Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend forgot my child's birthday

168 replies

Mrsbattenburg · 07/05/2025 08:21

My close friend forgot my childs birthday last month and I feel so disappointed and not sure how to handle?!
She messaged me at the weekend just a how are you text, so I replied back and mentioned it was my child's birthday and she still hasn't replied. No sorry I forgot or anything. Makes me so angry as I always remember her children's birthdays, send text, get gifts etc

She always on facebook, posting 100s of photos of her children, but can't even spare 5 minutes to reply to my message and apologising.

OP posts:
financialmuddle · 07/05/2025 12:22

Is this particularly important to you as may be your child doesn't have much extended family to make a fuss of them, @Mrsbattenburg?

MyDeftDuck · 07/05/2025 12:23

Save your money and stop buying cards and gifts for random people in life. Focus on your family, they’re the important people around you.

LilacMay · 07/05/2025 12:31

I have been in your position.

You’re that friend that remembers every anniversary, every birthday. You’re the best friend that takes a huge interest into your friends life and wonders how they are celebrating occasions. You take an interest in their hobbies and their children and…

You don’t get the same back.

It’s upsetting and disappointing.

The thing is, and what I’ve learnt is that not everyone is the same as you. You’re not better than anyone else, you just have a different personality and a bigger memory. You’re a giver, you want to show you care constantly.

Your options are to continue being you and sending them cards, remembering them birthdays. Or you step back, give people the same that they give you so you feel less disappointed.

It isn’t personal, they don’t dislike your kids, they don’t not care, they just aren’t as invested or have the brain space with busy life going on x

Maybethisallthereis · 07/05/2025 12:32

Maybe she has a lot going on in her life!

WonderingWanda · 07/05/2025 12:36

Honestly, if your friend is anything like many women she is busy remembering the birthdays for everyone including her inlaws and dh's family as well as juggling all the other mental load for her family. If this isn't symptomatic of a wider disregard for you then cut her some slack. I have been the friend who forgot multiple times. Her lack of response might be because she's embarrassed....or your unreasonable anger came across in the tone of your message and she's now thinking 'Bloody he'll, Mrs B is being a bit precious"

Lassango · 07/05/2025 12:38

ForOliveMember · 07/05/2025 08:24

Then too you can ease yourself of the burden of buying gifts and remembering her children's birthdays too. It will be much easier for both of you.

Exactly this.

Having to reciprocate spending money on presents and cards for friends children is something I would happily be done with too.

Caramelcap · 07/05/2025 12:59

I am so this friend.
I mean well, I have people in my thoughts but just do not have the capacity to remember and wish everyone a happy birthday. People are busy/have their own children/schedules/issues/problems to deal with.

User79853257976 · 07/05/2025 12:59

You are being precious. Just take it as a sign of how she wants things and don’t get her kids anything either. Not in a bitter way.

Gardenbird123 · 07/05/2025 13:05

I agree with you. I took have done the birthday thing for other people's children only to have mine forgotten. Now I stop as soon as they stop. Recently a branch of the family forgot my son's birthday - he's 22 but I still think a message wouldn't have killed them......x

mummybear35 · 07/05/2025 13:36

Just wow! If that’s all that is going on in your world that boils your piss, lucky you! My son was attacked and stabbed randomly recently, my husband passed away but god forbid, a friend (who has her own life and issues!) forgets my child’s birthday!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

rosemarble · 07/05/2025 14:43

So much horridness in this thread.

Happy Birthday to Battenberg Junior.

Ravenview · 07/05/2025 15:23

ForOliveMember · 07/05/2025 08:24

Then too you can ease yourself of the burden of buying gifts and remembering her children's birthdays too. It will be much easier for both of you.

Exactly this. Don’t bother again.

GroovyChick87 · 07/05/2025 16:35

I don't think see the point in these type of replies. I'm very sorry for the things you've been through but people don't need to validate their " lesser " problems to you.

GroovyChick87 · 07/05/2025 16:35

mummybear35 · 07/05/2025 13:36

Just wow! If that’s all that is going on in your world that boils your piss, lucky you! My son was attacked and stabbed randomly recently, my husband passed away but god forbid, a friend (who has her own life and issues!) forgets my child’s birthday!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄

That reply was to you.

