Friend forgot my child's birthday

[Mrsbattenburg]

My close friend forgot my childs birthday last month and I feel so disappointed and not sure how to handle?!
She messaged me at the weekend just a how are you text, so I replied back and mentioned it was my child's birthday and she still hasn't replied. No sorry I forgot or anything. Makes me so angry as I always remember her children's birthdays, send text, get gifts etc

She always on facebook, posting 100s of photos of her children, but can't even spare 5 minutes to reply to my message and apologising.

Agree that your expectations are a bit high, OP. Sorry if the message has come across a bit harshly here, but honestly, she has 4 kids - I'm amazed if she knows her arse from her elbow 99% of the time!

You'll be doing yourself a huge favour if you deal her a huge amount of grace and brush it off, honestly.

Time to stop the gifts for her kids and just drop in a birthday text. I really think she'd be grateful for it.

I would also far rather spend time with people's cats than their children.

@housethatbuiltme Love your description about dragging their children into adult friendships, it's so true.

This is your friend op she is not the mother to your child.
Not everyone is going to remember.
I cant tell you when my niece or nephews birthday is.
My sons 22 in a few days im not expecting anyone to be blowing up my phone with messages.
He will be at work anyway same as me life goes on.

No. You are not alone. 😂

Did your child notice? Were they distraught that YOUR friend forgot to wish them happy birthday? If this is all you have to worry about then aren't you lucky?

When my bunch of girlfriends starting crapping multiple children out we all agreed a happy birthday text was sufficient. Who can remember all those dates 😱

It has the whiff of the martyr about it doesn't it?!

God I struggle to remember all our family kids birthdays never mind friends!

I think it might be satire?

It’s actually kind of sweet to see someone soooo wrapped up in their child that these are the big issues in their life. There’s so much horror in the world, yet this country still has people living such a high quality of life they’re upset about this! It’s hard enough to remember my own children’s birthdays 😂Maybe adopt a few (more) pets!

Thanks for the scold. So you put your friends in categories?! Very close friends, friends you consider to be your sister, average friends? How about convenient friends, awful friends, useful but awful friends, usefulf but unimportant friends? Your life must be exhausting keeping track of what you expect from each catergory!

1. "I would if that was me" - but that doesn't mean that texting is the right thing to do and not texting is wrong. You're not better for doing it. You are putting effort in, in a way which is meaningful to you, and hopefully she appreciates that. But maybe she doesn't have time for all this. Sounds like she has more than one child while you have one. She's probably busy and who knows what has gone on in her life this week.
2. One definition of being hard work is someone who has a specific idea of how others should respond to them, and will feel wronged if other people don't play out this script. But the other person may have no idea that you d expect them to respond in a certain way. You're taking it personally as meaning she doesn't value your friendship, when it may well just mean she's been very busy, or preoccupied with something else, or just doesn't think that a text about someone else's kid's birthday is that important.
3. "Maybe I care too much and try to make an effort" - you're being passive - aggressive here. That can really make it difficult for your friends to interact with you on an adult basis. They may feel like they're walking on eggshells or trying to interpret how you feel. Perhaps it would be better to just say honestly and openly to your friend something like :

"My precious baby is the centre of my world. I am still getting the hang of all this and working out when it's appropriate for us to send cards and gifts to each other's kids. What do you think we should do, so we're on the same page?"

I have so much going on I struggle to keep up with the birthdays in my own home. Yabu its not that deep

Why would they remember unless you were having a party for your DD.
I do remember some of my friends' DC's birthdays - very close ones - tbh I barely remember my own friends' ones sometimes if I have a lot going on - obviously I do for my v close friends but others, no.

Match her energy OP. Stop the presents and cards blah blah blah. Less noise in your life. Thinking that others have to behave like you or find the same things important is setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. It took me years to learn this, but now I am much happier for it.

Just say you’re going to stop exchanging gifts - she can hardly insist that you continue and it stops you being so disappointed.

It’s usual not to remember friends’ children’s birthdays, but it’s unusual not to say Happy Birthday when reminded. Some people are a bit rubbish! (People’s shittiness still surprises me even though I’m 47 already). She might be embarrassed though and so might be frozen in her tracks. The only way to find out is to talk to her about it - then you’ll know if she’s alright ir not. But god… some people are just unbelievable, it’s true.

Crikey

you need to find your sense of proportion

Good grief OP - SO WHAT!!!!!!!!!

Lord Above....

I was working FT and would frequently forget my nieces birthdays (they lived nearly 200mile away and we weren't close to ILs anyway. We never got phone calls with updates.) It would often get mentioned later.

“Maybe I care to much”

Translation: I am a lovely caring woman. So much more caring than you.

It was very passive aggressive to bring up your son’s birthday a month after it happened to prompt her to say something. I wouldn’t reply mentioning a birthday from last month, it’s long gone.

I think it's sweet when friends remember my kids' birthdays, but I absolutely don't expect them to. And I always feel a pang of guilt when someone fairly random does, because I only remember other kids' birthdays when they're having a party!!

It makes you so angry? Get a grip for goodness sakes or get a hobby.

My goodness your children aren't the second bloody coming, why should people remember their birthdays? If you remembered the birthdays of everyone in your family, extended family, friends and their families, you'd never have time to blink! Grow up and deflate your ego, and life will be much, much better.