To worry about neighbour’s baby

[maloney123]

I’m not sure where to start, but I am really quite worried about my neighbours’ baby. The other side of our semidetached is rented, and approx six months ago a new family moved in. The walls are paper thin so we can hear pretty much everything that goes on. There’s a dad, mum and what sounds like a young baby. The dad comes and goes, he usually goes out very early in the car and doesn’t come back all day. There is another car but that never moves. We’ve seen the dad a couple of times, but have only ever seen the mum twice, going into the house. We’ve never seen the baby. The blinds are always drawn and the back door is never opened, even though there’s a big garden. I’m on maternity leave so am often home or in and out picking my older child up from nursery, I bump into other neighbours from time to time but I’ve never the mum or baby. I’m not saying I watch the house or anything like that, I just think it’s really strange that I’ve never bumped into her or even seen the baby at all. Am I overthinking this? For what it’s worth, they appear to be Muslim (only mentioning because some Muslim men have certain views towards women). I just worry that something is not right and no authorities are aware of the baby. Oh, nobody ever comes to the house either. I don’t even know what I could do really or who I could contact. I don’t hear any mistreatment or anything like that, I just feel really uncomfortable with the situation and the thought that I could do something but haven’t

Who is?

I know you think you're being nice, and you are in fact being nice. But you're being naive.

@SquashedMallow Can you accept that Muslims are all as different as atheists are from one another? And that it's entirely possible for a Muslim family to find themselves in an unwelcoming, hostile neighbourhood where no one wants to talk to them because they've already formed stereotyped views of them?
Can you accept that a practising Muslim might happily befriend a non-Muslim woman? Or do you deny people's lived experience because it doesn't correspond with what you have observed in your narrow sphere?

I had a Muslim friend who said none of the other mothers would speak to her at the school gate. They just looked her up and down and dismissed her. Eventually she removed her daughter from the school and home schooled her. Perhaps those same mothers are complaining that Muslims won't integrate!

You've assumed I have a 'narrow sphere.' my sphere isn't narrow.

I didn't make any assumptions about all Muslim people. You're making blanket sensationalist assumptions.

But, if you prefer, we can assume the OPs neighbour just has flu/PND/chilling with her baby and she should just rock up with a cuppa and a park invite and a box of (non halal?) chocolates.

Fine : if that feels better, I'm not going to argue. There's limited point.

(There is the option of acknowledging it may indeed be a cultural norm for the neighbour in question to live differently (as per some of op examples) and it's not such a reach to deduce aspects of those given examples are likely cultural. Denying realities helps neither person to understand one another.) But carry on, assume I'm a small minded bigoted racist ... (As per standard response)

if you can’t pop round, you could call 101 just to be on the safe side. Yes it’s a bit invasive but we can’t be too careful when it comes to babies surely?

I live in the UK but my family migrated here. It’s so so common in our culture to not go out with the baby for the first few months - and some NHS services (well at least the ones near me) are learning about cultural differences and are adopting services - so I know some teams go to see the mother if she can’t go out or doesn’t want to etc.

I think it’s abit weird for you to come to such “worrying” conclusions for your neighbour just because you haven’t seen them. I’m sure you sleep, clean the house and have moments where you are not by your window - so you probably missed them.

Knock on their door and say hello. It seems you are just as bored out of your skull as concerned. So make a new friend.

In empathise as I recently had a baby so understand how isolating it can be

You think in very black and white terms SquashedMallow, where culture is a binary and people can't find common ground.

I can't think of any culture where inviting a neighbour for tea is unacceptable 🤔

@SquashedMallow I’m definitely not Naive. I’ve worked directly with various vulnerable groups for most of my career including drug addicts that people generally would give a wide berth to and you find that people are people everywhere. There are 1.9 billion Muslims in the world from numerous ethnic and cultural backgrounds. They are not going to fit in a neat little box.

I didn't say they would ! I think it's naive to ignore the cultural difference and pretend it's something else like 'pnd' and report to HV. But ok, I'm wrong.

I'm off this thread. It's such a shame you cannot point out (non offensively) some common realties and acknowledge cultural differences that may be at play here (in all honest reality !) and that equates to : I'm a "black and white thinker. I've assumed all Muslims including ones born in the UK will behave in this manner " and have a "narrow sphere". Let's have it your way then. Let the op bulldoze in and see how it goes. I'm out !

As you said the walls are paper thin and you can hear everything, have you heard anything that alarms you?

And meanwhile on the Spanish Costa’s…and surrounding towns.

British bars, supermarkets, English speaking groups, urbanisations of only British people, only English spoken daily in shops, restaurants and bars. Moans about public services being provided in Spanish. ( and yet translators readily available in hospitals and many Spaniards speaking English).

My family lived in Spain. HUGE concerns expressed by the British owners, when a Spanish family bought a house on the mainly British owned urbanisation!

True! I’ve got a newborn and all day and night long I worry about the poor neighbours on either side being disturbed by a colicky newborn. Surely you’ve heard the baby frequently, OP? There’s a toddler next door too and I hear their tantrums. I don’t think the walls here are particularly paper thin though as you mentioned.

Well exactly!

I don't agree with that either but I am sure if Spanish neighbour asked them round for a coffee they would be delighted!

I haven’t read through all the thread but appreciate everyone’s input, even the incredibly rude responses 🤣 I always forget how unnecessarily hostile people can be on here. To clarify, I think they are Muslim as the occasion I saw the Mum she was wearing a hijab. In my experience it’s very normal to bump into your neighbours from time to time, we’ve lived here years and know pretty much all ours to see and say hello to, but from some of the responses I’m starting to see how there is a loneliness epidemic! I wasn’t aware of a lot of the cultural practices that have been highlighted, but I feel I understand the likely situation a lot more now. No offence was intended whatsoever, it’s an unfortunate truth that some Muslim cultures treat women differently to Western ones, there is nothing wrong with mentioning that. Had I not done, I wouldn’t have got the religious and cultural input I’ve received, which has been really helpful so thank you!

She may have depression, as others have suggested knock with some sort of excuse

Sorry - this is a hilarious reach, please get a grip

Not if the Spanish neighbour asked them in Spanish!

@maloney123op have you ever heard the baby crying etc ? Hungry babies are pretty loud and I’d your walls are that thin you’d hear it

It was a biscuit that was being suggested to be offered, not a leg of lamb.

Or a side of bacon 😆

Errm not sure about the “only mentioning because some muslim men have certain view towards women”
men from any backround have views towards women this is not an isolated muslim man issue. Seriously. You sound very judgemental and uneducated

I would be less offended if you had acknowledged that women around the world from a range of religious/non religious backgrounds are treated unfairly by men rather than saying that some ‘Muslim cultures’ treat women in a different way to Western culture. Have you considered that this woman may be a lady of leisure, able to stay at home and do as she wishes while the husband supports this by working long hours…. How does that compare to ‘westerner’ culture where we’re all working to make ends meet? I think you have some biases that could do with being explored :).

You do realise that Halal doesn't just apply to meat products, right?