Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Agree!
Well OP should know now to end this madness and find a partner with a backbone and fa,ily who aren’t a bunch on narcissists

oo its 1:50
maybe OP can come back to mumsnet once the 2pm lockdown starts

I agree with this. Sometimes you are wanting to share an experience with someone. It’s one normal way of creating bonds. Fair enough if there’s something op really doesn’t want to try ( I couldn’t crunch ortolan); but it just seems as if she is often sticking a spanner in the plans with her wet hair or her quick coffee or her hesitancy about pineapple and so on. The comments she has reported ( and that’s without us even hearing the IL’s side) make it quite clear to me this is not a one-off aversion to the agreed plans.

Exactly. Control freaks!

After reading all of OPs updates, yes, it seems to be annoying, contrarian, and attention seeking behaviour. Wanting to do your own thing is great most of the time, but in a group setting sometimes we go with the majority especially if they are excited about everyone trying it as a shared experience. You seem to always want to be "that one". Your husband's comment seems to indicate you have a pattern of behaving that way, as we assume he knows you better than a bunch of strangers on the internet.

I don’t have the energy or interest to police other people’s food choices in the morning…or any other time for that matter.

They all sound like upright, controlling sheep. Who actually cares what another person eats for breakfast? Even if a group activity (if you can call it that) has been staged around this breakfast, it’s not as if op decided to get up and go to another restaurant. Calling it attention seeking is bizarre and it gives that ‘weird family all wearing the same coloured top on holiday’ vibe.

Just hope the family isn’t holidaying in King’s Landing. Hard stares? This lot sound like the Lannisters. Paraded through the streets with free buckets of poo for bystanders, more likely.

I don’t think you are attention seeking OP but I rather suspect you are prone to being contrary. If it is important to you to build a better relationship with your ILs I’d tried and ease up on that.

The PIL’s want to round up the whole family to keep tabs on them because they’re toxic AF!

No you are deliberately refusing to understand the point. If you invite someone to an activity for a specific reason, it is rude of them to turn up and say “actually, I am here, I don’t want to do the planned activity and want to do something else.” I won’t force them to do it as they are entitled to change their mind, but equally I am just as entitled to be annoyed and chose not to waste my time and effort on them depending on how much I like them and how many times they do this.

BTW OP is an adult so it is just as much on her to say what time do I need to be ready by, if she is told we are leaving early. It’s hilarious that it’s the allegedly controlling IL’s fault they were late because they didn’t micromanage the plans by telling her specifically what time to be ready by.

If someone is paying for you then it doesn’t take much to be a gracious guest. Say no politely before they have spent time and money on trying to do something nice for you, if you don’t want to do it. Be honest if it doesn’t rock your boat you’ll have something different or try a nibble. Don’t go “yes yum!”then when you are there, “actually I don’t like that kind of thing.”

Also probably said before but 2-4 is probably a siesta because it’s hot outside and cool inside. Maybe they can’t take the heat and want to be out later when it’s cooler for late evening meal.

I bet this holiday everything revolves around her.

oo its 1:50*
maybe OP can come back to mumsnet once the 2pm lockdown starts

😂

"the only way in which h the OP has been a nuisance is not being ready to leave at the same time as everyone else."

Even that sounds like a failure to communicate on her husband's part. He expects her to know his family is sitting down there ready to go and she thinks she's got time to get ready and drink coffee. Husband should kind of know she wants to clean up and have her coffee. He could have woken her earlieror communicated clearly. But wanting her to throw herself out of bed and get going on I laws timetable is an unreasonable expectation.

I am not going anywhere until I've had coffee. Hill to die on.

I think this must be the FIL or MIL don’t you think Skyler. They are very determined it’s their way or no way

No, and I never said they did, as you well know. But typically they do only serve one type of food, even if you can choose chicken, beef or vegetable.

I think this was the kind of setup the OP was imagining. When she got there, she found that burritos (for example) were actually just one item on a wider menu. Hardly an outlandish scenario.

It really helps when families share the same interests and prefer similar things, it's not just a meal deal, it was a shared holiday experience.

But the problem I'm seeing here is not a different food but OP stealing their time. Breakfast is 30min longer at least, cocktails take much longer, day trip with hairwash is off the chart - depends on what was planned, transport, queues etc it might need to be abandoned. Staying indoors 2-4pm in heat makes total sense to me, OP can wonder off assuming it doesn't impact the plans of the entire group after then.

I wonder how one feels making 5 people wait for you?
Why BIL doesn't cause these issues?

In IL's shoes I'd be furious.

“Hesitancy about pineapple.”

Or in sane person speak: a preference for another fruit. Different varieties are available.

She won't come back because she isn't getting the responses she wants (from a lot of us)

oops- my bad !

Imagine only being able to enjoy food if it's a shared experience.

Could understand if it was an orgy, shared experience is the point, but breakfast?

I honestly couldn't live like that, in all seriousness it must be really shit and miserable when your happiness relies on someone else doing the same as you when it comes to really benign stuff like food.

I don’t well know. I’ve never eaten a burrito in my life!
Every burger van I used and abused in my hood offered quite a variety.

I think
1 are the narcissists who easily become bullies
2 the followers who easily are bullied
3 independents who neither make others do what they want nor follow others in doing stuff they don’t want.

1 = OPs PIL
2 = OPs rest of family
3 = OP

The whole day, excluding sleep time, is presumably at least 12 hours long.

Isn't the OP entitled to a little of that time, if the rest is largely given over to what they want to do? Enough at least to get what she wants to eat.

😂😂
You're a nightmare, and have no self awareness.

Maybe. We are only getting one heavily curated side of the story, though. I think she has narcissist written all over her.

How are you the only one not ready to go for this walk? And they are literally sat with shoes on. You say DH said they were going out early. Didn’t you ask about a time? I do feel you’re being bit of a PITA. Are you in harmony at other times? Whilst I don’t feel it warrants being called attention seeking by DH, which is just childish and not very kind, you obviously don’t gel with his family so I’d make this the last freebie holiday you go on with them.

Hood?! I’m not that cool 🤣 typo. Should have said yoof.