget and laying down a few home truths about what is and is not acceptable behaviour.

She's the dregs, so beware.

I feel for you OP, you must be so upset and mortified.
Your poor parents.
What a disappointment.
No good deed and all that.....