AIBU to be annoyed mum is on holiday over 2nd babys due date?

[Mumblebumble1]

My parents split their time between the UK (40 mins away) and Spain.

My second baby is due on 19th July, they have booked to be in Spain from 3rd -18th July. They booked this since finding out the due date. They book flights around £25 each way, so could easily rearrange but won't.

I'm not really sure now what to do with DS when I go into labour. AIBU to expect my mum to be around to look after DS when I'm in hospital?

Just feeling really let down by my parents!

I was at the birth of my first GC and the second, the third we were on holiday, do to fly back 2 days before the birth, but baby was early so I missed it as she was born the day we flew home. Actually she gave birth at home before ambulance arrived so her dad my ex delivered the baby, I'm glad I didn't have to do that, my mum when I had my baby at 16, 6 weeks early as I had pre-eclampsia, wasn't around she was away with her fella as she had left my dad, so i feel I didn't have any support, and did feel bad I hadn't made the birth.

Yeah I'd be annoyed. I can't understand the reasoning tbh. My mum missed a holiday as it was during my due date as she wanted to be there for me.

@Biffbaff It appears that many people agreed with my sentiment, and your original post has ‘disappeared’.
I think it’s pretty obvious that your post was offensive.

I’d reply and say well I can’t guarantee when baby will arrive so will have to make another plan to look after older child so that your partner can accompany you for the birth. Yes you’ve got every right to feel upset. Given they go there a lot and flights are cheap, they could have accommodated this.

Ooo the "cross your legs" comment has pissed me off

Yeah, I would just assume my parents would be there at a significant moment in my life!! But that's just my family.
You are not wrong to be upset op

My parents were on a cruise when DS was born. I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking them not to go. My choice to have kids, my job to manage them.

They’ll meet their DGC in good time, and hopefully make all the right noises.
I think you should also take note that they’re sending you a message, they won’t prioritise your childcare needs over their own lives. I think it’s good that they’re setting boundaries now, though I appreciate the timing could
have been better for you.

I hope all goes well with the birth.

Yes I did think it would be an unpopular opinion. I stand by it though. OP and other posters have a right to a space to discuss problems with their mums without being made to feel guilty about that.

I think most schools break up on the 18th July, I know mine do. I imagine they haven't thought properly about it and have just thought they'd go and come back before the school summer holidays. If the flights are only £25 can't your parents just come back a bit earlier if need be?

You are not unreasonable their new grandchild is arriving and their current one needs looking after. They can go away a week earlier to ensure they are back. Sorry. But it’s selfish. You need help. In 20 years time they will expect you to ferry them to appointments. You get that help by helping out now.

Omg. How selfish. When they are 80 tell them to cross their legs if they need to go to a doctors appointment.
My Mum was also selfish and now I find it really hard helping her out. She actually says that she helped me loads. She did not.

do they help a lot when they are around? Hoping so. X

Oh, I tried to make light of it by saying I’ll have her child if she can have mine, I have a dark sense of humour to cope with loss and I forget the internet doesn’t know me.
For example, it’s my birthday today and my brother’s been taken to hospital by ambulance with a suspected stroke… I said he just had to make today about him didn’t he…
I didn’t mean to hijack OP’s thread, sorry.

I don’t get why you didn’t ask them? They aren’t mind readers. They probably assumed you’ve got it covered as you didn’t ask them and then figure they can meet the baby as soon as they are back.

My mum would definitely be offended that I hadn’t asked her! She wouldn’t be the type to offer, she’d wait to be asked.

I can’t believe parents expect a formal invite to support their daughter through her labour.

Disgusting.

Was your first DC late, by any chance? They might well assume that if the first came late then the second will too (which was the case with all of mine), and therefore they will be home in plenty of time. But they also may have assumed that, since you didn't ask them to look after your DC while you were in labour, that you had made alternative arrangements, which might have made them feel a little bit hurt, so they decided to go on holiday as a bit of 'well, if you don't need us we might as well not be there.'

I’m a granny and absolutely wouldn’t do this, although I’m the one living 3 hours away whereas DDIL’s mum lives round the corner.

When I went in labour with DS2, DH rang my parents to have DS1, and my mum said “ooh we can’t come today because we’re painting her brother’s front room.” Fortunately a kind neighbour had him, I had a very quick labour so we didn’t intrude too long.

Aww, so sorry for you both 💐

Oh gosh you're really having a time of it! Genuinely I also didn't mean to personally attack, I was a bit too quick to fire so to speak on a subject that is close to home for me. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy. And OP's. And happy birthday!

💐

It was brutal. HTH.

It’s shit and odd of them.

But you will get flamed on MN for expecting support from family during childbirth.

my entire extended family went on holiday over my due date (leaving only me and DH and my daughter out), we had a 1yo at home and I nearly bled to death in childbirth and had to spend most of my (very unwell) week on the postnatal ward alone. I was a bit upset that they’d all decided to bugger off on a jolly when I may have needed support. I asked about it on here at the time and got absolutely flamed…. So don’t expect any sense that relates to RL from the vipers nest.

You could try putting together a shortlist of close friends / people available at short notice. Perhaps look into emergency Nannies and pre discuss with a couple of them. Xx

And presumably they will understand being fairly low down on the ops list of priorities when they are elderly and in need of help.

Assume they don’t want to be and make your own plans with someone else who can help.

This is what I always think, yes maybe OP could have explicitly asked, but my mum would probably keep the month before and after clear just in case without me even thinking of asking!

Heck, when my younger nephew was born and unexpectedly had a heart condition and a long stay in hospital, my older nephew was moved in for well over a month no questions asked!

Mumsnet will tell you you're in the wrong because it's Mumsnet, but irl most people would not do this. My parents would never do this, and if I'm lucky enough to have grandchildren one day, neither would I.