Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Team day out without me

275 replies

Ereerenownow · 10/05/2025 16:04

Have just seen on social media that my entire team have been taken out as a treat by our manager. He has taken them to a local seaside resort for ice creams and general fun. I haven't been invited and didn't know anything about it. I'm the only one not there. We were all in the office yesterday and not a single person mentioned it.

OP posts:
Tulipsontoast · 10/05/2025 20:08

Who posted it? Company social media or a colleague?

Mary46 · 10/05/2025 20:08

Horrible so hurtful.

Loub1987 · 10/05/2025 20:09

It’s horrible, sorry @Ereerenownow.

Do you want to complain or let it go?

JaniceLongSchlong · 10/05/2025 20:11

JaniceLongSchlong · 10/05/2025 18:17

About 6 years ago my current team went on a weekend to Prague (inaugural flight route from our local tiny airport).

Normally my regular boss would have probably intervened if she caught wind of it but she’d just gone on maternity leave and the next “most timed served” senior wannabe offered to “step up” to look after the shop until a replacement (him) was formally appointed.

Sorry I posted too soon and couldn’t edit!

Basically 6 of them from the team went for the weekend. It seemed to come out in “leaked” bits and pieces over the following months.

example: they are nice shoes , yes they are a lot cheaper to buy in Prague.(puzzled why they had a red face a month after!)

Have you ever been to Prague? Did you know There’s a new route from our local airport? I went on the inaugural flight and recognised people from our town and from large workplace were also there. I might go back again, I reckon you would love it!

”I wish there were Prague Prices for beer and food” it’s so much cheaper than here!”

so yes,,I can totally relate

Lilactimes · 10/05/2025 20:17

As a manager it’s really poor behaviour - he’s being totally unreasonable. What a horrid man.
Hope you feel ok and can look for something else or maybe ask for a transfer to another team?

steff13 · 10/05/2025 20:26

If someone had made it clear that they're not interested in socializing with their coworkers is it still bullying if the manager didn't invite her, assuming he was under the impression she wasn't interested in socializing with them? I can see the argument that she should still be invited, but I can also so why they might think it's ok not to invite.

PeachBlossom1234 · 10/05/2025 20:27

This is bullying. You need to screenshot all the posts and speak to HR on Monday

Commonsense22 · 10/05/2025 20:28

OP that's really nasty I am sorry. I absolutely would raise this to HR in writing so it is documented as similar scenarios have been the root of successful legal challenges.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 10/05/2025 20:29

NamechangeJunebaby · 10/05/2025 16:07

Oh dear. Is this type of exclusion a common occurrence? Employment case law recently has had some cases similar to this - even down to one where a team member wasn’t asked if they wanted a cuppa. Possible work place bullying. Unless there’s a specific reason that you can think of - it is horrible to be excluded.

Do you have a link for that? I could use a case study like that?!?

MrsPinkCock · 10/05/2025 20:30

I think a formal grievance would be a completely understandable next step!!

Or just to walk up to your manager on Monday, ask how how the team away day went and why you weren’t invited? I am a confrontational twat at times though…!

YourLoyalPlumOP · 10/05/2025 20:30

Ereerenownow · 10/05/2025 16:04

Have just seen on social media that my entire team have been taken out as a treat by our manager. He has taken them to a local seaside resort for ice creams and general fun. I haven't been invited and didn't know anything about it. I'm the only one not there. We were all in the office yesterday and not a single person mentioned it.

That’s super shitty of him OP

walk into the office on Monday smiling. Head held up high.

you’ve got this.

❤️❤️

NamechangeJunebaby · 10/05/2025 20:33

EquinoxQueen · 10/05/2025 19:29

Dig your bullying policy out. This normally covers events in work and associated with work. Exclusion in this form is a matter for HR, although think hard if you want to raise a grievance (you would be entitled to). This is absolutely bullying through exclusion.

do not comment on social media, draft an email to HR today with screen shots, wait on it and decide if you want to send it on Monday.

that is one shit manager and the fact the rest of the team was complicit is also shit. Can you go back to your substantive post?

