To never invite them again.

[PatrickDog]

We have just come today from a holiday with my parents, me, DS and his girlfriend.

Just to add DS and his girlfriend asked to come and everyone had their own space, they had their own room and were able to do whatever they wanted and when so not tied to us.

Neither DS nor his girlfriend paid to come bar their spends as my parents wanted to do something nice. Previously to this I have spent limited time with the girlfriend and thought she seemed nice. She stays over a couple of times a week but I just leave them to it.

On holiday DS girlfriend complained about absolutely everything!

We stayed at a resort. On site the entertainment ended at 10.30pm and last orders was 11pm. DS girlfriend complained every single night how she couldn't believe it. We were very near a major nightlife place they could have got a taxi for less than a fiver and stayed out late.

Some of the on site attractions only opened in the afternoon. She complained. Again there was lots just off site.

DS and his girlfriend went to a paid for attraction of their choosing. Girlfriend complained the entire way round that certain small sections weren't open. The main things were. She also moaned that they had been rushed out to the attraction they had chose (at 2pm, it shut at 5!)

On the last full day she had a complete strop about DS wanting to go to the pool for the first time and screamed at DS who then skulked about miserable.

On the flight and journey home DS was out of character really rude to one of my parents who is now (rightly) absolutely livid as they paid for something special for DS girlfriend to moan all week and DS to shout and be rude to them.

Between them they ruined my parents holiday and in turn mine because now I'm getting it in the neck from both sides because DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour and my parents are massively pissed by the behaviour of both.

Neither of them thanked my parents for their free holiday.

I'm pretty upset tbh.

At 21/23 it's highly unlikely he will end up with her and therefore the will business is probably a needless worry.
Does he know his grandfather is threatening this?

He could apologise easily enough.

The son absolutely should apologise but it's immature to add back in remove people from a will because you are annoyed at them.

People who put conditions on money are usually quite damaged & tend to damage those around them.

Blimey! No wonder you needed to vent!

YANBU to never invite the gf again. CF! Your DS asks if she can come, she gets a free holiday, their own room, no expectations to hang out with those paying, easy to get to places. But she endlessly moaned?!

Then didn’t even say thanks, let alone send a card and/or flowers to the GPs to show her appreciation?

She’s screwed herself for getting another free holiday.

If it was out of character for your DS to be shouty and rude, then he may’ve lost it because of the stress and embarrassment his gf was causing. No excuse, but maybe an explanation. Whatever, he needs to apologise to his GPs and you for his outburst, as well as the disrespectful behaviour of his guest/gf. And he shouldn’t be in a bad humour with you for his GPs objecting to his behaviour. Even if they were rude to him or a scene was caused, he can sort that out with them.

While I’d give the gf a wide berth from now on, I wouldn’t show any negativity about her to your DS. It may push him more towards her. Say nothing more about her, other than responding to any mention of her in as polite and limited way as possible. Hopefully, he’ll see sense. They’re still v young and will likely not last that long.

And in making that threat he’s instantly made it impossible for the son to apologise genuinely now without it feeling forced and linked to money/inheritance

Nicely OP I think it's an overreaction from you and your parents. He's a young adult and probably in his first serious relationship. He was probably snappy by the end of the week because he knew how ridiculous she was being but it's easier to bite back at family who love him unconditionally (...or apparently not from what you've said about your father) than the girlfriend. He'll figure it out, it probably won't last and he'll look back with regret and embarrassment. Don't push him away

@macaroniandcheeze good point

Nonsense, removing someone from a will over this is ridiculous & petty.

I wouldn’t leave money to someone who had been that rude to me. Maybe if it was my own child but not an adult grandchild.

Such a misogynistic take. It wasn’t the girlfriend that was rude to the grandparents was it? She might had moaned but it seems your son has ruined the holiday.

Yet somehow she is getting the blame and the ‘poor son’ is being pitied. This is probably the same ‘poor son’ that is a shit husband in 5 years.

What for one mistake in an other wise good relationship? 🙄

YANBU to never invite the gf again. CF! Your DS asks if she can come, she gets a free holiday, their own room, no expectations to hang out with those paying, easy to get to places. But she endlessly moaned?!
Then didn’t even say thanks, let alone send a card and/or flowers to the GPs to show her appreciation?
She’s screwed herself for getting another free holiday.
If it was out of character for your DS to be shouty and rude, then he may’ve lost it because of the stress and embarrassment his gf was causing. No excuse, but maybe an explanation. Whatever, he needs to apologise to his GPs and you for his outburst, as well as the disrespectful behaviour of his guest/gf. And he shouldn’t be in a bad humour with you for his GPs objecting to his behaviour. Even if they were rude to him or a scene was caused, he can sort that out with them

she moaned about the bar being shut. The son shouted and swore at his grandparents. Check your misogyny

I agree with this^
I also think @ScrollingLeaves and @MikeRafone both made good points.
I wouldn’t forbid her from the house. I would encourage your DS to apologize to GPs but make sure that they would accept the apology without drama and threats. This situation requires wisdom, there were too much emotions already.

