AIBU to be annoyed mum is on holiday over 2nd babys due date?

[Mumblebumble1]

My parents split their time between the UK (40 mins away) and Spain.

My second baby is due on 19th July, they have booked to be in Spain from 3rd -18th July. They booked this since finding out the due date. They book flights around £25 each way, so could easily rearrange but won't.

I'm not really sure now what to do with DS when I go into labour. AIBU to expect my mum to be around to look after DS when I'm in hospital?

Just feeling really let down by my parents!

I would be upset too. Could you offer to buy the new plane tickets for them? If not I am sure others will want to help out and could your DP'a parents come to stay with you for a few weeks over the due date, so they will probably be there ( then have some back up local friends if the baby comes early).

Hope all goes well

I'm a Nanny....I wouldn't even thing about any time away from a daughter...who was expecting a new baby...especially if there was another grandchild to help with...ps I work 4 days a week....help with a elderly parent....but offer my two days off....to look after my two grandchildren....ps the best DAYS in my week 🥰

I presume they want to be st the birth

Oh thank you, sorry I meant it to come across more lighthearted than it did, I didn’t mean to hijack your thread 😂
I hope your parents make it back in time to help you with your little one x

Normal parents would want to help and expect too. I wouldn't have to ask my parents. Nor would my children have to ask me. It is an expectation that a close family help each other out

Thank you ❤️ my family has been through a lot so we all have quite dark humour so I intended my comment to be more lighthearted than its come across (it’s our way of coping… unhealthily).
I can’t see what @Biffbaff wrote as it’s been deleted (so I’m assuming it was rude).
I hope OP has it all sorted in time for baby’s arrival though ☺️ x

Genuinely don’t think this is something I would have to ask my mum, she would just do it.

My dc certainly wouldn't need to ask me not to go on holiday when their babies were due. I wouldn't impose but I'd make sure I was available (as much as logistically possible) in case they needed/wanted me.

But I can see their thinking being

.. they've got a property in Spain and obviously want to use it as much as they can
... they have arranged it to make sure they are home when you will need the help - ie, after you've had the baby

Yes, the baby might come early, but equally, the baby might come late, and they've been sitting there for two weeks unnecessarily.
The fact this isn't the only two weeks they are away is relevant. The OP says "they split their time between Spain and the UK", so my reading is that they have made sure they are in the UK during the time the OP is likely to need the most help.

But everyone is different - one way isn't automatically better than the other.

My mother outright refused to be on hand when I went into labour with my second, so I sympathise. When I looked into it at the time our best options were a babysitter, a doula or a neighbour. In the end my in-laws stepped up but it was extremely stressful and my relationship with my mother has never quite recovered.

I would ask them to rearrange it. My parents don’t help out much with childcare, but I wouldn’t think twice before asking for this. It’s only £25. My parents would not want me to give birth without my husband!

But they’re not mind-readers. You have to ask. Failing that, I would ask siblings or close friends.

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum very recently (on Easter Monday) so I understand what you are going through. ❤️

If they’re normally helpful and you have a good relationship, just ask them if they could come back earlier. Offer to pay for their flights. No biggie.

It's hard, because you're effectively asking them to put plans on hold for a month as baby could very easily be born a couple of weeks either side of your due date.

Can your in laws travel down and stay while your parents are away? We had a rota going with my mum and mother in law that one of them stayed with us from when things were getting close. As it was baby number 2 was 13 days late, so a lot of hanging around. But, once labour started, it was very quick so we were very glad to be able to just grab the bags and go to the hospital.

Your back up plan of friends on standby also sounds very sensible.

What about your DP’s parents?

No way my mum would have missed any of my births. She was there to care for us for all 3 of my children, as was her mum for her when I was born, as I will be for all my children when my grandchildren (god blessing) are born. Every other religion and culture, the grandparents play a huge and vital role in the birth of the grandchildren. For some reason British women are just expected to get on with it with no support and be back at work a few weeks later. YANBU to expect to be able to rely on your own parents. I’d be hugely upset and pissed off!!

Which parent wouldn't put their plans on hold for a month for the birth of a grandchild? I'd not go anywhere for 6 months!

You didn't specifically say to them to be available and you know they split their time between the UK and Spain so I think YABU for making the assumption.
Maybe they didn't want to seem to be interfering and as you didn't ask them, they didn't feel the need to be around in the build up to your due date and maybe thought you had made plans with the ILs or someone else.

My mum went to visit my sister in Hong Kong when my second baby was due. We just asked MIL to step up instead.

Well done parents for establishing healthy boundaries. This is literally done by MN rule book 1. healthy boundaries 2. parents should not come unannounced 3. parents should not offer unwanted help 4. twice a month is enough for visitation 5 they should not stay with dgc unsupervised, as old dears are prone to give them non-organic food, etc. 5. boundaries.

What did your Mum say about the holiday when you had (presumably) asked her to look after DS while you were in labour? If you hadn’t asked her, you don’t really have any reason to suppose she’d expect to be asked. If you were taking it for granted that she’d do it, might she be making a point that she deserves some appreciation? Obviously I’m making a lot of assumptions here and sorry if I’m way off the mark.

heh, I did see the other post. It's hard to know what to do sometimes!
I'd still stand by for births, though.

Why don’t you have your in-laws stay about 3 days before your due date and that will give you peace of mind that they’ll already be there? If you go into labour any earlier have a friend lined up for the 5/6 hours it would take for them to get there. Just ask that they have bags packed to dash if needs be?
Dont feel bad about your mum, they are entitled to have holidays before the flights jump up because schools break up.
Just to give you some peace of mind (and yes, sheer luck?), I’ve had 4 children and every single one was late, only ranging 1-4 days, so there’s a very good chance your mum will be home anyway! Just get yourself prepared and I’m sure it will all work out.

My mum lived 40 mins away when my second child was born. via c-section. It was left up to my DH to juggle looking after our first child and being self employed with client commitments that absolutely could not be changed.

She came to visit in hospital once, and that was it. She was retired and fit as a fiddle. She just chose not to be involved or help. I was on crutches with SPD which did not resolve after delivery.

Sometimes it makes no difference where your parents are located at the time of birth 🤷🏻‍♀️