To worry about neighbour’s baby

[maloney123]

I’m not sure where to start, but I am really quite worried about my neighbours’ baby. The other side of our semidetached is rented, and approx six months ago a new family moved in. The walls are paper thin so we can hear pretty much everything that goes on. There’s a dad, mum and what sounds like a young baby. The dad comes and goes, he usually goes out very early in the car and doesn’t come back all day. There is another car but that never moves. We’ve seen the dad a couple of times, but have only ever seen the mum twice, going into the house. We’ve never seen the baby. The blinds are always drawn and the back door is never opened, even though there’s a big garden. I’m on maternity leave so am often home or in and out picking my older child up from nursery, I bump into other neighbours from time to time but I’ve never the mum or baby. I’m not saying I watch the house or anything like that, I just think it’s really strange that I’ve never bumped into her or even seen the baby at all. Am I overthinking this? For what it’s worth, they appear to be Muslim (only mentioning because some Muslim men have certain views towards women). I just worry that something is not right and no authorities are aware of the baby. Oh, nobody ever comes to the house either. I don’t even know what I could do really or who I could contact. I don’t hear any mistreatment or anything like that, I just feel really uncomfortable with the situation and the thought that I could do something but haven’t

Perhaps you could knock and ask f she’d like to pop round for a brew?

Do you hear the baby? Are you worried about the baby or the mum? I’d knock on the door with an excuse about something else to survey the lay of the land. If there is no answer, keep going until there is. If no one answers for a while. Report it.

I would knock and say hi

She's probably just depressed tbh, and maybe she could be from another country, and struggling with it all?

Knock and then if she doesn't answer, maybe pop some chocolates or a cake on the doorstep for her and say you'd like to make friends

When I had dd, I was so poorly, it was a struggle to leave the house. I appreciated kindness ❤️

Drip round with some food or a gift for the baby baby?

To add - I haven’t knocked so far because I have a really bad tendency to take on other people’s problems and I’ve been trying not to do it anymore, so have been trying to just ignore the situation. I’m worried about both but more so the bang for obvious reasons. Yes I hear it plenty, seems to be fine, I just can’t shake the feeling something is wrong

Some people are like that, I had a friend who barely left the house when her dc were young.

This is a lovely idea. I have the impression they are not English speaking but I could try

It’s not just the leaving the house tbf, it’s the blinds always being drawn, never being in the garden etc as well

I know this sounds callous but are you sure there's a baby? As in, you could've seen her pregnant but it ended in still birth? Have you actually seen them bring baby back from hospital etc?

So if they haven't registered with a GP I doubt the health visitors would know about them which are a good link especially to local children's centres, referrals, development etc

Do you know surname by any chance, having their address is one thing but without a name trying to find the child or mother on systems would be hard. Though if you really are concerned you could email your local HV service with the predicament (obviously they could not disclose anything to you but they might be able to contact other bodies to see if any concerns/knowledge of child?)

An odd way but if your concerned about language barrier you could always write a note and pop in the door

And try a few different languages on the note ?

Yeah I'm sure that'll be it, must be so hard for her

Especially if her man works all hours, she could be thousands of miles from family etc

I understand not wanting to take on others problems though, I used to be the same and not one person reciprocated - I've learned not to do it!

But who knows, this lady could be a future friend - you sound kind, and she may appreciate it xx

You sound very nice, but also I wouldn't assume too much. I'd knock on the door with a cake or something and have it ready to leave on the doorstep with a note if no answer. We all live differently and I am sure your gesture will be appreciated.

I don't think you should knock, it might be intrusive. I understand that you are concerned she is lonely.
If the babies are close in age, they'll bond in time.
When you do see her, give a friendly smile, wait for an occasion, Eids or similar to offer a friendly hand.

Are you sure the baby is hers? Could she be looking after a friend/family members baby every now and then?

I know you haven’t seen her outside, but it doesn’t mean she hasn’t been out. Perhaps she just prefers being indoors and comes out on occasion.

