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AIBU?

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Original poster

Apparently I’m attention seeking

1000 replies

PooStep · 08/05/2025 08:17

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Buttercupflowers · 08/05/2025 08:46

Unbeleevable · 08/05/2025 08:42

wow that’s harsh. How does SIL’s DH behave, does he just go along with the family’s plans? I suspect a matriarchal MIL/FIL and effectively you are there on sufferance at their pleasure. You are a minor part of the family, not an equal member, and expected to “behave”.

I don’t like it.

I agree, it's tantamount to bullying.

And no, you aren't "attention seeking".

TheAmusedQuail · 08/05/2025 08:47

You should tell him that you're happy to be out of the spotlight but that as an adult you still get to make your own choices. And then I'd ask him if he was going to be unpleasant for the whole holiday and to wind his neck in.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/05/2025 08:47

lalaloopyhead · 08/05/2025 08:46

Ok, so firstly we clearly all need to know what this wonderous breakfast item was that they were all so invested in!

You didn't do anything wrong though that I can see OP.

Very odd that yours was served 15 minutes later though, even if you had something different I would still expect all meals to be bought out at the same time.

Even if this was a bakery with famous pistachio croissants and op ordered an elaborate cooked dish?

SelinaPlace · 08/05/2025 08:50

EilishMcCandlish · 08/05/2025 08:46

“don’t start this now for gods sake”

This, plus the eye rolling, says you have form for being difficult and contrary. They knew you were going to be awkward. You were happy to have the MBI up until you walked into the place.

Of course you can change your mind, but considering that for whatever reason, this shared experience of the MBI was important to your ILs, it would probably have been more tactful to have gone with the flow on this occasion. And then tomorrow said that you would rather have something different.

It might mean that. Or it might mean that her DH is a repressive, critical pig who would like his wife to fall into line with his Borg Hive Mind family?

Octavia64 · 08/05/2025 08:50

Not attention seeking.

however, given that they’d gone on and on about how good the mystery breakfast item was they were clearly expecting you to try it.

it’s not rude or attention seeking not to but it does suggest a certain unawareness of social norms.

a bit like if your friend has been raving about a curry place and you finally go together and she wants you to try the curry because it’s amazing and you order chips because you don’t feel like curry. Your friend is going to feel like you didn’t get the point of the outing.

Longtoe · 08/05/2025 08:50

Another happy mumsnet family holiday

NDlife · 08/05/2025 08:50

This was the first day. You had the rest of holiday to try something different.

Especially after you'd also said you'd have the same, you'd have been better off going along with the food and then suggesting going back another time so you could try something different.

Nolongera · 08/05/2025 08:51

I would love to hear the other side of this story.

I would also like to know what the specific item was.

I have known people who will always go along with the flow then when they realise they can make it all about them, they do so.

When you have history for this, people get pissed off.

Tdp123 · 08/05/2025 08:51

Churros?

SelinaPlace · 08/05/2025 08:51

Floatlikeafeather2 · 08/05/2025 08:44

I think the fact that their reaction to you asking for the menu was instantaneous shows that you are already known for this sort of behaviour. It was extremely bad manners of you to say you wanted whatever it was then immediately contradict your father in law when he ordered. That does look like attention seeking. I used to do this sort of thing in my mid to late teens. I just didn't want to be one of the crowd, or at least not be seen to be like everyone else. I had to be different and I now see that that was seeking attention. Luckily, I grew out of it by my early 20s and have been happy being me quietly over the last 50 odd years.

Look, if you would let someone else order a dish you didn’t want for you because you think it would be ‘bad manners’ to order for yourself something you actually wanted to eat, that’s really on you.

Ratisshortforratthew · 08/05/2025 08:52

I’m absolutely agog that anyone here says they can see where the in-laws are coming from. OP did absolutely nothing wrong - what’s more, changing your mind about what to order, asking to look at a menu and food coming at different times are absolutely normal things to happen in a cafe or restaurant. I don’t think they were wrong to start eating theirs before hers arrived but the rest of this story is batshit.

I can’t believe they (or anyone here saying they see the ILs POV) would even notice, let alone care if someone had the absolute temerity to… exercise their free will in a restaurant. It’s a casual outing for a breakfast not a military drill ffs.

AnnaMagnani · 08/05/2025 08:52

Attention seeking- No.

But I think you didn't understand the event.

They were looking forward to a shared experience of the whole family eating exotic mystery breakfast item together.

You missed this message and went off and did your own thing. Accidentally communicating that you thought their idea was shit.

It also sounds like you have done this before.

As you are stuck on the holiday I'd suggest going with the flow. And back home considering if this sort of family holiday is something you want to do again.

Buttercupflowers · 08/05/2025 08:53

Please, please, let us know what this mystery item is before I have to go to work.....🤔

ToadRage · 08/05/2025 08:53

What horrible people? I am fussy eater but have never been accused of attention seeking for it. Isn't half the fun of going to a restaurant that everyone has different things. I wouldn't mind a recommendation but i want to choose my own food. Sack off the family and go enjoy your own holiday.

Cucy · 08/05/2025 08:54

Did you really expect them to wait until your food has arrived until they could eat theirs?

