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AIBU?

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Original poster

Team day out without me

275 replies

Ereerenownow · 10/05/2025 16:04

Have just seen on social media that my entire team have been taken out as a treat by our manager. He has taken them to a local seaside resort for ice creams and general fun. I haven't been invited and didn't know anything about it. I'm the only one not there. We were all in the office yesterday and not a single person mentioned it.

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 11/05/2025 21:23

AthWat · 11/05/2025 21:13

What do you think you'd get out of it?

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I would at least report to hr, there is unfair treatment here that should be looked at.

Toptotoe · 11/05/2025 21:32

Take screen shots and keep records. This seems like bullying and you may want to report it in the future. If you are not in. union then join one.

RedToothBrush · 11/05/2025 21:44

Technically this would be classed as bullying.

With that in mind, decide how you want to handle it.

Marmiv87 · 11/05/2025 21:46

this is a bit crap….

Do you know for certain that it was a team day organised by a manager as a treat?

or could it be colleauges having a day out (and not invited you)

both still a bit crap, but if it’s the latter there’s not much you can do x

SamDeanCas · 11/05/2025 21:47

AthWat · 11/05/2025 21:13

What do you think you'd get out of it?

Show quote history

Lots of things

there will be a formal record of the op’s complaint

that should kick off a formal investigation, if the company has an anti bullying policy that should be upheld

it could stop him doing it to other people

It might prompt the company into changing its policies etc

It also means that if it ever came to wrongful termination it will protect the ops rights if she needs to take legal action

GiveDogBone · 11/05/2025 21:48

You need to speak to a lawyer who is expert in employment law. They will probably advise you to keep a record of everything. You’re being bullied and discriminated against. HR won’t help you, they only exist to help the company. It’s only going to get worse.

Missj25 · 11/05/2025 21:49

Ereerenownow · 10/05/2025 16:04

Have just seen on social media that my entire team have been taken out as a treat by our manager. He has taken them to a local seaside resort for ice creams and general fun. I haven't been invited and didn't know anything about it. I'm the only one not there. We were all in the office yesterday and not a single person mentioned it.

WTF !!
Why ?????

2chocolateoranges · 11/05/2025 21:55

I’m a bit of a birch so would have commented on the post.

id have commented shame all the team weren’t invited!

just plain nasty leaving one person out.

tensmum1964 · 11/05/2025 21:58

BreadInCaptivity · 10/05/2025 16:10

This.

It’s awful behaviour and likely discrimination.

Take a screenshot and raise with HR.

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Definitely agree. Don't let your manager get away with this OP. It's not about wanting to be in a clique, this is about being treated equally. I can't imagine what possible reason your manager could give for excluding you that wouldn't end up with he/she being disciplined.

Mayana1 · 11/05/2025 21:59

Ereerenownow · 10/05/2025 16:16

Thanks for your messages. I don't think I'm well liked in work. It's a medium sized business but im not part of any clique and it is very cliquey. I'm quiet and people think they can say what they want to me. I've had issues with a couple of colleagues and the manager has always taken their side even when it's been proven that I didn't do anything wrong and they told lies about me. He does quite often ignore me and even when he does speak to me, he won't give me any eye contact. Even so, surely it's shit not to invite me or even mention it to me??

This is a matter for an HR, you should do mediation.

Shotokan101 · 11/05/2025 23:06

Report it to HR.......

Shotokan101 · 11/05/2025 23:08

Ereerenownow · 10/05/2025 16:16

Thanks for your messages. I don't think I'm well liked in work. It's a medium sized business but im not part of any clique and it is very cliquey. I'm quiet and people think they can say what they want to me. I've had issues with a couple of colleagues and the manager has always taken their side even when it's been proven that I didn't do anything wrong and they told lies about me. He does quite often ignore me and even when he does speak to me, he won't give me any eye contact. Even so, surely it's shit not to invite me or even mention it to me??

Sounds like you should get "Doormat" Tattooed on your forehead if you haven't already repirted this and those previous 8ncidents to HR.....

mommatoone · 11/05/2025 23:12

Shotokan101 · 11/05/2025 23:08

Sounds like you should get "Doormat" Tattooed on your forehead if you haven't already repirted this and those previous 8ncidents to HR.....

Show quote history

Helpful 🙄

Codlingmoths · 11/05/2025 23:27

EquinoxQueen · 10/05/2025 19:29

Dig your bullying policy out. This normally covers events in work and associated with work. Exclusion in this form is a matter for HR, although think hard if you want to raise a grievance (you would be entitled to). This is absolutely bullying through exclusion.

do not comment on social media, draft an email to HR today with screen shots, wait on it and decide if you want to send it on Monday.

that is one shit manager and the fact the rest of the team was complicit is also shit. Can you go back to your substantive post?

Do this. Say to hr I wasn’t invited and didn’t know this was on, I don’t know how many other events I’ve been excluded from but I feel humiliated and it is hard to turn up today knowing everyone knows our manager
is deliberately excluding me. I’ve always thought he didn’t like me but how can I keep performing at work when I’m being treated like this?

Codlingmoths · 11/05/2025 23:27

And do you have a union? I’d cc them on it.

