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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed mum is on holiday over 2nd babys due date?

249 replies

Mumblebumble1 · 06/05/2025 15:03

My parents split their time between the UK (40 mins away) and Spain.

My second baby is due on 19th July, they have booked to be in Spain from 3rd -18th July. They booked this since finding out the due date. They book flights around £25 each way, so could easily rearrange but won't.

I'm not really sure now what to do with DS when I go into labour. AIBU to expect my mum to be around to look after DS when I'm in hospital?

Just feeling really let down by my parents!

OP posts:
OurManyEnds · 06/05/2025 15:38

Ddakji · 06/05/2025 15:32

I take it your partner isn’t on the scene?

I must say, booking it on those days once they knew the due day does seem quite pointed, unless it’s a genuine oversight.

Have you spoken to them about it?

Presumably the OP wants her partner there while she gives birth though, and not looking after their eldest?

faerietales · 06/05/2025 15:40

jinglejanglejungles · 06/05/2025 15:20

YANBU of course but it’s popular on MN to faint at the idea of giving and receiving support from your family (you know, like functional happy families do)

But it appears that OP didn’t even ask.

I’m all for giving and receiving support but you should still check that it’s okay rather than just assuming the support will be there whenever you need it.

SomeDanceToForget · 06/05/2025 15:41

How is your relationship with them usually? Had you asked them to be around for those dates to look after your child?

SomeDanceToForget · 06/05/2025 15:42

Ddakji · 06/05/2025 15:32

I take it your partner isn’t on the scene?

I must say, booking it on those days once they knew the due day does seem quite pointed, unless it’s a genuine oversight.

Have you spoken to them about it?

I presume OP would want her partner with her, and her partner wants to be there, when she gives birth.

Lentilweaver · 06/05/2025 15:45

Personally, I would always be there for the birth, asked or not.
I am generally on the side of GPs, but this time I am on your side!

Isometimeswonder · 06/05/2025 15:48

PopThatBench · 06/05/2025 15:14

If you’d like some perspective to make you less pissed off, I’m due on 14th July and my Mum suddenly died 6 weeks ago, so she’s definitely out of the running to look after my DD when I go into labour.
I’ll look after your child if you look after mine 😅

I'm sorry for your loss at this time x

Original poster
Mumblebumble1 · 06/05/2025 15:49

Thank you so much all for your responses, think its always great to get different views!

I think the issue is that I assumed they would be here. I come from a group of friends who have a lot of family support whose parents wouldn't miss the arrival of a grandchild, and my husbands family would be here no questions asked if they lived closer (they live 5 hours away). I know that if it was my child I would be around on stand by.

@PhilippaGeorgiou That wasn't the case for us, my parents came over the day after my son was born and were very welcome

@Ddakji @blackgreenandgrey DS dad is still around and is amazing, but I do want him at the birth and he would be devastated not to be there

I think I will reach out to some friends to see if they can watch DS until the PIL arrive, or hope that it all aligns with a nursery day for DS!

OP posts:
Biffbaff · 06/05/2025 15:51

5 hours may well be enough time for your in laws to take over. I'd have them on standby especially if you need an overnight sitter for your eldest.

tinygingermum · 06/05/2025 15:53

If you didn’t ask them then you are being unreasonable to just expect them to be there to babysit. My mum is away for my due date and yes it’s shit because I will have to give birth alone, but plenty of people do the same.

FlowerUser · 06/05/2025 15:53

Your baby might be a couple of days late. Maybe they thought it would be nice to come back and see the baby immediately after they arrived?

Smilesinthesunshine · 06/05/2025 15:53

PopThatBench · 06/05/2025 15:14

If you’d like some perspective to make you less pissed off, I’m due on 14th July and my Mum suddenly died 6 weeks ago, so she’s definitely out of the running to look after my DD when I go into labour.
I’ll look after your child if you look after mine 😅

So sorry to hear that, I hope you are okay. This must be a really tough time for you. I know how you feel as I lost my parents just before the birth of my first child. Please ignore that other mean and nasty poster!

