Friend forgot my child's birthday

[Mrsbattenburg]

My close friend forgot my childs birthday last month and I feel so disappointed and not sure how to handle?!
She messaged me at the weekend just a how are you text, so I replied back and mentioned it was my child's birthday and she still hasn't replied. No sorry I forgot or anything. Makes me so angry as I always remember her children's birthdays, send text, get gifts etc

She always on facebook, posting 100s of photos of her children, but can't even spare 5 minutes to reply to my message and apologising.

As an ADHDer with the forgetfulness of a dementia patient at times, I suspect she feels like shit and is avoiding replying because then she has to acknowledge that she forgot and upset you.

It’s embarrassing and it’s easier to bury your head in the sand.

I could be way off but it’s something to consider?

Oh god stop being so bloody passive aggressive. You aren’t a better person because you send a card.

Handle it? Get over it. No fuss just forget it. Drama queen comes to mind.

You are being over sensitive! I have my own kids birthdays to remember, i am busy, forgetful and overwhelmed, I would be heartbroken if a friend was “angry and dissapointed” that I had forgoten a birthday! That sounds really really childish and you sound high-maintenance. My SiL did this once, i was in the middle of a nervous breakdown, postpartum depression and a toddler. I forgot that it was her birthday and did not give her a card / present. She started this hate vendetta towards me and pulled her mother (my mil) in with her that I should “do better/make an effort blah blah blah) it was horrible and please dont do that to your friend.

Maybe she wants to end this whole gift giving cycle.

No one needs to be buying tat for others’ kids. Talk about an unnecessary mental load. Do men worry about this sort of thing?

When I read the thread title I thought you’d forgotten your own DC’s birthday! Forgetting a friend’s child’s birthday is not a big deal.

You’re not her friend. You only want her in your life in relation to adulation for your life.

Sorry. Step away. You’ll both be better off.

Surely you’d just be relieved not to have to bother with the ghastly present/card-buying cycle that nobody actually wants or needs?

Also, I’m always amazed at the number of people who expect anyone other than immediate family to remember their kids’ birthdays! I find it deeply weird.

Not sure why you’re so angry! She forgot and you’re turning it into an issue! My sister always forgets family birthdays but remembers friends. My feelings I really have more important things to worry about! Just don’t send anything for her children!

Makes me so angry as I always remember her children's birthdays, send text, get gifts etc

Just stop.

You may think your child is the centre of the universe but that’s because they’re yours. The same doesn’t stand for everybody else.

People have enough birthdays in their own families to remember. Let it go.

She’s probably not answering now because she knows you’re going to blow your lid on her.

The only peoples birthdays I remember are my own children. However, if someone said its my childs birthday on text, I would reply with happy birthday to x. She could have done this I suppose but not something ainwould get angry about.

Thing is, she's not you. You can't expect her to be you. You ARE expecting her to be you

I find that some people can be endlessly disappointing if I expect them to be like I am.

So I don't expect that any more

Perhaps you could choose to be more her and less you, around her?

I have absolutely no idea when any of my friends’ children’s birthdays are. Dh only realised last week when people wished him a happy birthday on the wrong day that he didn’t even get his own birthday right. 😂

It is a shame but to others it isn’t a big deal.

is it just me who does a tiny eyeroll over "maybe I care too much"?

I would say it is unusual that in response to your text saying it was your child's birthday you didn't get a "happy birthday to them" text back. But "angry" is over the top. Spending more than 5 seconds wondering about it is over the top.

It's also unnecessary to send her children gifts and cards. Stop if you're not happy to do it. She might actually prefer that you don't.

Jeez I don’t celebrate my friends birthdays let alone their kids! Unless seeing them on the day it doesn’t get a mention.

I don’t know or care when my friends’ children’s birthdays are. I also don’t care if they know or acknowledge my DD’s birthday. I suspect many, many, other parents feel the same as me. Who has the time or headspace for something so irrelevant?

Very few people will care for your kids the same way you do.

it means NOTHING if someone doesn’t text YOU (assuming your child is small) to say happy birthday to your child.

Realy life is way too short to be stressing about nothing at all . Peaple have real problems goin on in the world ,

No need to buy her kids presents or cards. You think a lot about her. She puts less thought into you so stop putting in so much unnecessary effort in. Continue friendship if she offers assistance in other ways.

And stop getting other people’s kids gifts, @Mrsbattenburg they get enough and it’s OTT.

@Mrsbattenburg to continue giving gifts when it is not reciprocated is poor etiquette and very rude. You make the other person feel uncomfortable.

Unless your aim is to bully your friend into gift giving (I don't think that's your aim) you are unintentionally being incredibly impolite.

That's OK just remember the effort and match the energy it's no big deal