DH embarrassing himself on local Facebook page

[GiraffePoster]

I’ve been alerted by several people who know me about posts my DH has made on our town’s local community page and underneath articles posted on the newspapers Facebook page.

These are varying level of inappropriate/offensive depending on your views on certain topics. Some are outright rude. Immigration, migrant hotels etc

He appears to have only just started doing this in the past couple of weeks. I’ve confronted him and he has admitted it and basically said he’s just having a laugh and winding people up who take things too seriously.

I have asked him to stop this as it is embarrassing for me and we also have young DC who people will know.

He has said it’s his social media and I can’t control this, and that Facebook will delete his account if they feel what he’s posting is wrong, and they haven’t taken anything down.

Am I being controlling to suggest he should delete his account? The damage is done to an extent, but I want to save further embarrassment.

Ouch, I’m cringing 😬

This is true - but once I knew, I'd never have them in the house. I've absolutely ditched quotes from tradesman and refused to buy from salesmen who seem sexist or dodgy in person so SM is just an additional source of information.

I was in a black cab years ago and the driver started making racist remarks. I politely asked him to stop and cut the journey short. I didn’t confront him; I wonder if he even knew. I was just not comfortable giving him any more of my money.

He can post what he wants, but I wouldn’t stay around to be associated with him.

I had a kitchen fitter booked to come and give me a quote but told him not to come after I saw some of his views on FB.
I won't have racists in my house. Of course it could be said that I probably have and don't know but once I do know its not happening

He sounds thick, ignorant and unpleasant. I presume he's always had views like this, even if he didn't post them on FB. How can you stand to be married to such a knuckle-dragger?

So your husband is - at best - a troll, at worst a racist. You poor thing. Don’t listen for one minute to him saying “he’s just having a laugh and winding people up who take things too seriously”, that’s just a flimsy excuse because he knows you won’t accept it if he just says “yeah I like being nasty about women and immigrants online”.

Maybe @KnittyNell is OP’s husband.

There was a decorator I would never use again on the basis of remarks he made in my house.

Recruiters do in a huge way I believe.
It is the job of junior recruiters to thoroughly investigate the SM of every candidate they put forward.
Hence why I told my children keep your SM on very tight lockdown.

I dumped a hairdresser because she started up with "They come over 'ere..." etc etc when I was sitting helpless in the chair.

This would be a massive turn off for me , thankfully my husband and I are very aligned when it comes to views on immigration but if not I would absolutely ask him to stop and explain he looks like a grade A cock. This has spiked around the recent local election and it seems like he has got carried away but mud sticks. Remind him that employers and family can see his social media easily too - not a good look

He'll be out of a job if it's reported to his employer.

Most people know that racist and mysogynistic comments aren't funny. These are being read by your friends, family, neighbours. Your children's teachers. If I was your neighbour I'd be ignoring your husband, also you, because I'd assume if he's a racist, so are you.

This would be the end of the relationship for me. I would not want to be associated with, or spend time with, a racist. It's obviously not new though, you don't suddenly become a bigot.

How embarrassing for your children.

Why are you making this about you? And yes it is controlling

Sure people will dress it up how they want because women are never thought of as controlling on here there is always some other excuse

But if that is who he really is then you dont have to stay with him but if a man tried to tell a woman what to do on here all hell would break loose

What we're the remarks? I can't imagine someone coming in to your home and saying I hate immigrants or such like. I don't know how that conversation would come up when he's getting his paintbrush out.

So, not just a racist but misogynistic too. How utterly embarrassing for you.

I wouldn’t want to be seen dead or alive with him. Not sure I’d have anything to say to him, ever again.

You can NEVER get rid of your digital footprint. He might delete it but that doesn’t mean it’s gone or won’t resurface. This could bite him in the bum in decades to come. If any of his clients see it he could very easily start losing contracts.

I think you should reply ' oh yes that's my husband making dickhead comments'.

When that gets back to him, just say its your opinion and he can't control this, however he could divorce you but he hasn't done this yet. If he gets annoyed just say I'm just having a laugh and he is taking it too seriously.

Ask him to explain to you why "winding up people" he doesn't know is more important to him than his wife and children. Don't let him get away with a vague nonsensical answer. Keep pressing him.

I would absolutely have a row about this. You and your DC deserve to be treated with respect.

He's doing a great impression of a racist then. 🤨

I can assure you there are people who will bring racism into any conversation at the drop o a hat, If you get to know them you wait for it, hoping to be wrong of course, that this time will be different, but five minutes and they are in. My late husband had an uncle like that. I know a lot of people do have embarrassng uncles but he took the biscuit.

It doesn't surprise me at all that a decorato does it.

Well personally I prefer people like your dh to be easy to find on sm so that I know to avoid them.
I had a lovely colleague who didn’t do sm at all but her dh did. After she had her first dc a mutual friend said I could see some baby pics if I looked on the dh’s fb page.
There were some beautiful pics. There were also the most racist comments I’d ever seen.
After a few years the comments stopped so I think the dh was probably advised to be more careful, I don’t believe for one minute he’s any less racist.

Facebook rarely deletes people’s accounts. They won’t even delete a fake account made about a family member to bully and slag them off. So he’s wrong about that.

And yes I can see why you’re upset. He’s being publicly offensive and your family’s reputation is being ruined due to it. I doubt he’d shout his opinions in the street or pub. So he’s just a disgusting little Facebook gammon.

He talked a lot. I'm not going to go into it on here but it wasnt far off what you said. I had to let him finish the job as he was half way through but made sure not to be in the same room as him. I would not use him again or recommend him.

He's one of those, got a few people similar to him on my local page usually older, white and male spouting off their racist nonsense and trying to cover it up as 'banter' I can guarantee they're going to come out with 'boat people' or if there's an article about housing to "just arrive here on a dingy and they'll put you in a 5 star hotel", I block them because I'm sick of seeing it on all the local pages, the worst one was I saw an article about a local missing child who happens to be Muslim and the comments on that made me feel sick, anyway OP I couldn't be with someone like that knowing how uneducated they are, he's making himself look like an idiot so you are right to be embarrassed by him