Friend forgot my child's birthday

[Mrsbattenburg]

My close friend forgot my childs birthday last month and I feel so disappointed and not sure how to handle?!
She messaged me at the weekend just a how are you text, so I replied back and mentioned it was my child's birthday and she still hasn't replied. No sorry I forgot or anything. Makes me so angry as I always remember her children's birthdays, send text, get gifts etc

She always on facebook, posting 100s of photos of her children, but can't even spare 5 minutes to reply to my message and apologising.

I’ve known my best friend for 40 years, she has two kids. I have no idea when her kids birthdays are, I think one is November. I don’t expect her to care about my son’s birthday.
I understand you are thoughtful and remember, so this is why it stings a bit, but the majority of my friends have no idea when my sons birthday is, or will send a quick WhatsApp when I post about it on social media. It’s not a big deal.

She’s friends with you Op, not your child.
stop buying for her child.
problem solved.

Giving something to someone should not put them under any obligation to reciprocate; though there is an unwritten social contract whereby you exchange cards and gifts with friends in a like for like manner. I’m guessing that for you, this expectation extends to children. I’d do your best to let it go. Maybe next time you see her, mention that your child had a nice birthday and she can then show interest and look pleased for you. You say you care too much which makes it sound like she’s thoughtless by comparison; in reality you just have different standards in this area and it would be a shame to hold onto resentment towards her for just being herself. If a friend (or partner) is not giving you what you want from a relationship then you either need to reset your parameters or find someone else.

Perfectly put.
I love all my nieces and nephews and my friend's kids. I don't always remember or get a gift on time. But do try to show up and show I care when it matters.

I forgot a good friends big birthday , but as I’m a good friend in all other ways and buy her flowers for lots of other occasions in her life I assume she will let it slide - I hope !

😂

Me too! But hey we are not good people like the op 😂

I would never expect a friend to remember my child’s birthday. If they do I think it’s lovely and going above and beyond.

I used to raise an eyebrow when dsil didn't send ds a birthday card or present. I thought ahead change when she had dc. Nope. I just stopped sending them cards as she clearly couldn't be fagged with it.

I think that poster was being sarcastic

Classic Mumsnet, where it's apparently unreasonable to expect anything ever from your friends.

OP, I have two very close friends who my baby will call auntie. They're literally my ride and dies. One in particular I spent my entire childhood with, and I consider her my sister. We go to all of each other's family events. I always remember their children's birthdays and get gifts, and I'd feel pretty gutted if this wasn't reciprocated.

I wouldn't expect it of an average friend, but I absolutely would of close friends if you have a relationship where you also get their kids something.

Add me to the group of eye rollers.

Mu eyes had only just come back to the front after the “I didn’t word that well”. No, you got slammed and tried to backtrack (soften) what you said.

I would take this as my cue to stop with my birthday gifts and cards to her children too.

Maybe she has other things going on. your child's birthday is important to you but it never going to be as important to someone else. It's lovely that you make the effort for her children but I have trouble remembering family birthdays let alone friend's kids. My MiL used to by presents and things for her friend kids birthday, weddings etc. but never got anything back. If it really does bother you, 'forget' her kids birthday and see if she comments.

I don't think you can expect friend to remeber your child's birthday. I don't and quite hienetly I won't unless it is my Godchild. However, it would have been polite to say congrats after you told her it was their birthday. You can stop with the gifts.

A lesson we all have to learn is life is we shouldn;t project what we think or do onto other people and expect they think or do the same.

it's the basis of most relationship problems, especially on MN.

I don't expect my friends to remember my sons' Birthdays. Some do, some don't.
However, if I told them in a text that it was their Birthday then I would expect an acknowledgement and good wishes in their reply, in the same way that I would expect someone to respond to anything I send in a message e.g. I got a new kitchen this week. It's how conversation and friendship works.

OP, I think you need to wait to see what your friend says when she does reply.

If I tell my friends things and they don't show any interest, and instead just wang on about themselves then I wouldn't really regard it as a close friendship.

YABU to be upset that she forgot your child’s birthday.

YANBU to be upset that she has not replied to you since the weekend.

But I would give her the benefit of the doubt because she may be busy or may have thought she had replied but hadn’t.

Instead of being angry or disappointed, match her energy.

Also, it’s saved you a job.

If my friends threw a hissy fit for me not acknowledging their child's birthday they would be ex friends pretty fast.

I don't expect anyone to remember childrens birthdays other me, DH and grandparents. Both of my best friends are godmothers and would never forget, DH best friends wives usually send a card but wouldn't be disappointed as such if they didn't.

Same. We gave up on it really early.

I couldn’t tell you my friends’ children’s birthdays, just as they’d have no idea about mine.

My best friend and I always lose track of each others kids' dates but always have the month right - we just check with each other around the time to make sure we don't miss it.

If we do,then no big deal at all! Life happens, it doesn't mean we don't care.I wouldn't let this upset you - and blimey,don't say anything to her. Particularly if you value her friendship.

When I saw someone had replied to my comment I was expecting it to be someone angry about what I said.

But YES YES YES. I couldn't agree with you more. I don't dislike children, but I wouldn't choose to socialise with them and when they are around it dominates the conversation.

Due to being ND I'm not amazing at pretending to be interested in topics that bore me (little Sophia's new love for playing the recorder).

I also gravitate towards people's cats. I relate to introverts who dislike strangers and enjoy naps + treats 😁

Just you.
My eye roll was substantial.