Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

Can you not be a guest if you're not in someone else's house?

1,000 replies. I hope the OP comes back before then.

I think that’s the heart of the issue: it’s the fact it’s a pattern.

Everyone can have a food aversion or feel like they need downtime on occasion. But this sounds much more like a need to assert her right to do her own thing on a regular basis. Just not wanting to “ fit in.” Which of course she can do if she likes. But people can also consider her a pita.

What if you specifically invited them out to try the moussaka, as in this case?

I’d be thrilled to be ousted from this lot!

Your DH and his family sound fucking unhinged, OP. Reminds me of the parents in that sitcom called the Cockfields. Bloody set in their ways and unwilling to try anything new.

I wouldn't go on holiday with them again.

I’d think it was a bit mad to invite me out, but only as long as I ordered a specific dish.

If someone says “I’ll treat us to a curry”, then yes, it’s rude to say you want Chinese or a pizza instead. But if someone says “I’ll treat us to a curry at the Taj Mahal - their lamb rogan josh is amazing”, I wouldn’t think that meant I would be persona non grata if I ordered the chicken jalfrezi.

These family dynamics are clearly set in stone and your DH has been conditioned to them. You are being expected to conform, probably because he has no concept of anyone doing anything else. You are not being unreasonable in wanting to choose other things and I do not think it is attention seeking behaviour. However it clearly does not go down well with that family and if you want a quiet life while in the company of the family I'd suggest you establish what the rules are in advance of every social situation. You don't necessarily need to follow them (taking a walk while they all lurk indoors seems fine to me) but if you know what the rules are you can prime the family (especially your DH) for times when you will not conform and not take him by surprise. He probably cannot comprehend that anyone "can" do something else and may even be secretly jealous that you do - hence the accusations to try to shut it down.

Hope so. Sounds like an arse.

There are some batshit replies on here! Since when has it been attention seeking to choose your own food and drink and want to go out for a walk?! The OP’s in-laws sound like awful control freaks and I can’t imagine anything worse than going on holiday with people like that.

I was looking at the voting numbers by mistake. Mia culpa!

It’s quite obvious in someone else’s house if you’re offered food you get what your given.
The clue is the lack of menu

I learned a long time ago that when I’m with them I never get to pick what I want to do because I’m the least important person in the room. There’s lots of communal eating and it’s always on someone else’s terms. No one ever asks what I would like or where I would like to go. It’s ok. I’m not fussy. Plus family rituals and stories, which are fairly tedious but I just sort of zone out. They’re very nice, kind people but I am clear with DH that we have to do our own thing too.

This is very true - and I think why we had so many issues with IL.

Started with first pg - I couldn't eat breakfast or eat late due to heart burn - and they'd started dieting and that was all they wanted to do - it made me ill - and we tried being polite tried me not going - which was also wrong.

We did used to manage it with young kids - just go off and feed them - but then FIL started getting involved with snacks buying then he'd take charge and not dish them out.

I remember him getting upset one of the kids was hangry and I calming pointed out MIL had insited on waking him and giving him breakfast two hours ealier than his normal - and now we we were nearly and hour and half past his normal midday meal time - MIL did then get some snacks - but FIL just kept muttering about behavior.

Laterly I don't have to visit now - so avoid being on their turf which makes it easier all round for me - plus kids are teens who can and do state what they need politely and can now wait for food. Tables have also turned with time now as it's IL often wanting toilet facilities first and drinks and even food now.

It’s a bit rude to start drying your hair and making a coffee when everyone’s waiting??

you could’ve quickly toweled and pulled it back and bought a coffee on the way

BUT they sound really snarky and set in their way. And your husband should publicly take your side even if you’re being annoying.

i think in a lot of these situations you are being set up to fail, I also like to have a look and try something different. But I also don’t mind being left behind.

I wouldn’t go away with them again

@PooStep i reckon you sound like someone who faffs a bit and that’s what pisses them off, always looking ages at menus and having coffees when you know they are waiting to leave…

If that's all that was said no,. But there comes a point when it is. If they've said "You have to try the lamb rogan josh at the Taj Mahal, come on Tuesday, I'll treat you" then you get there and order something else, to me that's self-evidently rude.

I just don't understand. What if you don't like lamb?

Does anybody actually like you in that family?!

(I'm including your 'D'H in this)

So I wouldn’t say you were attention seeking, per sè, but you do go out of your way to be contradictory. Once you could see everyone was waiting and ready, in your shoes, I’d have tied my wet hair back and planned on ordering a coffee at the restaurant/cafe rather than make a drama out of it.

Also, on arriving and seeing that there were other items available, I would have asked (emphasis, ask) everyone if they minded me looking at the menu and once I established that their items would be delivered immediately I’d have gone along with what they were ordering - after all, it’s not like you hadn’t said at the outset you were game to try it, was it?

And I am sorry, but I also think you are being deliberately disingenuous not to have expected that items other than the mystery delicacy would be served there, so using this as a cover feels deeply manipulative.

So, no issue at all ordering something different but what it sounds like you did was the equivalent of popping into a cafe with a group of people for a coffee and then ordered yourself a main course meal in stead. Whether you just unconsciously don’t read the room or whether you are deliberately trying to get a rise out of everyone by being knowingly being obtuse, I can’t say. But I think you resent the fact that this holiday has been paid for by FIL and that there are expectations to be a bit more easy-going in response. IMHO, it’s rude. If you don’t want to compromise on a holiday, don’t accept the FIL’s generosity next time. Not that I anticipate he’ll ask you again.

I think just keep your head down and say ‘yes please’ to anything offered for the rest of the holiday. Then never go on holiday with them again.

Stoppit 😂

But I assume that’s just different allocations of time — if they take a siesta on holiday somewhere hot, it makes sense thst they want to be out early in the morning to do stuff before it gets too hot. But the Op clearly is less bothered by heat and would rather start later in the morning and not be constrained by ‘siesta’ time but keep going. I don’t think either one is wrong, just different. And needing to be communicated about…

This. Entirely different scenarios. Tbf, though, I wouldn’t claim any of my cooking to be world famous (well, not for good reasons, anyway 😁)

This 100%
Divorce your H and never see the lot of them again. They'll never change, I suspect your H has form for this too; to blame you/make you feel bad when you don't dance like an obedient child to his tune. Does he even try to undeserved how you feel when you tell him?