Original poster
Mumblebumble1 · 06/05/2025 15:54

PopThatBench · 06/05/2025 15:14

If you’d like some perspective to make you less pissed off, I’m due on 14th July and my Mum suddenly died 6 weeks ago, so she’s definitely out of the running to look after my DD when I go into labour.
I’ll look after your child if you look after mine 😅

@PopThatBench I'm so sorry for your loss, that's truly awful. Such a terrible thing to happen when you're already so vulnerable, hope you have some support around you ❤

OP posts:
AmusedGoose · 06/05/2025 15:55

Does she read mumsnet? If so she may just be giving you space to. One with new baby. Most modern new mothers banish everyone for months. Do you have a good relationship generally?

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 06/05/2025 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What an awful thing to say!

BIossomtoes · 06/05/2025 15:58

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 06/05/2025 15:57

What an awful thing to say!

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Isn’t it just. Absolutely brutal. So sorry for your loss @PopThatBench. 💐

teetly · 06/05/2025 15:58

I would ask your husbands parents to come and support you as your own might not be around when you need them.

Xmasbaby11 · 06/05/2025 16:02

That is disappointing. There is a chance they will be back before the birth of course but you will need a plan B, someone to call if you have someone will to take your DC1. I would always want DP with me for the birth and don't know anyone who hasn't felt the same and made it happen (unless it was completely unavoidable).

I would mention it to your parents and say you're a bit disappointed as you don't have anyone obvious to ask (if that's true) and you were hoping they would step in. I actually think it's surprising they have done it. My DP, who hardly do anything and were further away and elderly, made an effort to be available to have DD1. They may just say sorry, we did consider it but just really wanted to go at that time because x and y. If you are close and they support you a lot, you should be able to have that conversation.

MiddleAgedDread · 06/05/2025 16:02

You should have asked them to be around when you told them your due date if you need childcare! Have you offered to pay to change their flights?

Bluevelvetsofa · 06/05/2025 16:03

We were happy to look after our granddaughter when our grandson was born. The difference is that we were asked in advance and knew when to be on standby.

Ddakji · 06/05/2025 16:11

Mumblebumble1 · 06/05/2025 15:49

Thank you so much all for your responses, think its always great to get different views!

I think the issue is that I assumed they would be here. I come from a group of friends who have a lot of family support whose parents wouldn't miss the arrival of a grandchild, and my husbands family would be here no questions asked if they lived closer (they live 5 hours away). I know that if it was my child I would be around on stand by.

@PhilippaGeorgiou That wasn't the case for us, my parents came over the day after my son was born and were very welcome

@Ddakji @blackgreenandgrey DS dad is still around and is amazing, but I do want him at the birth and he would be devastated not to be there

I think I will reach out to some friends to see if they can watch DS until the PIL arrive, or hope that it all aligns with a nursery day for DS!

Yes, of course - not thinking properly, doh!

Ddakji · 06/05/2025 16:11

OurManyEnds · 06/05/2025 15:38

Presumably the OP wants her partner there while she gives birth though, and not looking after their eldest?

Show quote history

Yes, of course - doh!

Grammarnut · 06/05/2025 16:11

TheNightingalesStarling · 06/05/2025 15:16

Did they realise that due date meant any time in July? They have been timing this trip to be back in time...

Surely any woman who has had a child knows that the EDD is not exact. Funny story. First time mother knew her due date. It was the day after her car was to be MoT'd, so she took the car off to the garage wondering what the strange, rather rythmic contractions she was getting were. Must be Braxton-Hicks as due date not till tomorrow...

LilacMay · 06/05/2025 16:12

You should of asked, never assume.

But deep down I know my parents and in laws wouldn’t go on holiday over my due date too.

Ddakji · 06/05/2025 16:12

SomeDanceToForget · 06/05/2025 15:42

I presume OP would want her partner with her, and her partner wants to be there, when she gives birth.

Show quote history

Yes, of course <slinks off embarrassedly>

CarpetKnees · 06/05/2025 16:16

I think the issue is that I assumed they would be here.

Quite. Glad you have acknowledged that.

I know that if it was my child I would be around on stand by.

You don't know that at all, You think you will want to. There's lots of things I thought in my 20s and 30s that I realise I don't think the same about in my 60s. You might still feel that way, but equally, you might not.