DH embarrassing himself on local Facebook page

[GiraffePoster]

I’ve been alerted by several people who know me about posts my DH has made on our town’s local community page and underneath articles posted on the newspapers Facebook page.

These are varying level of inappropriate/offensive depending on your views on certain topics. Some are outright rude. Immigration, migrant hotels etc

He appears to have only just started doing this in the past couple of weeks. I’ve confronted him and he has admitted it and basically said he’s just having a laugh and winding people up who take things too seriously.

I have asked him to stop this as it is embarrassing for me and we also have young DC who people will know.

He has said it’s his social media and I can’t control this, and that Facebook will delete his account if they feel what he’s posting is wrong, and they haven’t taken anything down.

Am I being controlling to suggest he should delete his account? The damage is done to an extent, but I want to save further embarrassment.

Er.......that's definitely racist.....and foolish.

One of the reasons Reform have been successful is because now it is seen as ok to be racist when talking about immigration. I’ve seen good comments raising concerns about levels of immigration, which are not in the least bit racist. None of them come from Reform voters.

Sexist AND racist?! So he's multi-talented. Brilliant.

we Have a few people on the local page who can turn absolutely any post into something about immigrants or trans issues- not hard to see that many are the barrel scrapers Farage relies on who really aren’t interested in the wider world- just these topics- it’s very boring OP and I would seriously have words

I think you should ltb tbh, he sounds racist x

Yes, I used to date one of these. Everything he said was a dog whistle, pitched just a bit too high for anyone to be able to directly call him out on his racism/sexism. The world owed him infinite chances, the benefit of the doubt plus free gifts just for being born in a certain country and of a certain culture and no one could convince him otherwise, even if he never openly admitted that he expected special treatment. It was literally never said, but so many hints about "newcomers" always phrased as 'jokes' and he never once said he actually felt the opposite way in more serious moments, even when asked; he changed the subject if he was pressed. I don't know if your DH has a better side OP or other reasons for sticking with him, but I will never be with one of these types again, personally. It's sheer laziness; they expect to be handed things on a plate simply for being in the right gang. Even the fact that he expects to get away with racism is entitled.

I would not want a misogynistic racist in my home.

These are two things which often enjoy each others company in my experience.

It is a bit pathetic as pretty much the only rule on here is that you dont troll hunt. Report it if you think it's made up, no need to let everyone know you don't believe it

Sorry, I don't think people get on SM and 'pretend' to be racist and sexist. I think he's aging and becoming more conservative and his true feelings are coming out. It's embarrassing other people have felt the need to point it out to you.

I know an older man who now says (mildly) racist stuff, writes to newspapers and bothers politicians about very minor issues. His wife tells him to pull it back but does put up with it. I suppose the other option would be to leave a 50-year marriage because he is who he is.

I don't agree that it's pathetic to make a comment such as my original one but you're right in that the best thing to do is report and move on.

Awful.
Of course parents of children will back away from him and you by association...unless they share his views of course.
He sounds like an immature twat.
How unattractive and Ickish.

Your DH is obviously enjoying himself and getting carried away and expressing himself badly. He's clearly become more political and has concerns about immigration, but the way he's expressing it is clearly perceived as racist by many. It is worth pointing that out to him, maybe show him some of the messages here. He has also made a half-arsed attempt to be anonymous and if he wants to continue trolling, maybe encourage him to up his game and go fully anonymous. He could set up a new email address and link that to his FB and other social accounts.

I can believe this.

We have one of these tit-heads on our local FB pages. pops up on nearly every post with a knobhead comment. Initially people just ignored him but a few started pulling him up for being a total bell end and now he just gets absolutely roasted 😂

But unfortunately it's made him double down and he seems to like his notoriety. I bet this happens with your DH.

No idea how you tackle it but he really should stop.

This! My recent employer did a VERY thorough social media check and even found some posts I made 15 years ago (nothing racist at all but I posted just a short sentence about hating my then job 😬). Any big employers do social media checks nowadays

Forget labelling or classifying his speech. It’s just rude and unpleasant.

And it doesn’t matter where he’s being rude, the fact is he’s being rude in public in your community, and people will judge you and your children for it.

If he was coming to church and making these rude comments to people in the congregation it would be the same argument.

Online is offline and offline is online. No difference but same harm.

Next time he does it you should reply to his comment with some thing like 'FFS you told me you only comment for reaction, grow up idiot' and see if that gets through to him.

Make clear you won’t put up with him embarrassing you and the kids with his racist comments and the one about the recently widowed lady…awful!

you need to decide your boundaries but I wouldn’t be with someone who did this. You will be presumed to have the same views.

also he may be self employed but I wouldn’t hire him, I check the e Facebook of traders I use

Oh God, I know someone who used to do this 🙄. He is a bit of a weird one who claims to be ultra left wing and just on things like the daily express forums (where he expresses some pretty problematic and right leaning/anti immigration type views) "to mess with [troll] right wingers". I don't know what people get out of doing this, but it is definitely a bit unhealthy and extremely off putting. I did tell him he was an Internet troll and he needed a better hobby

Much of the thread is goady dog-whistles. "But wheeeeerrrrreee does it say the OP's H is being racist?".

100% this

LTB

It doesn’t matter if you think it's racist or tie yourself in knots to define it some other way. The OP doesn't like it and it would certainly be a deal breaker for me. I couldn't live with someone who made that kind of comment.

Well, it appears that at best you’re married to a tedious wide-up merchant with too much time on his hands. At worst, you’re married to an absolute moron, and possible closet racist.

So what would you do before social media? Give people a grilling before they come in about their views? You just wouldn't know and wouldn't care, you'd care about the quality of the job and the price.