To never invite them again.

[PatrickDog]

We have just come today from a holiday with my parents, me, DS and his girlfriend.

Just to add DS and his girlfriend asked to come and everyone had their own space, they had their own room and were able to do whatever they wanted and when so not tied to us.

Neither DS nor his girlfriend paid to come bar their spends as my parents wanted to do something nice. Previously to this I have spent limited time with the girlfriend and thought she seemed nice. She stays over a couple of times a week but I just leave them to it.

On holiday DS girlfriend complained about absolutely everything!

We stayed at a resort. On site the entertainment ended at 10.30pm and last orders was 11pm. DS girlfriend complained every single night how she couldn't believe it. We were very near a major nightlife place they could have got a taxi for less than a fiver and stayed out late.

Some of the on site attractions only opened in the afternoon. She complained. Again there was lots just off site.

DS and his girlfriend went to a paid for attraction of their choosing. Girlfriend complained the entire way round that certain small sections weren't open. The main things were. She also moaned that they had been rushed out to the attraction they had chose (at 2pm, it shut at 5!)

On the last full day she had a complete strop about DS wanting to go to the pool for the first time and screamed at DS who then skulked about miserable.

On the flight and journey home DS was out of character really rude to one of my parents who is now (rightly) absolutely livid as they paid for something special for DS girlfriend to moan all week and DS to shout and be rude to them.

Between them they ruined my parents holiday and in turn mine because now I'm getting it in the neck from both sides because DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour and my parents are massively pissed by the behaviour of both.

Neither of them thanked my parents for their free holiday.

I'm pretty upset tbh.

@PatrickDog what a coward he is.
I certainly wouldn't be letting her back in my house until they had both apologised to your parents, and you.

The behaviours from both GF and your son in different ways were appalling. The GF more so I might add. How a person could be so ungrateful astounds me. I have sympathy with your parents, how utterly disappointed they must be feeling. Abused is a word commonly used nowadays but I do feel their kindness has been used and abused. They are owed a heartfelt apology from both your son and his badly behaved GF, I doubt, however, one will be forthcoming.

I empathise with the pp saying the6 wouldn’t let her in the house again, but that’s possibly going to make the OP’s ds resent her and dog his heels in about his gf. It could lead to him going nc. I say tread carefully whilst obviously telling them both that their behaviour was terrible.

I would have done this the second day of the holiday.

Why didn’t you, OP?

I've reiterated how upset my parents are, made it clear that they will never be coming again and how angry I am.

To get an idea of how angry my Dad is, he's actually threatened to change his will because DS is due money and he doesn't want the girlfriend to ever get a penny of what he's worked for after this week.

He had balls enough to be rude in the first place, though?
He sounds completely spineless, tbh.
Not much to be proud of there.

I'd have sent them/her home. Cheeky fucker!

As I said above I did actually speak to the girlfriend directly diplomatically at first and then more annoyed later.
I also spoke to DS about it.

DS incident with my parents happened as we were almost home and as I said I bollocked him there and then and have had words since.

Hopefully, he’ll follow through on that.

Your ds doesn’t deserve it on his own behalf, never mind any concerns about any of it finding it’s way to her.

Their behaviour was awful and it’s shocking how ungrateful some people can be. Your parents tried to do something nice and were taken for granted and massively disrespected.

One thing I’ve noticed in life is some people act very entitled and don’t value something when they get it for free as opposed to having to pay for it themselves. When they pay for it they tend to take it more seriously and make the most of it.

Tell them you expect your dps to be reimbursed for their share of the holiday

I don’t think this is a great idea, it’s very unrealistic and nothing will come out of it. I mean sure Op can ask if she wants but I very much doubt they’ll pay a penny given they can’t even say thanks (which is shameful) All it will do is sour things further and what’s more they’re under no obligation to pay because tbf went on the understanding that it was free.

The parents are just going to have to suck it up and know not to pay for him/his friends again and indeed think twice about inviting them anywhere even if he pays . And OP needs to sit down and have a very serious talk with her son and he should apologise to his GPs.

I would absolutely support your df in changing the will. He’s too immature to make any good decisions. And only time will tell if he is capable of that. In the mean while he doesn’t deserve anything. I would just make it very clear that she isn’t welcome anymore and she really needs to prove she’s changed before you accept her again.

This.

