Team day out without me

[Ereerenownow]

Have just seen on social media that my entire team have been taken out as a treat by our manager. He has taken them to a local seaside resort for ice creams and general fun. I haven't been invited and didn't know anything about it. I'm the only one not there. We were all in the office yesterday and not a single person mentioned it.

I would start a paper trail of emails. "Hi manager, it has come to my attention that the team had a morale building day out yesterday, and I had not received an invite. Please could you advise how this was communicated to the team as I was not given an option to accept or decline an invitation, thank you"

Me too. I would have said that I’d prefer to stay in the office and actually do some work.

That's horrible and unprofessional. I'm sorry you had to deal with it.

It's fair enough if he and some others were mates outside of work and just met up on their own time. But an actual team building experience should include everyone.

It sounds like you're not valued sufficiently and it could be described as a form of bullying.

I remember feeling sad that I was left out of the annual 'team building' day which was only for 'salaried staff'.
As I'd been there for years and worked daily as the receptionist I thought my contract type wouldn't mean I had to be so openly excluded.

I regret not saying anything or leaving sooner tbh.

OP is there anything different about you?
Different colour, race, religion etc?

Many years ago - I thought I worked in a nice workplace, full of nice people.
One girl was getting married.
Found out a bit later on that she had a works hen do and everyone was invited, even the men!
Except for me and 2 other women.
I am Indian, the other 2 women were Chinese and African. Really obvious why we weren't invited.

It explained why the atmosphere was tense before and after that party at work.
Even my manager couldn't look at us.
We found out a few weeks later and it explained why everyone was acting strange and the other room would suddenly go quiet if one of us suddenly walked in.

Also looking back I realised we were segregated.
We were given the crappiest jobs and put in a separate room, despite being the only university educated ones and the only ones doing the professional qualifications.

There was only one other white woman with us in that room but, she had to sit in that room as it was near a particular port that she needed for her banking stuff. She was invited to the hen do.
If they really felt that nothing was wrong they would've been open about it.
Now it is so clear they really couldn't tolerate us - for what? Not being white!

Happy to take lifts home and money for the wedding collection etc - not too foreign for that!

If one colleague is particularly friends with another and they meet up outside work for a drink or whatever, that’s different. What’s happened here is that the entire office has been invited and they’ve purposely left one person out - OP. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a work event or not, it’s bullying. The law is clear and I’ve seen some pretty impressive compensation payments as a result. Especially where there is a pattern of behaviour emerging as OP has described elsewhere.

Did you purposely miss the point

It happens a lot i think. Ive worked in a lot of different places, probably about twenty at this stage.

I remember three workplaces - where i was excluded by the whole team

In one - the women just had more in common with each other than with me

The second and third workplaces, small enough teams, the women just didnt like me. I didn't like them either.

When people dont like you, they are not going to invite you.

I know it can hurt, but what ive realised is - if they dont like me, im not going to enjoy a day out with them either.

Go for days out with people that do like you. Outside work

https://www.personneltoday.com/hr/leher-v-aspers-stratford-city-tribunal/

read the case. A very complex case and much much more serious than this, involving the claimant be excluded from training for example

To the poster using this case as an example of something similar

Arseholes.

I’d be asking straight out where my invite was!

Perfect response. I’d bet the farm the manager won’t respond by email though - it’ll prompt a conversation so in that event OP will need to keep a note of the date and time, and what’s said.

I agree with this. You can’t choose who you work with but you can choose your friends. I get it, but the fact remains that this is bullying behaviour and there are other instances - OP has described an odd vibe. OP should have no problem calling it out so that they know she knows what’s going on - and are left wondering exactly how much shit they’ll get into when she takes it further !!

No I'm slightly younger than most of the others but not decades younger!

Dig your bullying policy out. This normally covers events in work and associated with work. Exclusion in this form is a matter for HR, although think hard if you want to raise a grievance (you would be entitled to). This is absolutely bullying through exclusion.

do not comment on social media, draft an email to HR today with screen shots, wait on it and decide if you want to send it on Monday.

that is one shit manager and the fact the rest of the team was complicit is also shit. Can you go back to your substantive post?

It is not good to exclude just one person; however do you actually want your go out on the weekend with your colleagues? Would have you enjoyed it?

I’m so sorry, OP.
It’s shitty to be the odd man out.
It doesn’t seem like it’ll get any better.
I don’t know if it’ll improve, but maybe you should look into finding employment elsewhere.
Nobody deserves treatment like this.
Hang in there. ❤️

Not that I'd want to go (sounds ghastly) but I'd appreciate the option of being able to say, no thanks, I'm washing my hair (insert appropriate excuse).

It's rude and yes, I'd say that counts as bullying. For no one to mention it to you or around you, he must have insisted that no one say anything or surely someone would have said something, eg, 'See you on Saturday' etc. He sounds like a prize shit. I'd definitely be in touch with HR.

Have you been to HR before? It sounds horrid and would make me feel really shit

Definitely.

Been in similar situations myself but even if managers didn't respond I'd carry on the same email chain saying "thanks for speaking to me today, I just want to make sure we both agree that this is what has been said. You said X, I said Y, and you chose to respond to my email via phonecall/teams call."

It does sort of paint you as that person but in situations like this they've already tarred you with that brush anyway so you might as well be collecting evidence of their mistreatment towards you in the meantime and let them shoot themselves in the foot.

You have told your colleagues you don’t even want to share when your birthday is, and that you hate everything to do with Christmas so to expect you to be withdrawn during the festive period…. Saying these things to colleagues isn’t likely to send out signals that you’d want to spend a Saturday with them on the beach having ice cream

Where did you see the photos OP? I didn’t think you were on any kind of social media?

This happened to me a couple of months ago too so I share your pain.
its absolutely unfair and unprofessional and frankly could be construed as bullying.
our team is small, they’re all much younger than me and into similar things - Botox, social media, body beautiful, celebrities etc.
i tend to arrive, get my head down and work hard, professional and efficient while they are usually posting on SM and slacking off to be fair. no particular issues with any as people and we get along professionally in a supportive manner and all together churn out highly efficient results!
manager invited everyone to a meal except me !
first I knew of it was when another dept mentioned seeing pics on SM and asked why I wasn’t there.
its never been mentioned
cant say I wasn’t upset because I was, I’ve supported a lot of my colleagues “behind the scenes” with personal issues outside of work too

i never said a word to anyone

i am soon leaving as I have another job, I’ve known ages- plan - hand in notice which is 4 weeks the day I go off sick…

life is too short

That's absolutely awful behaviour and I'm so sorry that you and your colleagues were treated so disgracefully. Hopefully that wouldn't be allowed to happen today, but I'm sure that some of those dreadful attitudes still persist in some workplaces.

This is so hurtful.
I can't believe not one of them has mentioned it to you.
What a nasty bunch they are.

Even if it wasn't something you would have enjoyed the complete disregard for your feelings is disgusting.

I would struggle to say something without getting upset but I hope you do at least say something to your manager.

That is utter shit, I’m sorry this has happened to you. I think you have every right to feel upset!

Hope you screenshotted it so you can present it to HR on Monday. Along with any and all evidence of the different treatment you receive from him compared to the rest of your team. This is bullying.