You may be completely right and there’s a problem, or you might have it completely wrong.

unfortunately I’m not sure how you would find out.

Thanks all, I feel reassured and calmer from your responses. I’ll try popping a note through with my number on and see if she gets in touch. I’m not really worried about her being lonely, I love my own time and space too! I worry that the baby doesn’t seem to have left the house in six or so months and to me it just feels iffy. But I’m most likely worrying about nothing - good to get some perspective

To possibly put your mind at ease, I had my DD 4 mths ago and she is EBF. My blinds are always only slightly open, to the point they look closed from the outside but they still let light in and I can see out from the inside.
I was only thinking today "the neighbours are going to think I'm just laying in bed all day and that's why the blinds always drawn". Really I am just trying to not give the neighbours, postman, amazon delivery driver etc more of an eye full than I have probably accidentally given them on occasion. Maybe its the same for her? Also before having DD I rarely left the house unless it was for work or if someone else was with me, I suffered terribly with anxiety and found leaving the house alone extremely hard, but the baby has turned that around for me, but perhaps she is suffering from PPD/PPA and is struggling with these things at the moment

Thank you and sorry you’ve struggled with MH, I have struggled with anxiety in the past too x

Our neighbours on both sides are like this but at least both the two partners work nights at a hospital and so often they are sleeping in the day. I rarely see them and seems really hard to me they have young families and have to work nights so regularly with little family or friends around. I think being in maternity leave does make you more hyper aware...yeah pop a note in but try not to let it worry you too much

My neighbours are Muslim and their blinds are always shut, it's so she doesn't have to wear her hijab as nobody can see in.

Yes, that’s actually a fair point.

I would just knock and say hi. Invite her round for a cuppa. If you get no reply, pop a note through the door.

Do you hear normal family life type noises from next door? Does the baby cry a lot? Have you tried saying hello and engaging the husband in a bit of neighbourly chat when he's arriving home?

This is unrealistic.

Back in the real world, most devout Muslims do not wish to mix or be intruded on (as it'll likely be seen ) by non Muslim people. I work with many Muslims and they'll openly admit that if they're devout, they'll mix at work but not outside of. Out western ways are not generally aligned to their beliefs and practices. I appreciate the candidness really. Better than bullshit.

It does make me roll my eyes when the first few posts just act like the cultural difference just doesn't exist. It shows naivete.

The most I'd do, is pop a card through the door congratulating her on her new baby and writing your name on it. Express she'd be a welcome visitor if she knocked on your door and leave it there. Don't be surprised if you don't hear back.

Once again, this shows staggering naiveté "oh yeh I'm so anti racist, I'd treat em like Cassie down the road and offer em a brew and a gossip and pack of biccies"

They're Muslim ! They're not going to accept food that they don't know is Halal !

We have to stop being simplistic about our multi cultural society and realise that some groups do not want cohesion, they wish to live their lives adhering to their culture. I'm not passing judgement on it by the way. I do think any attempt to start knocking at a Muslim families door who are clearly advertising they want privacy from the neighbours is not going to be welcome and seen as pushy and possibly even a violation. Different cultures do operate differently! The liberal left think they can fix it all by treating different cultured people like "oh just the same" . I think some of it is curtain twitchy too, and probably an attempt to be like "look at me and my new brown Muslim BFF". It won't work like that.

Pop a card through the letterbox. Offer a hand of friendship /communication and wait for her cue.

Also, unless you suspect any mistreatment , it just comes across like you're applying western values to their lifestyle and judging it accordingly.

It's laughable how everyone is tipping toeing around the elephant in the room of the cultural difference. You can't make people act like westerners just because they've moved to the UK and it's so naive to pretend otherwise!

Maybe reconsider the automatic outrage? I’m not suggesting the OP drop over a gelatine mould or pork casserole. Lots of standard biscuit assortments like McVities are halal. It’s not that complicated.