Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Honestly after your second update it does sound a bit like you're trying to make a point you want to be different to them. Which probably does make you come across as awkward and maybe you do this often?

I wouldn't ever agree to try something if i didn't know what it was. I am open to trying new things but i want a second option in case i don't like it, could she not have her own meal and try a bite of her husbands? That's what we've done a few times if he orders something i have never had.

My DH family can be a bit like this - clannish, we all must like the same things. Stand your ground and just say to your DH ‘why does my wanting a different drink or meal upset you so much?’
Just ask the question and him even attempting to answer it will sound childish and idiotic.

This might be the last holiday with them though.

Well if they consider it’s an enormous inconvenience to let you choose what you eat or drink then I suppose it is attention seeking. My question would be how little attention were they really thinking was your lot if this is too much effort for them? Your Dh sounds weird. Why doesn’t he want his wife to have what she wants?

Im doing it now?? How??

Some people - some families especially - are crackers about all being the same. It actively makes me want to do my own thing, which isn't seeking attention because I don't want any attention for it, I just don't want to feel trapped into doing everything the same. It's weird and suffocating. Ignore them OP, and tell your DH to back off trying to control what you do. Him calling it attention-seeking is just trying to make you feel shitty and fall in line. It's your holiday. Enjoy it.

I think I could see this happening if it was something like this.

Say you go to Paris and everyone wants a famous viennoiserie from a fancy boulangerie. But at the last minute you order an egg dish.

There is nothing wrong with ordering eggs, it just changes the vibe from what was planned in advance and agreed.

I think in larger groups sometimes you do have to go with the flow from time to time. They should have not been rude though, and should have just accepted it in good grace.

At the end of the day it is breakfast and sounds like much ado about nothing.

It's definitely not attention seeking and it was really rude of them all to gang up on you. They obviously took it personally that you didn't try the very special breakfast item. I assume that if you had tried it and hadn't said how wonderful it was or even said that you didn't like it, they would have reacted in the same way.

What is your relationship with your in-laws normally like? Do you enjoy going on holiday with them?

How odd.

Wondering if OP has in the past, hence the DH’s comms

Yes, they're either completely batshit (possible) OR the OP has form for always doing something different, just to go against the grain. My sister is like this and anyone looking on would see our eye rolls and think we were being mean, but it's every single time. She always has to be different, but she would never admit that's what she's doing.

Back when it was ok food and vaguely trendy, we all arranged a trip to nandos. She sat pulling a face at the menu. Oh. It's all chicken. I don't like chicken. Can we go somewhere else? I can't eat anything here. Like ffs, as if you didn't know Nandos is a chicken place, and they do a bit of other stuff so suck it up. The worst part is she DOES like chicken!

by starting a mumsnet thread about it. For attention.

Do you have to go on holiday with your ILS?

Feels to me that they don't see you as a team player - the excursion was all about the special mystery item - they'd talked about it for ages and you opted out. The restaurant should have informed you that your item would come out 15mins later but given they didn't - that made things even worse, with the option of no one eating for 15mins whilst your food was being delivered to the table or them all waiting for you to finishing eating - so the whole event that was supposed to be about the mystery item became about you - hence his attention seeking comment. I don't see this as bad if it was an isolated event but if you tend to goit alone during group activities I can see how it can rub for the rest of the group. It might feel like you are making some kind of point - that you don't wish to be part of their group - that you'll do things your way - which is fine, but maybe don't choose to go on holidays with a group if you like to behave like an outsider. On the other hand if you dont' normally behave like this - your dh is being a dick.

@PooStep YANBU and anyone who thinks you are is . Just because an establishment the same as for a dish doesn’t mean that you have to get that dish you can choose whatever you want to eat. I choose what I want to eat based on how I feel. I’m a very mood based eater as I think a lot of people . There’s nothing wrong with what you did your DH and his family are ridiculous and very rude. It has no bearing on them whether you choose to have the pineapple drink or choose to have the Churro, they have issues!! to be honest they’re the ones that sounds very high maintenance.

That’s what I would have done too - not agree to something I really didn’t fancy then contradict FiL when he went to place the order.

Much of the site is people asking similar questions for perspectives on what they've experienced. It's only attention seeking if you think conversations are. Bit crap to come on here reading and contributing to threads while disdaining the OPs for offering them up.

I think it depends if you do it all the time. It can be really annoying tbh. If I say I’m popping down to the coffee shop and does anyone want a coffee, and someone says they want some elaborate ice fruit smoothie thing and a toastie then it’s a pain in the arse - the coffees are getting cold while I stand around waiting for bloody ages for them to blend the smoothie and toast the toastie. If I say does anyone want a coffee and 5 people say cappuccino and one person says latte it makes not a blind bit of difference to me. You sound like you might be more the former than the latter…

Well then, arguably, you're posting a reply for attention...

Well that is being annoying for the sake of it. You knew what you were doing OP, I’d try and be easier over the next couple of days.

If OP is guilty of attention seeking by posting on here, then so are you with your rude comment.

The OP has said it was along the lines of the cinnamon buns/full English example. I can see why that would be irritating tbh. If she'd asked for a different pastry for example I doubt anyone would have batted an eyelid.

I find it really weird that your DH thinks it's attention seeking to order something different. I wonder if PILs are socially anxious and this was drummed into him throughout childhood.

I think it would’ve been the right move to have the same breakfast, especially as it is clearly a tradition for them so your refusal to have it was a bit of a slur tbh. Holidays with a group can be challenging and compromise is essential at times! It wouldn’t have hurt to go with the flow on this occasion, you could’ve checked out the menu whilst there for next time.
Hope the rest of the holiday goes well! 🤞

15 minutes difference in serving up the items is a ridiculously long time to wait! But if you had a 'normal' relationship with the ILs one of them would have said 'Do you mind if we eat ours while they're hot' or you would have said 'You eat yours, don't wait for me'. It sounds awkward all round.
Why didn't you grab a menu before FIL ordered?
DH's comment sounds like he thinks you do this often. Maybe you do without realising it. Agree you should be able to order what you like but would it have hurt you to go with the flow? Especially on the first morning. Hope it hasn't set the atmosphere for the whole holiday.