To never invite them again.

[PatrickDog]

We have just come today from a holiday with my parents, me, DS and his girlfriend.

Just to add DS and his girlfriend asked to come and everyone had their own space, they had their own room and were able to do whatever they wanted and when so not tied to us.

Neither DS nor his girlfriend paid to come bar their spends as my parents wanted to do something nice. Previously to this I have spent limited time with the girlfriend and thought she seemed nice. She stays over a couple of times a week but I just leave them to it.

On holiday DS girlfriend complained about absolutely everything!

We stayed at a resort. On site the entertainment ended at 10.30pm and last orders was 11pm. DS girlfriend complained every single night how she couldn't believe it. We were very near a major nightlife place they could have got a taxi for less than a fiver and stayed out late.

Some of the on site attractions only opened in the afternoon. She complained. Again there was lots just off site.

DS and his girlfriend went to a paid for attraction of their choosing. Girlfriend complained the entire way round that certain small sections weren't open. The main things were. She also moaned that they had been rushed out to the attraction they had chose (at 2pm, it shut at 5!)

On the last full day she had a complete strop about DS wanting to go to the pool for the first time and screamed at DS who then skulked about miserable.

On the flight and journey home DS was out of character really rude to one of my parents who is now (rightly) absolutely livid as they paid for something special for DS girlfriend to moan all week and DS to shout and be rude to them.

Between them they ruined my parents holiday and in turn mine because now I'm getting it in the neck from both sides because DS is angry at being called out for his behaviour and my parents are massively pissed by the behaviour of both.

Neither of them thanked my parents for their free holiday.

I'm pretty upset tbh.

He's the 21 year old, she's the 23 year old. Either way still old enough to know better.

3 generations of the same family on holiday can sometimes go wrong but add in a stranger to 4 of the adults and it really can be the grenade into the mix. Not what everyone else was expecting

do you think your son was rude due to the stress or atmosphere of how the holiday was going?

its a really tricky situation for you, as pushing her away could also push him away. Keeping her coming to the house, much as you don’t want to might well be the better option & hope they break up

I know these brats are 20+ adults behaving like entitled children.

OP maybe see how the next interaction is with the GF and if necessary ask to speak to her parents if she can’t adult.

I doubt she will be his GF for much longer.

I went on holiday with my DHs family once. His mum was miserable and moaning most the time. I told my DH it wouldn't be happening again and he agreed. That was the end of it though. I think it's a bit extreme that you don't want her in your house and your parents are getting at you about it. Maybe best to just move on from it now. See it as a lesson learned and not invite them again.

I hope she won't be his GF much longer.

Ime your ds needs to see you don't support his relationship..
I wasn't being a hypocrite when ds has a string of hideous girls at our home. Including the fwb who milked him of ££ and mentioned her girls trip and the hoping of an aching fanny when she got back.
In front of his young siblings
God she was horrific.. When ds realised we all hated her he had to acknowledge the theme...

It’s an important lesson about biting the hand that feeds you.
The gp’s don’t want the gf to have access to the money. I think that’s fair enough.

@PatrickDog , gently, because I understand your rage and disappointment.
Which - to be clear - is entirely justified.

But being angry isn't working, is it!

You need to have a calm conversation with DS. Without blame

Shameful. My son is 16 and his girlfriend 15 and they wouldn’t behave like that. I wouldn’t have her round the house.

What do his friends think of his girlfriend?

Well you get your house back, she won't be staying over. I'd let it go now, you've called him out. He has to man up and sort his grandparents out himself. He's not a child.

Yes, I rather agree. Watch out for criticising the awful gf as you do not want to make him defensive about her and dig in.

I think it is possible he lashed out at your parents in a defensive ‘reverse’ , instead of at the real culprit, the gf, because he too (secretly) was stressed by the gf’s behaviour. He must be under her thumb.

Your DS does need to apologise to his grandparents.

All of the money going to children isn’t my experience it all. It’s normal for grandparents to set aside a trust or amount of money/contribute to savings accounts for grandchildren when they have the funds.

inheritance should never be held over someone’s head or revoked over something as silly as this. He behaved poorly, it’s out of character and he needs to learn to own his behavior and make amends.

but anyone who uses inheritance as a punishment is immature.

Did you ask them why they came? or why there were so ungrateful?

Gosh I was thinking 18 !!! Twenties MUCH too old for this .

@PatrickDog sorry I was maybe a bit harsh about your son. You sound like a lovely mum, and he sounds like he's been massively influenced by the girlfriend.

Some people do just love to complain & moan constantly, I don't think they are aware they do it. However not saying thank you is awful.

It’s an important lesson about biting the hand that feeds you.

Nonsense, removing someone from a will over this is ridiculous & petty.

The fuck is wrong with (young) peoples' attitudes these days.
I wouldn't have dared behave like that.
If I was your DSs girlfriend I would have been falling over myself to thank you and your parents for the free holiday. I was expecting you to say they were 18 or 19 at the oldest. At 21 and 23 they need to grow up.

Of course YANBU. That has to be the last time they come on holiday with you. Sorry you didn't have a good time.

Mm..

I wonder if he has really struggled knowing how to handle his girlfriend being a massive arse, in front of his parents/grandparents.. It must be mortifying to be in his shoes, with everyone upset that his girlfriend is a total dick!

So he's had a stressful holiday and at the end, just snapped, sadly at the wrong people... and does not know how to come back from that.

I would tread carefully, if you're all telling him he's fucked up, you are potentially driving him to her, who of course will tell him his behaviours fine, hers is fine, everyone else is an utter bastard.

It IS difficult when you bring a third party on a family event and they unexpectedly behave like a massive twat - you only have to trundle through MN on any given day to find myriad adults struggling with this and not knowing what to say/how to handle it.

So I'd have some sympathy for him for that - it doesn't excuse being rude or ungrateful of course, but it might explain how he is feeling a bit!

Nonsense, removing someone from a will over this is ridiculous & petty.

He could apologise easily enough.

Have you met the parents? I wonder what they’re like on holiday. A lot of people (strangers) I’ve encountered on holiday just love a moan even over the smallest things whereas others (like you and your parents) manage their expectations and make the best out of any situation. Maybe she comes from that kind of moany family that complains about everything on holiday. Not excusing it just wondering about why she behaved so badly.

I disagree, the DF writing the son out of the will is horrible petty behaviour. He should apologise without that threat. He can’t buy your son’s behaviour or use money to control who he dates, not without completely alienating him.

I work with someone who moans about everything & there is always an issue but I'm used to it now.