DwayneTheRockJohnson · 07/05/2025 16:38

YABU. There’s only one of my friends who ever remembers my daughter’s birthday and that’s because their birthday is on the same day 😂 Other than that, no-one else does because it’s just not a big deal to them. I only remember my nephew’s because he was born on our wedding anniversary 🤷‍♀️ Her birthday is still special to you, no need for validation from others.

cinnamonda · 07/05/2025 18:18

Mrsbattenburg · 07/05/2025 08:30

Sorry typed that in a hurry...I'm not angry just disappointed she hasn't texted back to say sorry and wish him a happy birthday! I would if that was me! But maybe I care too much and try to make an effort.

You are a considerate and kind friend and be proud that you are like that personality, but unfortunately her personality is not the same and she is not as considerate - it is just a difference of personalities.
you expect the same kindness as you are giving but unfortunately there is no match in reality.
she is probably a good friend as you would not be friends if she was not- but her way of expressing her friendship may be different to your way.

my suggestion is that you lower your expectations of her, next time when her kid’s birthday arrives, don’t go to too much lengths to buy gifts - a nice text should be just enough and still considerate enough so you are still being polite and yourself albeit a bit less.

good luck and happy birthday to you kid :)

elh1605 · 07/05/2025 18:19

We have friends who every Christmas and birthday my husband gives money to their 2 children and for the past 3 Christmases and birthdays (and on amd off over the past 11years) our child has got nothing. The mum has even said 'I have X's present but just not sure where I put it'
I suggested hubby stop buying for them but he won't as it's good friend. I find it very infuriating

Botanybaby · 07/05/2025 19:13

Your kid is your priority

That is where it stops

Your friend has no obligation to remember the day you had a kid
It doesn't make them a bad person or selfish they just don't prioritise your offspring and that's cool

Mayhooray · 07/05/2025 21:22

cinnamonda · 07/05/2025 18:18

You are a considerate and kind friend and be proud that you are like that personality, but unfortunately her personality is not the same and she is not as considerate - it is just a difference of personalities.
you expect the same kindness as you are giving but unfortunately there is no match in reality.
she is probably a good friend as you would not be friends if she was not- but her way of expressing her friendship may be different to your way.

my suggestion is that you lower your expectations of her, next time when her kid’s birthday arrives, don’t go to too much lengths to buy gifts - a nice text should be just enough and still considerate enough so you are still being polite and yourself albeit a bit less.

good luck and happy birthday to you kid :)

Show quote history

I don’t think its right to say that OP’s friend is “not as considerate’ just because she forgot the childs birthday. OP’s friend could be going through anything, be tired, overwhelmed, burnt out. She may well be just as kind and considerate as a personality but just slipped up. Everyone is human x

Solocup · 07/05/2025 23:50

Shit, do people really think like this? Birthdays are overrated. I’d never expect a friend to know when my kids’ birthdays are. This is so weird.

Dancingintherainxxx · 08/05/2025 00:31

Seriously. .. why would friend care ? My friends would forget mine if I didn't mention it I'd say 🤣 who cares

Inthetyreshop · 08/05/2025 00:52

This isn’t a big deal op especially if she doesn’t have children don’t let this effect your relationship

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 08/05/2025 11:27

I constantly forget friend's children's birthdays (and ages tbh), there's so many of them and they live all over the world - I generally have the gist and would check in around the time "hope so and so had a good birthday" or "is it so and sos birthday soon?"
I'd never expect them to remember or send me anything and wouldn't bat an eyelid if thwy had no clue when mine were born. Grandparents, aunties and uncles yes but not friends - everyone has so much on, don't guilt trip someone who is probably stressed and busy.
The only time I'd say different is if this is a pattern of disregard for you, such as her asking favours but not returning them, expecting you to always travel to her, not returning messages but expecting you to. Even then I give the benefit of the doubt, we are all frantically trying not to sink aren't we!

oldmoaner · 08/05/2025 18:52

I remember everyone's birthdays, they're all on my calendar, even neighbours kids, only one remembers mine, on the other hand no family members remember birthdays other than close family members. Guess it depends if you consider other people's birthdays important.

Beautifulweeds · 08/05/2025 19:29

Unless invited to a party or very close, even then, me and my friends don't generally make a big deal of ours DCs' birthdays. Will wish each other a good day and share photos but no expectations. My Mum has always sent cards, money gifts, given presents to all family members and friends' children and I admire her for that.

Me and mine are far more lapse and once you start to do it then everyone has to, which would be lovely of course.

It's hard enough trying to remember each other's birthdays and we really aren't bothered cxx