Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

Did you not actually want to try the breakfast item and were simply accommodating them because you thought it was the only item the restaurant served? (which would be very unusual for a restaurant).

Rightly or wrongly, your in-laws - and apparently your husband too - appear to have you pegged as awkward, difficult and attention-seeking. So anything you do that's off the beaten track (for them) is chalked up as evidence of this.

As I said I was under the impression that this item was the only thing on offer, when we got there and I realised it wasn’t I decided to try something different.

But she wouldn’t know that it wouldn’t arrive at the same time. They ordered together so it’s reasonable to expect it to be served together.

Maybe they were just eager for you to try it if it was specifically what you went out for.

I wouldn't call it attention seeking but I assume you are planning to consume food on other days so plenty of other opportunities for your own choice.

No. What you've described IS NOT attention seeking

However there MUST be more to this than you're saying. Everyone apart from BIL appears to think you're a pain in the bum.....so are you? Are you generally just difficult and princessy?

Or are MIL FIL SIL and DH horrible people?

That's all I want to know. I can't say if you were unreasonable or not until I know what everyone else had and what you opted for.

My mum can be a bit awkward about 'going with the flow'. It can make people feel like they've made a mistake and disappointed someone else.

Not a nice thing for DH to comment.

Them all eating theirs is completely normal though. Five people sitting with food whilst waiting on one who chose differently is not a reason to spoil their own food enjoyment.

They sound charming...

You are an adult and perfectly entitled to choose your own food.

It is their problem if the choose to behave like immature, unpleasant fools.

Your DH should have your back though and I think your biggest issue is that he is allowing his family to disrespect you.

Tell him if he wants to carry on being a childish fool then he can go and stay with mummy and daddy.

Yes, so that's what you are being asked. Was it something you didn't actually want to eat but were intending to go along with it as you thought it was the only thing there?

If so, don't be so accommodating in future. Just say, no, I don't like the sound of that so I'll take a rain check whilst you all go off to breakfast.

Isn’t it quite obvious from the story?

OP thought mystery item was all this cafe sold, and realised it wasn’t when they arrived.

I can see their point of view a bit. It was a shared experience they were looking forwards to. Including you. But you saw it as just going for breakfast, so no need to have the same food or share the experience. It has added to their feeling that you may be aloof and separate from them.
I would have gone with the flow on that one.

I can see both sides.

To your family, it was a fun thing to do on holiday. They’d invested in the shared experience. You set yourself apart from that and that decision caused inconvenience, through no fault of your own.

To you, it was just breakfast. No big deal.

Are they a family who go big on shared events - fuss made on birthdays, Christmas traditions, etc? If you come from a laid-back, more independent family it can jar a bit when you don’t go all in with the forced fun.

You’re clearly not a people-pleaser, so good for you.

wow that’s harsh. How does SIL’s DH behave, does he just go along with the family’s plans? I suspect a matriarchal MIL/FIL and effectively you are there on sufferance at their pleasure. You are a minor part of the family, not an equal member, and expected to “behave”.

I don’t like it.

How does OP eating something different in any way change the fact that they went to the place they wanted to go and tried the food they wanted to try?

I am only here to find out what the MBI is.

Is it something that locals all eat and only tourists were ordering off the rest of the menu and they thought that was embarrassing somehow?

I think the fact that their reaction to you asking for the menu was instantaneous shows that you are already known for this sort of behaviour. It was extremely bad manners of you to say you wanted whatever it was then immediately contradict your father in law when he ordered. That does look like attention seeking. I used to do this sort of thing in my mid to late teens. I just didn't want to be one of the crowd, or at least not be seen to be like everyone else. I had to be different and I now see that that was seeking attention. Luckily, I grew out of it by my early 20s and have been happy being me quietly over the last 50 odd years.

What did the family order, a local speciality?
What did you order?
If you all placed your orders at the same time, unless your item needed a massively long time to prepare, I would have expected all dishes to be served simultaneously.

I voted YABU mainly because you didn’t identify the exciting breakfast item. This was a group outing on day 1 for a specific food. A food you said you’d be happy to try on their enthusiastic recommendation. Then you didn’t. I kind of get where they were coming from.

It sounds like they are quite a conformist family with a lot of group fun and you're not. I don't think either approach is necessarily wrong but can see how there can be annoyance on both sides.

For what it's worth I don't think you were an attention seeker from what you've said.

I guess you won't be going on holiday with them again?

Woah. Your dh! Just in front of Dh, not the rest of the family, I’d be using attention seeking in every sentence. ‘I am getting a cup of tea, if that’s not too attention seeking for you.’ ‘I’m off to bed, if that’s not too attention seeking for you.’ ‘I’m going for a walk, I’ll try not to be too attention seeking about it.’ ‘So I’m thinking about jsut heading home since you’re all being massive assholes, I suppose you’d call that attention seeking of me to think holidays shouldn’t be truly miserable.’

Congratulations to him on making sure his wife never ever goes on holiday with his family again.

Hmm part of me thinks your dh was a dick and his family doesn’t like you.

Part of me thinks you were determined not to be excited about the mystery item because you don’t like them.

Either way, this promises to be a great holiday!

Ok, so firstly we clearly all need to know what this wonderous breakfast item was that they were all so invested in!

You didn't do anything wrong though that I can see OP.

Very odd that yours was served 15 minutes later though, even if you had something different I would still expect all meals to be bought out at the same time.

“don’t start this now for gods sake”

This, plus the eye rolling, says you have form for being difficult and contrary. They knew you were going to be awkward. You were happy to have the MBI up until you walked into the place.

Of course you can change your mind, but considering that for whatever reason, this shared experience of the MBI was important to your ILs, it would probably have been more tactful to have gone with the flow on this occasion. And then tomorrow said that you would rather have something different.