Friend forgot my child's birthday

[Mrsbattenburg]

My close friend forgot my childs birthday last month and I feel so disappointed and not sure how to handle?!
She messaged me at the weekend just a how are you text, so I replied back and mentioned it was my child's birthday and she still hasn't replied. No sorry I forgot or anything. Makes me so angry as I always remember her children's birthdays, send text, get gifts etc

She always on facebook, posting 100s of photos of her children, but can't even spare 5 minutes to reply to my message and apologising.

Yeah, this. One of my friends has 6 kids, another has 3, another has 2 and I have 2 of my own. Thats not even including the children in my own extended family.

There is absolutely no way I could keep up with all those kid's birthdays- and thankfully none of my friends would expect me to and vice versa. The birthdays I celebrate are those in my immediate family - I dont have the physical or emotional time/bandwidth to keep track of a list of 20 or so children's birthdays. YABU.

My close friend forgot my childs birthday last month and I feel so disappointed and not sure how to handle?!

She's not your friend. Unfriend her on all SM and block her immediately.
In future be more choosy when making friends.

As long as you manage to unclutch your pearls by the end of 2025, you should be OK.

In future, send several reminders of your family birthdays to all your close friends and relatives .

I get it OP. A friend of mine makes a massive thing about her DD birthday, we all get pics, friend gets cross if her friends drop DD gift off a day later or if they get a sh*t gift etc. Yet she forgot my DD birthday this year when she messaged me with 'hello' type of thing at 6pm and making idle chat about if I was going to the gym that eve .. err no, we are on our way out with DD to celebrate her birthday.

All hell would break out if we forgot her DD birthday or didn't make a fuss about it etc

I don’t even remember my own family’s birthdays or send them presents. If there isn’t a party, I don’t buy a card or present.

Because nobody actually gives a shit about your child birthday- other than direct family.

Having certain expectations of other people is likely to lead to disappointment and upset.

You can't make people care about things you think they should but you can try and manage your own reaction. Just for your own wellbeing. With the best will in world we all forget things.

I had an hour long conversation with one of my closest friends this week and about 4 hours later it dawned it on me it was his birthday. We both had a good laugh about it.

Some weeks I’m lucky if I’d remember my own child’s birthday 😂

(not literally, of course….)

I did a big FFS !

Stop buying for her kids. I can see both sides. Youre going to feel put out that your efforts for her kids go unreturned but people have busy lives and friend's kids are not usually the priority. Maybe just see it as a sign to stop with it all.

All hell would not break lose as surely you have boundaries and would walk away/put the phone down/ not reply to messages.

why are you friends with such a selfish person then- isnt that rather on you for allowing this kind of petulant tantrum from a grown adult to continue and saying absolutely nothing about it?

I still have to think hard when asked about when my own 3 year old birthday is lol. More than once I have been like 'the 5th of June, or is it July? no its June, wait its definitely the 5th not the 4th right?' in a panic.

Took a good couple of years to bed in and become second nature to answer without having to overthink it with all my kids, I honestly couldn't tell you when a single one of my friends kids birthdays are.

I genuinely couldn't care less about my friend's children's birthdays. She was rude not to send back a quick "Happy Birthday" but YABU to expect her to care.

I wouldn't be making an effort for her kids birthdays though, just match her energy!

It's frustrating to me because I make friends with adults and they almost expect that I am by extension friends with their children. I don't expect them to make a fuss of my cats lol

🙄😂🙄😂

I can’t understand how you would think your child’s birthday is important to anyone outside your family?

is there some back story that she demands gifts etc for her child on their birthdays?

so you know how to handle things going forward: friendship on back burner, ignore her kids' birthdays.

Easy.

I don't know any of my friends' kids' birthdays, I don't think most people expect friends to remember. It's lovely to be the friend that does remember and makes the effort but it's not something most people do - TBH give yourself less mental load, you don't have to do this yourself either. But if you do, don't expect reciprocation because for something like this it's creating unnecessary load on others.

How or why would even remember all these birthdays ?

@Mrsbattenburg kindly, you need to get more resilience to deal with this.

Other than my immediate family or if we throw a party for my DC, we don't expect birthday cards or wishes from anyone.

If I post on FB saying 'Happy Birthday to my lovely DC' - I then get a lot of 'hearts' &/or messages from friends - I do the same for other friends' DC. That's it.

You are expecting way too much. Just because you hold great importance in sending cards etc doesn't mean that others feel the same.

Release yourself from the obligation OP. My friend was stressing about forgetting my daughter’s birthday but honestly she just turned 13 and she doesn’t expect cards from my friends now. My friends son is 17 and I haven’t sent him a birthday card in about 5 years. I’m guessing neither your child nor hers are short of presents around this time so just accept life has moved on and save yourself the angst.

This is how you handle it : )

I’d be a bit upset too seeing as she uses her phone a lot. In the future, send a text or card, but not presents for her children.

Oh come on, surely everyone makes a fuss of cats though lol.

I definitely know my friends cats better than their kids. Usually when we hang out the kids aren't there (house parties etc... with drink so kids staying with grandparents, visits to watch a film after the kids in bed, meeting at the pub for lunch while kids at school or out with dad etc...) but if at the house the cats are there getting cuddles.

I'm friends with the parent not the child, from before the kids existed. No one CHOOSES to hang out and be friends with little children as an adult unless theres something a bit weird/dodgy about them. Being polite if they are there as their yes (same way I would be polite to my friends 90 year old grandma if she was there but not actively seek to hang out with etc...), but being active friends who hang out with nope, weird.

On the getting rarer and harder to organize with each child in the group occasion we get to get together and I see my friends the last thing I want is to be in full parent mode watching mine or their kids. That time is adult time (where we can actually talk and relax) and a well deserved break from the parenting we do all day every day.

Its weird when people think their kid is a part of them that must be dragged along in their adult friendships, its the same way I'm not friends with my kids friends. I have my friends and my kids have their own friends, of suitable age and scenarios with healthy normal boundaries for each.

Jeez this is a bit harsh. Why would you feel the need to cut someone off because they didn’t remember your child’s birthday.

The average person has a few children of their own, their siblings will have multiple children, their partners siblings will have multiple children and that could easily add up to 20+ kids! It is completely reasonable and normal not to add your friends children to that never ending list of presents and even remembering!

That doesn’t make someone not a friend and doesn’t mean you need to block them and never talk again.

It sounds like you also need to lower your expectations.