Original poster
Ereerenownow · 12/05/2025 07:31

Thank you all for your messages, they are much appreciated. The platform was facebook, I'm friends wirh a couple of colleagirs on there and they were tagged in the post. I totally understand that colleagues can be friends and decide to go out together, but it still feels mean, especially since I think the boundaries between friendship and professionalism are sometimes blurred. Manager is especially close to the ones he aways takes sides with even when it's proved they're in the wrong. It does sometimes feel unsafe in a way as I feel his 'mates' can say and do as rgey please and he'll always have their backs. I'll continue to look for another job.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 12/05/2025 08:08

Ereerenownow · 12/05/2025 07:31

Thank you all for your messages, they are much appreciated. The platform was facebook, I'm friends wirh a couple of colleagirs on there and they were tagged in the post. I totally understand that colleagues can be friends and decide to go out together, but it still feels mean, especially since I think the boundaries between friendship and professionalism are sometimes blurred. Manager is especially close to the ones he aways takes sides with even when it's proved they're in the wrong. It does sometimes feel unsafe in a way as I feel his 'mates' can say and do as rgey please and he'll always have their backs. I'll continue to look for another job.

Op, your manager cannot take all of your colleagues out and say treating his team. Thats not social. Thats work. Legally it is defined as within the work realm. You have a solid grievance here.

Nominative · 12/05/2025 08:19

Are you going to raise a formal grievance, OP?

Trainingfairy · 12/05/2025 09:12

I feel for you @Ereerenownow - but don't get mad, get even.
Comments already made about bullying are correct. The ACAS website gives clear examples of bullying and it includes exclusion from team social events. So, what to do?

  1. Take screen shots of what you saw on social media
  2. Copy the ACAS link giving the examples of bullying at work
  3. Ask your manager for a meeting. Don't give them time to cover their back by knowing what it's about. If they want to know just say it's a work related concern.
  4. Bring everything with you to the meeting and also a notepad.
  5. At the meeting, say you wish to raise a grievance related to workplace bullying and proceed to provide the evidence.
  6. Make notes of their comments
  7. State that following this meeting and having made notes of their response, you will now be lodging a formal grievance with HR.
  8. You cannot make a claim for constructive dismissal if you have less than 2 years service but you can claim harassment, especially if you have other examples
  9. Once you've lodged your grievance, consider carefully the outcome you are seeking; stay or go? If stay, what would work for you eg move to another team? Leave? If so, obtain further advice about your rights before proceeding.
Good luck, you don't need to accept this so do take action to get it addressed.
Missj25 · 12/05/2025 09:33

Codlingmoths · 12/05/2025 08:08

Op, your manager cannot take all of your colleagues out and say treating his team. Thats not social. Thats work. Legally it is defined as within the work realm. You have a solid grievance here.

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PP is right..

What a horrible thing to do ..
I know your feelings are hurt OP & all the complaints you lodge with hr in the world won’t make a difference to that ..
Don’t get me wrong , I’d still be going further with it though cause what was done was very wrong.. He should not be left away with it .. That said
you don’t work in a nice environment though & he will always be the way he is , A Dick ! ..
I’d be getting out of there OP as soon as I had something else lined up , I’d be putting all my focus into changing jobs ..
Where you are is very bad for your self esteem
Good luck x

Louisiannadaisy · 12/05/2025 09:53

Speak to HR or your union it’s bullying.

Justwantedtosayrightnow · 12/05/2025 10:14

This is really not nice , I would try and find a new job if that's possible, for a fresh start , hopefully with more your kind of people!

HardyCrow · 12/05/2025 15:57

SunsetSinging · 10/05/2025 16:27

Whether you’re well liked or not doesn’t matter. You could be a total bloody nightmare and it still wouldn’t matter. They can’t just ostracise you, that’s bullying and you should definitely take it further. There are far more qualified people here who can tell you how - good luck.

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I agree. It could also be construed as constructive dismissal if the situation was so bad the op felt she had to leave.

SpidersAreShitheads · 12/05/2025 16:57

Ereerenownow · 12/05/2025 07:31

Thank you all for your messages, they are much appreciated. The platform was facebook, I'm friends wirh a couple of colleagirs on there and they were tagged in the post. I totally understand that colleagues can be friends and decide to go out together, but it still feels mean, especially since I think the boundaries between friendship and professionalism are sometimes blurred. Manager is especially close to the ones he aways takes sides with even when it's proved they're in the wrong. It does sometimes feel unsafe in a way as I feel his 'mates' can say and do as rgey please and he'll always have their backs. I'll continue to look for another job.

Colleagues can be friends, but even setting aside the very unlikely possibility that the manager was friends with everyone but you, he still said "having a great day out with my team". That is a direct link to the workplace and frames it firmly as a work-related activity, regardless of any friendships. If he'd said "great day out with friends from work" that might be different.

Definitely focus on the job search now, go all out to get something. But keep your screenshots of everything so you can decide whether you want to pursue constructive dismissal.

Were you at work today - was anything said?

Worryabouteverything · 13/05/2025 09:59

As he said 'all my team' it will be seen as bullying.
Please report to HR.

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