Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Ridiculous. In any case, did OP’s in-laws actually say that? Specify that the invitation was strictly for this one food and nothing else?

This is not a normal reaction to being challenged on AIBU - I say this with the greatest of respect, I think you need some help.

You purport that questioning your judgement is rude whilst issuing a conditional invitation - ie you will eat and drink what I dictate or watch what I insist on watching even though you find you prefer a different choice to that I adjudge to be superior when we arrive - is normal?

Sorry mate, you’ve got some serious control issues there.

Why not? You’ve never seen a burrito truck, or a burger van?

I think everyone goes off to their respective rooms and gets jiggy. Even the ILs

OP is being set up to fail with invisible rules.

If breakfast is such a huge, cereminious occasion, why bolt off the moment they've finished their communal Mystery Delicacy. Is it really such a hardship to stay longer while OP enjoys something she actually chose to eat.
If they had indicated that they were going to Cafe X and having the Mystery Delicacy because it's quick and fits in before moving on to another destination, that would be different.

Only offering a specific drink and expecting people to go thirsty if they don't want it is just downright mean.

Getting up on the day and being told we're going out at an unspecified "early" and going to get ready as a result is not unreasonable. If OP's routine is more time intensive then they should have pre-warned her with the specific time the night before so that she could accomodate it. It's their lousy communication that caused the issue.

Is their surname Jom Un? Because they're ridiculously controlling as evidenced by taking exception to things like going for a walk between 2-4 that doesn't impact on them.

There is a major DH issue here because he is not helping OP navigate their ridiculous rules and then getting stroppy with OP when she inadvertently breaks them. If they have children, this is likely to be a major issue as he'll default to mummy and daddy first and not the interests of OP and children.

It sounds like a case of excessively controlling parents and enmeshed, enabling children conditioned to conform to parental groupthink.

Do not go on holiday with them again, no doubt that will be wrong too, but you're just too incompatible for it to be fun.

To survive this one, try to dig out as much information about plans, timings and expectations before each stage. (Athough that will probably also be "attention seeking" and piss them off too)

Obviously they are dicks.
Your DH is an arsehole.
I wouldn’t make people wait for my food to eat theirs though.

Do you order quickly or is the performance of choosing that they mean. And did you order what was on the menu or a 'can I have this but without that and with x on the side'?

It seems odd yours took so much longer like it was a very different option e.g fully cooked rather than the serving up of something prepared.

It sounds less like attention seeking and more like you keep them all waiting a lot. I suspect this isn't an isolated incident and they don't know why you have to change your mind and complicate things all the time.

You are entitled to do that, they are entitled to find it irritating.

I am from the lacking patience camp so I can see their point. Doesn't mean I'm right but it would annoy me.

Please stop trying to make me see what you see, it’s never going to happen! You come across as though it’s your evangelical mission in life to educate others about the things that YOU like, and they are only invited to spend time with you based on YOUR choices. It’s a very rigid way of thinking and behaving, and controlling people in this way isn’t something I can in any way understand.

How is it "rocking the boat" to order a different drink?!
I mean, I'd bloody love the pineapple cocktail thing, sounds delicious, yes please.
What happens if I fancy a banana flavoured one that day?!
Paddington Bear Hard Stares all round and accused of attention seeking?!
I honestly don't know how people cope with this level of barking, seriously, way too much head space lol

Yes OP should be able to choose what she eats. But I think what this is really about is OP not following social conventions within the family group. She's not in the wrong, they're annoyed because "that's not how we do it in this family"

Are they allowed to select the position used or does it need to be authorised by the rest of the family first?

This!

What a strange, uptight family. It’s fascinating how DP is so compliant.

Exactly!

One thing i do dislike about visiting family is the group herd mentality and i always come last on the list of priorities. Sometimes it does feel like being captive

Do they only actually serve one variety of burrito or burger?

Only missionary allowed! 🤣
And downstairs for a cuppa within 20 minutes!

Are you the OP’s MIL? Or even FIL?

Batshittery to the highest level.

🦇 💩

I have read the OP’s posts and most (but not all) of the other posts.

I think this is a case of the OP and her husband having joined someone else’s holiday when she thinks they went on holiday together. My test of whether someone who does this is being a nuisance is whether they are stopping others doing what they want - the only way in which h the OP has been a nuisance is not being ready to leave at the same time as everyone else.

I don’t like the phrase “attention seeker” because it’s used so badly. It’s unlikely that the OP looked at a menu to encourage everyone to focus on her.

Hard one. I’ve got a friend who used to come and stay and if we went to a place with a variety of food trucks/stalls she never went for the quick easy option the group was taking (eg six pizzas/six portions of noodles), we had kids with us and used to have to wait ages while she went round each place and finally chose and would eat long after we’d all finished. Sometimes it’s just easier in a group to go with the majority I guess unless of course there are dietary issues.

I’m so confused on how people are having a go at the OP.

I would hate being told I HAVE to have this item of food/drink or you’re out of order. I would be gutted by having no support from my husband either.

I'm guessing intense sunshine, heat, everything shuts for siesta.

I think they sound a bit cult like and controlling. unless you have a form of always doing the opposite of what everyone wants to do. I think they were right to eat without you though. I wouldn’t expect anyone to sit waiting for my food to arrive, whilst their meal goes cold. That’s the restaurants fault.

It's not controlling, it's wanting to introduce someone to the moussaka.

And if this person doesn’t want to be introduced to the moussaka, you no longer want to spend time with them? You’re only interested in dinner with them if YOU pick the dish?

It's like someone said earlier. If I ask you to the cinema to watch a film that I think is particularly good, then the film is the point. I don't expect you to get there and decide we should watch a different film.

But watching a different film isn’t remotely the same thing. That’s fundamentally changing the activity; it’s preventing YOU from seeing the original film. OP didn’t prevent anyone else having the breakfast they wanted. If we’re going to use your film analogy, all OP did was come to the film, but buy a bag of Revels instead of popcorn.

OP is being set up to fail with invisible rules.

I think she missing social communication nuance - and yes her DH should be making it explict what the expectations are as it's clear she not picking them up either because she generally struggles or they are just not clear enough to an outsider.

Also agree long term with any future kids - this dynamic and lack of DH support is likely to cause issues.

I can’t imagine being stuck on a holiday with these people. Nightmare. You’re not being attention seeking op. They’re nuts.