It does sound like you have form for attention seeking.

You ordered something different - absolutely fine.
But then you tried to find a different issue instead with them eating before you.

I imagine that if all the food came out at the same time, you would have found a different issue.

On the face of it this one example seems minor but it’s obviously something you have form for and so perhaps you should make a conscious effort to recognise it.

I do need to know what this wonderful dish is though.

Scousemousey · 08/05/2025 08:54

I hope you're only away for a week, OP.
Your DH's family sound like a nightmare, good luck.

Naunet · 08/05/2025 08:54

NeverKnowinglyUnderstated · 08/05/2025 08:20

I feel there's more to this..... do you have a history of being difficult as why else would your husband say that?
Would it have really hurt to have gone along with everyone else?

Did it really hurt them that she ate something different to them for breakfast?! Bonkers.

Scousemousey · 08/05/2025 08:55

I'll bet it was Churros, can't say I blame you for wanting something else.

BillStickersWillBeProsocuted · 08/05/2025 08:56

Taken as an event in isolation you did nothing wrong and they acted really strangely

but the fact they acted so strongly to such a minor thing makes me think there must be some kind of back story here...

And I'm also wondering what the MBI is!

SelinaPlace · 08/05/2025 08:56

AnnaMagnani · 08/05/2025 08:52

Attention seeking- No.

But I think you didn't understand the event.

They were looking forward to a shared experience of the whole family eating exotic mystery breakfast item together.

You missed this message and went off and did your own thing. Accidentally communicating that you thought their idea was shit.

It also sounds like you have done this before.

As you are stuck on the holiday I'd suggest going with the flow. And back home considering if this sort of family holiday is something you want to do again.

Surely their sense of occasion can’t be so fragile that one person opting out of the mystery dish for something she likes better isn’t going to crush their spirits? Give that five people, including her own DH, ordered the mystery dish, the OP had ample chance to taste it, and declare it insanely good, and that she would definitely order it another time.

MattCauthon · 08/05/2025 08:56

OneForTheRoadThen · 08/05/2025 08:27

It sounds like, rightly or wrongly, they saw this shared breakfast as an activity for you all to do together and share the experience and you didn’t see it like that, after all it’s only a breakfast item! They’ve taken your failure to join in as something more than it was and you didn’t realise the importance they placed on this breakfast item.

it’s no big deal but I think I’d have gone along with them because why not, it’s only one breakfast and it’s something they were excited to share together.

This. I don't think you were unreasonable at all, but it sounds like this was a communal shared thing for them and, of course, in a restaurant you can order whatever you like but they were treating it more like an at home thing, "ooh, Aunty Mary is making her famous butterbean cake, we are all going over for a slice. You must try it, it'd amazing" and you agree but then on arrival say you don't fancy it.

BeeCucumber · 08/05/2025 08:56

Yes - you were being awkward. You agreed to the breakfast plans and then changed your mind and this lead to everyone else at the table feeling annoyed. I’m assuming you have done this before - hence the eye rolling.

fgwcam · 08/05/2025 08:57

Tdp123 · 08/05/2025 08:51

Churros?

I think churros too. I had them last month in Madrid. The vast majority of people were in the cafe to eat churros. They were served within a couple of minutes of ordering. If you'd ordered something else it would have taken longer to come because most people were going there just for the churros and the system was set up to serve as many churros as possible as fast as possible.

OP, I think the way DH and family have behaved to you was very unkind but on the other hand I can see why it might have been a bit of a problem when you suddenly decided to order something else which would take a lot longer to make and then they'd have to wait for yours to arrive and you to finish eating before they could get on with the rest of the day.

I hope the rest of the holiday is better because if you are in Spain and they start going out for tapas every night I can imagine them laying down the law about what you can order too.

Butchyrestingface · 08/05/2025 08:57

ToadRage · 08/05/2025 08:53

What horrible people? I am fussy eater but have never been accused of attention seeking for it. Isn't half the fun of going to a restaurant that everyone has different things. I wouldn't mind a recommendation but i want to choose my own food. Sack off the family and go enjoy your own holiday.

I’m a fussy eater too but this OP agreed beforehand to try the recommended dish. I probably wouldn’t have done that if it was something I didn’t fancy. Would you?

She appears to be saying she only agreed to it because she thought this was the only item the restaurant served. Is it likely a restaurant would serve only ONE breakfast dish?

Ratisshortforratthew · 08/05/2025 08:58

Octavia64 · 08/05/2025 08:50

Not attention seeking.

however, given that they’d gone on and on about how good the mystery breakfast item was they were clearly expecting you to try it.

it’s not rude or attention seeking not to but it does suggest a certain unawareness of social norms.

a bit like if your friend has been raving about a curry place and you finally go together and she wants you to try the curry because it’s amazing and you order chips because you don’t feel like curry. Your friend is going to feel like you didn’t get the point of the outing.

What 😂😂😂😂 there really shouldn’t be this many mental gymnastics involved in going out for food. If someone said “there’s this amazing curry place, I’m desperate to try their biryani” the only thing I’d think was that THEY wanted to eat the biryani. Not that they assumed I’d eat it too. If looking at a menu and choosing something different would be rude in your world I must live on a different planet

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