DH embarrassing himself on local Facebook page

[GiraffePoster]

I’ve been alerted by several people who know me about posts my DH has made on our town’s local community page and underneath articles posted on the newspapers Facebook page.

These are varying level of inappropriate/offensive depending on your views on certain topics. Some are outright rude. Immigration, migrant hotels etc

He appears to have only just started doing this in the past couple of weeks. I’ve confronted him and he has admitted it and basically said he’s just having a laugh and winding people up who take things too seriously.

I have asked him to stop this as it is embarrassing for me and we also have young DC who people will know.

He has said it’s his social media and I can’t control this, and that Facebook will delete his account if they feel what he’s posting is wrong, and they haven’t taken anything down.

Am I being controlling to suggest he should delete his account? The damage is done to an extent, but I want to save further embarrassment.

He's not just embarrassing himself though, he's embarrassing his wife and kids. I honestly couldn't bear to be with someone who did this, and his response to you is equally immature. Is it completely out of character or is he generally like an offensive 13 year old? Is this a deal breaker?

Your digital foot print is much more permanent and traceable than you think. This could affect you/your kids and wider family in the future. Keep challenging him to remove it/stop. Or join a proper anonymous forum like this one!

He sounds like a prat in my local FB page. Prattles on about new arrivals even though we know all the properties being bought around here are by private developers building luxury townhouses etc.
Everyone thinks he's an ass, but he seems to enjoy being so.

Freedom of speech means not going to prison for stating your opinion, not being free from all social consequences of saying nasty hateful things (like people thinking you're a dick, your wife being embarrassed by you, people not wanting their children to befriend your children at school).

I don't actually think 'winding people up' makes it any better. It's not just winding people up, is it? It's being horrible, purposely upsetting people and making minorities feel less safe. Racist comments breed racist comments and normalise it. It's the kind of thing people scroll through with a knot in their stomach and go to bed a tiny bit more worried than the night before about the safety of them and their children and how welcome they are in the place they live.

I am quite alarmed by people who enjoy causing upset to others for no reason. At least the racists actually believe what they say and believe that what they wish for would genuinely improve things for them and their families. He doesn't even have that. He just wants to cause others to be less happy. Genuinely, gun to my head, I'd pick the racist.

Some of his clients may well drop him if they get to find out about this.

I'd be so embarrassed if DH did something like this.

Lovely. Words matter. Especially on a public forum. Every time he posts something inflammatory like that he is normalising and encouraging racism irrespective of whether he himself holds racist views or not. Some people (like me and my kids) are directly affected by racism so I don't think it's very funny.

That one is personal. Get him to take it down. If he won’t - you’ve got another decision to make

I mean, surely if he’s self employed, this is a really good reason not to do this. Everyone knows the racist knobheads on the town Facebook group. If someone recommended a guy to me to do a job, I would definitely recognise the name and put two and two together, and go with someone else.

That said, it’s not even about it being on Facebook. I couldn’t be married to someone who was this much of a raging knobhead, end of. He sounds 14.

Have you told him how incredibly unattractive this makes him?

Yes that’s hilarious😳

and racist.

He's either racist or he's not racist, and the problem with posts like his is that it gives licence to actual outspoken racists. I can't imagine why anyone who isn't racist would want to do that?

Thank you. That's totally how I feel, including going to bed a bit more worried than the night before after reading yet again another remark like that.

Your husband is an ignorant oaf.

Well, that would be making an assumption that anyone moving into new homes in the area is coming from outside the UK, and is undesirable. People can judge from that what you're conveying about the area you live in, and about yourself.

He is causing reputational damage to you and your children.

His rude, adversarial and possibly racist posts on social media will directly impact your reputations locally.

Just as it would if he was saying the same things through a loudspeaker in the town square.

He has to take this seriously and stop it. If he can’t or won’t, suggest you consider your marriage. It could get even worse.

The social media is not the main issue here. You are married to someone who has offensive views that do not align with your own. That is what I would be running a mile away from. Hideously unattractive.

Just generally nasty then.

No you can't tell him what to think or say, you can only control your response.

If I saw comments like this on a local FB group and I needed whatever service your SE husband provides I would sure as Hell not ask him to do the work
As a SE person (I am too) you have to be extra careful as these things can affect your Business

Were you under duress or consust when you married this man?

This is who he is but it's almost like you are OK with his attitudes, immaturity and bigotry once others aren't aware of it.

He's either a racist arsehole, or someone pretending to be a racist arsehole to upset people. Let him read this thread.

So he's an ignorant racist then. Your kids have got more problems than him embarrassing them on social media.

Are you linked on Facebook? I would be unlinking changing my surname and my marital status basically signalling to everyone he is fuck all to do with me

Don’t see the issue with the things he’s posting tbh, distasteful at best

So you asked him, he said he can do what he wants.

It’s not just your H who thinks they are god’s gift and can judge women by appearance, or think they are intelligent by telling it like it is regarding immigration and other such complex issues. It’s a huge laugh to many.

So what are you going to do now OP? There is no magic bullet to get him to stop, in fact with the seemingly rise of the popularity of Reform it will get worse and become more emboldened and extreme.

Is he an equal partner at home?

Does he think you need to do all the domestic work, childcare and pay your way?
You could try and getting to stop by effectively withdrawing female labour, domestic and sexual, if he thinks so little of women, see how far he gets without them?