Some of the things you mention about the GF make me wonder if she’s overbearing on your DS.

“DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour ”

Why? He must surely know that the way he spoke to his grandparents was utterly unacceptable. I feel for your DPs who were trying to do something nice for you and your DS - I doubt they could have cared less whether the GF came or not, and only paid for her to please your DS. I can completely understand that your DPs are more than a little upset to have had their generosity abused by your DS and GF - your DS needs to apologise to them, even if the GF won’t. It’s quite possible this relationship won’t last, even if your DS has gone running off to see her - but he needs to make his peace with his grandparents, and he needs to understand that his behaviour was that of an entitled brat rather than a grandson who had been kindly taken on holiday by his grandparents as a treat. There’s no need for you to be getting it in the neck from both parents and DS - I’d be making it v plain to my DPs how disappointed I was with DS and GF’s behaviour because of the way they behaved, and that that’s the last free holiday he’ll be having. (I know he’s your DS and you don’t want to fall out with him irrevocably, but I’d make it very plain how disappointed you are and I’d be thinking long and hard about whether in future I’d so much as take him and his GF out for a burger.)

I think you've done everything you can do OP. I've twice taken DC's friend abroad on holiday and both times went well. Lucky I guess.

But yeah, well done for calling them out as and when you did. I can imagine it was tough.

Is this out of character for your ds to be rude to your parents? Has he ever done it before and what was the outcome? I suppose it's complicated by his gf being involved.
I remember my ds being a real brat to my parents once, when he was about 7 or so and they'd taken both kids for a lovely day out. I was furious with him and made him write a (sincere) letter of apology to them. My mum wrote back a lovely letter to him thanking him and saying she understood and what a lovely boy he usually was etc... I found the letter recently (DS is now nearly 30 and my parents have passed away) and it made me shed a tear.
Reader, DS remained in the will!

They were rude, you called them out on it and they won’t be invited again on holiday.

Your DF threatening to take him out of the will is immature and manipulative and frankly I’d be very angry at the threat. Your DS clearly has a good relationship with them and that’s why he’s in the will and was invited on holiday to start with. If your DF is this upset and wants to put the money in a trust with guidelines around it then that’s fine but threatening to cut him out is so foolish and would be very hurtful.

Sounds like a lot of immature behaviour all around.

Do you think he was rude to your parents because of her behaviour? Ie she'd irritated him too and took it out on them? And/or been getting it in the neck from her and got annoyed with them as a result? Either way I'd give it a few days for things to cool down and tell DS what your DF said about the will - not as a threat but as a sign of despite how much they love DS they made this comment because of how rude and upsetting they found their behaviour. Emphasise that you know he knows better and an apology and thank you would be basic manners.

He was 7…
Op’s ds is 23.

Someone will come along and tell you how this will push her son away so she needs to just shut up and accept it.

He won't go near my parents currently because he knows how angry they are.

This is key. He can now make the best out of a difficult situation, grow up a bit and visit his GPs to apologise.

The alternative is that he shirks that and avoids doing the right thing again.

Op said they asked to come along, they weren’t actually invited at all.
Which makes their bratty behaviour all the more reprehensible.

Massively out of character. Bar the odd eye roll as a teenager he's never been rude to them and he's certainly never shouted at them like he did.
In fact he's always been the golden child with them which is probably why they are so upset.

Well technically DS was invited but he asked if girlfriend could come.

Truthfully, I'd let things settle. You've told them both how you feel and everyone needs to calm down before things get said that can't be taken back. I doubt your DS had much of a holiday if she was bending his ear and moaning the whole time. He could have been very embarassed.... and if his reaction wasn't usual for him, I'd let it slide for the sake of family harmony. You are quite at liberty though to refuse having her stay over if that's how she shows gratitude.

OP's son has refused to apologise to his grandparents. He is 23, not a small child, apparently he was shockingly rude to his grandparents and he should learn that actions have consequences.

The majority of inheritances are left to the children of the deceased not the grandchildren. If OP's dad changes his will, it is likely that his grandson's share of the inheritance will be left to OP instead so her son will inherit when she dies.

If OP's son is genuinely contrite and makes a sincere and heartfelt apology, I would assume that OP's dad probably won't change his will. But so far, OP's son isn't in a hurry to make amends for his and his girlfriends appalling and ungrateful behaviour.