AIBU to be annoyed mum is on holiday over 2nd babys due date?

[Mumblebumble1]

My parents split their time between the UK (40 mins away) and Spain.

My second baby is due on 19th July, they have booked to be in Spain from 3rd -18th July. They booked this since finding out the due date. They book flights around £25 each way, so could easily rearrange but won't.

I'm not really sure now what to do with DS when I go into labour. AIBU to expect my mum to be around to look after DS when I'm in hospital?

Just feeling really let down by my parents!

Yes grandparents should have choices and I have lost count of the posters who try and dictate what grandparents do on here or complian the grandparents have not done what they have demanded they do never mind the endless childcare thrust upon them

and as for 'well I wont help the grandparents when they get older but I will accept any inheritance they leave me' that is up to them

What about the other paternal grandparents?

Bloody hell, if my DD had a baby, my world would revolve around her for at least a few months.

YANBU

My parents were on a Caribbean cruise during the birth of my daughter

And they didn't visit me (albeit abroad) till three months later (cruise lasted 2 weeks)

WTF!

Honestly & I know I’ll get roasted for this but I would be unavailable any time they needed me in the future. And yes, I do mean in old age and ill health and dotage, I would not do pick ups, drop offs or prescriptions etc.
what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
they are doing their thing which is their right.
you do yours when then time comes and it will, it bloody will.

Oh and I would be in NO hurry to invite them round for the big photo op either. Selfish idiots.

It seems a bit harsh that you’re only annoyed at your mum when it sounds like both your parents will be away. Why is more always expected from mums than dads?

Anyway yes I’d be disappointed at this given they booked it after knowing the due date.

No. The world doesn’t.

But most parents would want to be there to support their daughter.

For those who assume parents will look after other DC when you go into labour are you expecting them not to go anywhere for 5 week window, I don’t mean abroad but literally stay at home waiting by the phone, not having a drink so able to drive to get to you at a minute’s notice. What if they still work? What if they plan to visit another town to see a show, with phone off? Would that be okay?

Surely, you plan to have a variety of people you can ask, not just your mum (and why only your mum not your dad) to possibly be available for babysitting duty.

Yes it does seem slightly strange to book those particular weeks but maybe they have read MN and realise that MILs have a raw deal and maybe they are giving PILs chance to be involved this time and they will be available after due date.

Big photo OP. Who does this? 😂

Anyway it's not to do with meeting the grandchild or being there for the birth, it's the free childcare of the existing child the OP is after.

They are back before your due date? Also my second baby arrived in 20 minutes so even at their home they would have been no help to me 40 minutes away! 🤣

I feel again all of this is logical but misses what a genuine loving relationship actually is. I just don't think it occurred to my parents to not prioritise the births of their grandchildren. Just like when my mum was in hospital I didn't go 'oh, I'll check my calendar' - I dropped everything to go. No one had to or was obliged to prioritise the other, but I am so very glad we do.

Or, to put it another way, looking after their grandchild as they go through a huge transition and ensuring that their daughter can be supported by her partner as she gives birth.

I really didn't expect this to get so many posts! To address some of the frequently asked things:

Why is the expectation on your mum not your dad? My parents divorced when I was a child and my mums partner is not my dad, my dad died during covid. So when I say 'parents' I'm referring to my mum and her partner.

Why not give birth by yourself?
I find this so weird. I'm not sure whether it's a generational thing? It's not normal to give birth by yourself and my husband wants to be there. What did you do with your older kids? Because I stayed with my grandparents when my siblings were born.....

I fully appreciate that my parents have worked hard, had their kids and should get to fully enjoy their retirement years. There is no expectation on them to provide free regular childcare, they have watched my son twice in 3 years. I just think that the arrival of a grandchild is a bit outside of ad hoc childcare and warrants some support and you'd want to be around for it?

If they have watched your child twice in 3 years it probably never occurred to them that you would be relying on them for looking after them. Strange that you assumed they would. Do you see them often, do you have other people who usually baby sit?

I reject your help. Brutally.

For those who assume parents will look after other DC when you go into labour are you expecting them not to go anywhere for 5 week window, I don’t mean abroad but literally stay at home waiting by the phone, not having a drink so able to drive to get to you at a minute’s notice. What if they still work? What if they plan to visit another town to see a show, with phone off? Would that be okay?

Surely, you plan to have a variety of people you can ask, not just your mum (and why only your mum not your dad) to possibly be available for babysitting duty.

This is what I am thinking.
When I had my dc, I had several people I would have called upon to ensure that my dh could be with me.

I still think the parents have arranged to be in the country at the time they are most likely to be needed. They can't be expected to be constantly 'available' for 5 weeks or more. That should hardly have been expected from you if they have only looked after your dc1 twice in 3 years.

Of course you're being unreasonable she's not obligated to look after your child that's for you to sort out .
Did you even ask her to look after dc1 or just assume she would

A fine, thoughtful and appropriate reaction.

I would be hurt as it makes them seem uninterested at such an important time.

I don't understand, why do your parents have to be at your beck and call. You are having the baby, your choice. I would not expect my parents to do anything unless l had made arrangements with them....

How unexpected and awful for you

Absolutely agree! And I would never even book a holiday if my brother & wife were to have a baby (let alone my own daughter) just incase they needed extra help. Also, I wouldn't want to miss out on seeing a family baby (should they want me too!).. Serious FOMO!