Apparently I’m attention seeking

[PooStep]

Currently on holiday with DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband.
Before we even got here they had all been going on about this specific breakfast in the specific restaurant that is a local speciality. It was decided we would go there on our first morning and get this item.
So first morning, this item is mentioned again and they’re all excited about getting it. The way they were going on I was assuming this item was all they sold in the morning so I said too I was up for trying it.

We got to the restaurant- sat down and FIL told the waitress we wanted 6 of said item. I then said “actually, I wouldn’t mind having a Quick Look at the menu?”. I saw MIL roll her eyes and I’m pretty sure SIL pulled a face too but can’t be certain. DH then whispered to me “don’t start this now for gods sake” !? Was asking for the menu really so bad? I’d noticed as we walked in that everyone was eating different things so clearly there was more on offer than this one item. I ended up choosing something different, I didn’t realise however that mine would take longer to arrive so I was sat without anything while they all ate theirs. SILs husband did say “shall we wait until Poostep’s arrives?” And MIL said “no I don’t think so, we came in for these didn’t we, I don’t want mine going cold”. So they all ate. Mine arrived 15 minutes later and naturally I was sat eating on my own after they all finished.
later DH asked me if I was going to be seeking attention throughout the holiday. So were they right to be annoyed?

If you're not paying, you get whatever the person who is paying offers you. They might say look at the menu. They might not.

It sounds they have this habit of calling anything they dont approve of "attention seeking".

I think you were a tad unreasonable here to be honest. A failure to read the room. If I was away with my in laws and they went on and on about a restaurant and the speciality dish and how we must go and how amazing it was - unless I really didn’t like that food, I would go with the flow. It sort of pisses on their parade to ask for a menu and order something different. Yes you are well within your rights etc and it was crass of them to eye roll.

Your husband’s comment does make me think you may have form for this? Be honest? Like if you are typically easy going and easy to deal with, people you know very well don’t typically make comments like this do they? Unless he is an utter arsehole. It sort of sounds like, ‘here we go again, what’s wrong now’.

You had the whole holiday to order anything else you wanted on the menu for that one meal you should really have shown a little camaraderie and gone alone with it.

Who was picking up the bill for the breakfast?

If it was your PIL paying for it and you went off piste ordering a more expensive breakfast then I totally sympathise with them.

I have mannerless, grabby, tone deaf in-laws who use every family occasion to eat high off the hog at our expense.

So because you’re treating them they have to eat what you say?! That’s insane 😂

She’s probably not allowed to be on mumsnet at this time. Then come 2-4pm she has to sit inside. Maybe she’ll be allowed then. Or maybe she must make conversation and praise her dhs family for 2 hours ….😆Who knows?

Weird family.

they sound like whackos

Why though? Why would you be so desperate for someone else to eat what you’re eating? Why is that more important than the other person - who you presumably like, otherwise why invite them out - enjoying their food?

Why would it be complicated to order something on the restaurant's menu?

I think it's ultimately a communictaion issue - and her DH should be doing more to smooth the path and set expectations between her and his family.

Be ready by x - or wait while she gets another drink and catch rest of the family up - or point out the meal she ordered will take longer and perhaps his family could go on as he waits with her.

That would just be weird.

Join me for dinner at this restaurant with many choices. You must eat what I eat, though.

That’s not a guest, that’s a captive!

Seriously?

Can't you see that's implicit in the offer if it's worded like that?

Other offers are not worded like that, so it isn't.

"We'll all have the ortolan please"

"Umm not for me I don't fancy....."

"EAT THE FUCKING BIRD SHARON IM PAYING FOR IT"

And again, for the hundredth time, if Sharon has only been invited to come and try the ortolan, then what the fuck is she doing there if she doesn't fucking want it?

I see what you’re getting at, but this is where I think the breakfast item matters.

I don’t eat eggs. So if the suggestion was to go for the Portuguese custard tarts, I’d either decline or say “I’ll just come along for coffee”. But if the suggestion was for a sausage & egg McMuffin, I probably wouldn’t say anything because I’d assume I could just ask for mine to be without egg. In either case if I got there and saw there were other options, I’d probably want to choose something different.

Obviously if the suggestion is to treat someone to a specific item then you need to say in advance if it’s really not going to work - but it could be that OP thought there was some wiggle room.

No excuse for the hair drying / coffee situation, though. OP was definitely UR about that.

Anyway, I only came back to this thread to see if Mystery Breakfast Dish had been revealed. Though I am amused by ‘breakfast bacalau’, I’m going to guess that the OP and her happy crew are in fact holidaying in the UK, and that the specialty was stargazy pie for breakfast.

Haven't even read the rest of the comments but yes your husband isn't nice! Your inlaws rude too but your husband is meant to support you.

OP hasn’t said who was paying and I’m sure OPcan pay for he4 own and w3 all would if it meant we could actually eat what we want rather than what we are told to.

Lets consider this from another angle.

OPs DH insists she always eats what he tells her to eat
OPs DH insists she’s not allowed to leave the house between 2 and 4 pm every day
OPs DH insists she must always have what he is having
OPs DH insists his PIL come first in all choices.

Now Mumsnetters what would be your response
LTB obviously

IMO when money is offered it is nearly always about control. He who pays the piper calls the tune. This is precisely the reason DH and I have always refused any offers of financial help from ILs!

When the previous generation pay for things I think it's inevitable that they expect their wishes to be taken into account, and I think taking a free holiday and expecting to do exactly what you want is being over optimistic.

I suspect it's less the ordering something different more the waiting round while she does it.

If it is the having something different they are clearly batshit.

If it's the constant waiting on OP then can see why that gets old.

@AthWat your ‘nice girl’ medal is in the post!

As a confident adult, I’m capable of understanding that I still have a choice in what I eat or when I can go for a walk and understanding that bending to someone else’s rigidity for the sake of peace or being seen as agreeable is not showing much confidence at all.

You would have that discussion beforehand, when the offer was made. Not agree to try the lamb, turn up at the restaurant, and then wait until the order is being made, to announce that actually, no, you don't want the lamb, and want to see the menu instead. And don't expect other party members to wait for your more involved meal which took longer to prepare to arrive before tucking into theirs.

But that's not quite the comparison. It's like agreeing to to go to the curry house for the express lunch menu, that everyone knows will take 50 minutes to order, eat and pay, and then getting there and deciding that actually you want to look at all the other options, and order something longer and more complicated, that's out of sync with everyone else and changes plans that were already agreed.

OPs problem is that she doesn't seem to understand the boundaries of the choices she's been offered, or the appropriate time within the decision making process to make her preferences known.

Breakfast - just go with what you've already agreed to eat when deciding to go to that venue on that day. If having a choice or not being committed to something in advance is so important, say so at an earlier point.
Drink - She's been offered a pineapple drink - the answer is y/n, not let me see what else is available.
Walk - Clearly she has a morning routine - so if agreeing to go out to something early, check what early actually means so you can get up far enough in advance. If they say we want to go at 8:30 and her hairstyling requirements make that impossible, offer to catch them all up there rather than expecting everyone to hang around.

Absolutely crackers.