Do you think he was rude to your parents because of her behaviour? Ie she'd irritated him too and took it out on them? And/or been getting it in the neck from her and got annoyed with them as a result?

oh absolutely. It would never be the grown man’s fault would it. She pushed him to it I tell you!

I feel sorry for your ds. 21 is still young for managing difficult relationships and he has a nightmare older girlfriend. It sounds like a really horrible stressful holiday for him, he's not only dealt with her bitching and screaming at him, but will undoubtedly have been aware of how her behaviour has been impacting you and his dgp throughout the holiday and have felt responsible for her behaviour. He's finally snapped and now everyone is mad at him.

You need to support him, let him know that he isn't responsible for his girlfriend's behaviour and that he deserves a girlfriend who will treat him with respect. You need to be understanding of the difficult position he was in and let him know that whilst he's, he owes your parents an apology that everyone knows it was out of character due to the stress of the situation. It's only if he continues the relationship that he's condoning her behaviour towards both him and his family.

Just to add I don't think for a second my Dad would actually write him out of the will. He's just venting to me and very upset because my Mum has been very unwell at at Christmas it didn't look so good so the fact they've managed to go on holiday for the first time in 8 years for someone to spoil it has really wound him up. Rightfully so to be fair

Your son is the issue here. Focus on that

In regards to the parents I've met them twice so don't really know much about them but they seemed nice people and didn't appear moany. I do know they go on multiple holidays a year and haven't taken her for many years since she was a young teen which I thought was a bit harsh before this week...

He can’t buy your son’s behaviour or use money to control who he dates, not without completely alienating him.

He's probably angry and upset, not being controlling.

@PatrickDog i genuinely don’t think you need to beat yourself up at all over this. This does not reflect badly on you - as you have said, you called them out gently and then more forcefully as the week went on.
Their behaviour has been appalling. What is it with the entitlement? Why do some young people think it’s ok to behave like this?
My concern if I were you would be for your son. The papers this week have been full of the relationship breakdown between Prince Harry & his family since he married, and Brooklyn Beckham and his family since he married - both of them to older women.
We all know that males don’t catch up with women emotionally and with their maturity until about 25. So these young men are easily malleable .
Personally although I would never want to lay eyes on the cheeky GF ever again I would sit back and assess the situation - as l presume you don’t want to loose your son. I think he is young, in love and ‘c*nt struck’ (horrible phrase but very apt) - and she seems to be pulling his strings atm.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,
I would be wanting to keep an eye on the balance and behaviour in their relationship while watching out for red flags - and if you ban her you can’t observe can you?
Im not saying my advice is right but you know them, we don’t, and you will I, sure work out the right way to navigate through this.
However, my caveat would be a full and sincere face to face apology to the grandparents. No quibble on that one, Stress on him the importance of grandparents, that they are not around for ever and is he does not apologise you know he will live to regret it as he is too nice a man for his conscience not to prick.
Good luck - this is bigger than just your holiday, you may be fighting for your son.

Having read your update about your dad, I would say that as far as your DS’s behaviour goes, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Everyone is lashing out.

I think he is young, in love and ‘cunt struck’ (horrible phrase but very apt) *

that’s fucking revolting @LunaDeBallona. check yourself

I agree, it is horrible, but very apt.
We are allowed to swear on here you know.

How is it apt? You don’t know the pair in question. Or do you randomly apply that term to every young couple?
Why?

I'm so angry for you OP. I absolutely would not tolerate rudeness or disrespect towards my parents. Ever.

Do they understand how bad their behaviour was? Have they shown real remorse?

What is the plan going forward? She's absolutely banned from your house? They are buying a thank you gift? When? When is DS going to go, on his own and apologise and thank his DGPs? Then what day will he take her along to repeat the grovelling? He also owes them and you an explanation for his shit behaviour. This is important in understanding why he behaved that way and ensuring he understands what the triggers were (her) so he can take steps to prevent a repeat.

Good luck OP. I doubt the relationship will last so bide your time...

Because young men often have their brains led by what is in their pants,
Please don’t pretend that isn’t a thing.
No I don’t know the young couple - only the op does.
No I dont ‘randomly apply that term’ to every young couple - only where I believe it’s applicable, which I do here.
Perhaps don’t de rail the thread over two words in my post??