@Ereerenownow see if you can get a free consultation with an employment lawyer - asap. I mentioned up thread that there’s new recent case law that specifically refers to this kind of behaviour. I’d hazard a guess that when you report to Hr they will try to find a way to manage you out so get advice FIRST. And make a list of the other times similar things / bullying has occurred. Do this to protect yourself.

Beautifulweeds · 10/05/2025 20:36

That's so horrible, rude and basically disgusting!

Also no one else mentioned it? No reason I can think of to ostracise you from this apart from leader being an inept or unpleasant person.

So sorry. Now I'm older I would just be direct and ask face to face why I wasn't invited while having record on my phone. Xxx

Changeyourlifes · 10/05/2025 20:36

Ereerenownow · 10/05/2025 16:16

Thanks for your messages. I don't think I'm well liked in work. It's a medium sized business but im not part of any clique and it is very cliquey. I'm quiet and people think they can say what they want to me. I've had issues with a couple of colleagues and the manager has always taken their side even when it's been proven that I didn't do anything wrong and they told lies about me. He does quite often ignore me and even when he does speak to me, he won't give me any eye contact. Even so, surely it's shit not to invite me or even mention it to me??

Sorry but??

given what you have said, why are you surprised you are not invited? Like you’re clearly not well liked and possibly in a poor working environment?

Beautifulweeds · 10/05/2025 20:37

Got to be, we need to stick to for ourselves! Xx

JaniceLongSchlong · 10/05/2025 20:37

A few people from my immediate team and our wider department would open invite and include everyone for a weekend BBQ at their house as no work socials funded by CS.

I would always publically thank and decline (I’m older, have an established social life outside work don’t live near them). They were mainly first job out of uni career types under 35. I was mid 40s with lots of jobs with different employers types. This was quite cliquey in my team who had only worked in that team.

Beautifulweeds · 10/05/2025 20:41

That's not a nice thing to say! Because she's quiet doesn't mean she should be excluded as still part of the team.

To say you're clearly not well liked is awful, not everyone can be outgoing and popular.

Very harsh and OP please don't be offended. Xxx

GoKatForDinner · 10/05/2025 20:41

Ereerenownow · 10/05/2025 19:27

No I'm slightly younger than most of the others but not decades younger!

Show quote history

Age is a protected characteristic, so this could be classed as workplace discrimination.

TheMeasure · 10/05/2025 20:55

This is APPALLING behaviour on their part. How horrible of them.
Sure, you might not have wanted to go but that's not the point.
If you wanted to take this further, I think you'd have every grounds to do so but I can see why you might want to let it go.

Trinity69 · 10/05/2025 20:58

Haven’t read the full thread but if it makes you feel any better, I once worked in a very small company and EVERYONE in the office and all of the foremen from our sites was taken to Las Vegas for a week. Except me.

Tiredofallthis101 · 10/05/2025 21:07

I'd screenshot, send him a message and say - 'I was a bit disappointed by tgis message given you didn't take your 'amazing team' out but only some of them. In fact everyone except me. I'd be keen to understand why you appear to have excluded me?' Then send it and his response onto HR. This is the kind of shit that results constructive dismissal claims.

NannyPlum7 · 10/05/2025 21:14

It’s shitty behaviour.

But…I mean you could complain, but to what end? So that they can be forced to invite you along next time? Why on earth would you want that?

You need to just get out of there.

NannyPlum7 · 10/05/2025 21:15

GoKatForDinner · 10/05/2025 20:41

Age is a protected characteristic, so this could be classed as workplace discrimination.

Show quote history

…well yeah but she’d have to prove that her age was the reason for her exclusion (or related to it some way). You can’t just assert that you have a protected characteristic and then say it’s discrimination.

DinaofCloud9 · 10/05/2025 21:21

That's shit of them. I'm sorry.

Would you have gone if you'd known about it?