Hen plans in tatters - friends have gone behind my back

[Dayna87]

I’m getting married later this year. Hen plans firmly in the hands of my best friend - location agreed with me but I’m not in the group chat and she’s leading on booking etc.

They’ve got to the point of needing to book flights/hotels and five of the attendees have said they need to pull out due to cost despite confirming initially they were happy with it. The price has not gone up other than it being agreed we’d book beds at a beach club I’m keen on going to which adds an extra little bit.

These friends all posted on the group chat at the same time so clearly have spoken with each other to say they won’t go now. None of them thought to speak to me first and let me know personally. My friend organising says this causes issues with the cost of accommodation now so we are having to re-think.

I am seriously pissed off. Would I be wrong to say they can no longer attend the wedding?

Can’t you do something they can all afford, like a meal and drinks/ afternoon tea/ night in with wine and takeaway and have the holiday with just a couple of friends or your mum? Seems no big deal to me, they can’t help it if they can’t afford it

Nikki beach is lovely, enjoy x

😳😳😳😳

Wow. Just wow. Are you usually totally devoid of empathy or...? I'm going to take a very wild guess and say that perhaps you've been exhibiting some batshit bridezilla behaviour outside of The Hen Do and your friends who decided en masse not to attend are quite frankly fucked off with it.

Why Ibiza and why Blue Marlin - so many nicer places to go to?

Presume cost was a big factor!

Nailed it. Even if they could afford all the bells and whistles, they may want to choose what they spend their own money on and not have it dictated to them. That's what people often fail to grasp with these things. Being bewildered by drop outs or lack of interest when you know your friends don't lack the funds is entirely missing the point.

I was once invited to the south of France for five days in a very swish coastal resort for a friend's 50th. We could afford it easily, we just didn't want to go. It would have involved taking several days off work to spend it with a bunch of other people, most of whom we knew reasonably well but they were her friends, not ours. We don't even like going on holiday with our own friends much, let alone somebody else's. We just wouldn't choose to spend five solid days with that group, in France or anywhere else. There were so many other places we'd rather be, just the two of us, for the money that would have cost. And to just go for a couple of nights seemed like too much of a faff to be worth it.

This was no reflection on what I thought of my dear friend, but I am not that much of a martyr, sorry. My time on holiday is precious. I needs to be wisely spent doing stuff I want to do.

They are spending a large amount of a poor quality place with not great service. It’s one of those places (according to DD and her friends) which needs to close and be revamped as its model isn’t working.

To be fair to @Dayna87 your daughter and her friends aren't the authority on it, though. Different people like different things. It has ever been thus.

It’s not an unusual opinion on the place. The OP seems to want a particular atmosphere which she isn’t likely to get at Blue Marlin.

Wow. It's a while since I've seen a complete Mumsnet wedding bingo list.
Asking for people to pay for you would be the last straw for me.

Regardless, that's surely her prerogative! The issue was her friends not wanting to pay out so much extra than what was first discussed. I think anyway, she never actually specified how the talk went, only that her fiance is now footing the bill.

If that's what she wants, it doesn't matter if a thousand other people think it's not good. I personally don't like the place but if your daughter's opinion was universal, it wouldn't be open for business!

I don't think it's unreasonable for your friends to pull out.

You say they are all high earners with little commitments, but you really never truly know someone's financial situation.

And a financial situation can change quickly for the worse.

OP clearly stated that costs have NOT went up.

Yes, but they did go up when including the very pricey beach club. Didn't you read the thread?

Except they have - the cost of the beds at the beach club... For some reason she seems to think the minimum spend doesn't count, but obviously it does really. OP has been bending the truth

The problem your facing her OP is you’ve let on that you have money. You’re not allowed problems on MN unless you are on the breadline. You will also face a lot of personal attacks.

This is the one and only post by @Whogoncheckmeb00 on the whole on MN.... me thinks it's one of OP's bridal party trying to deflect.

Two hen do's! I don't understand why people want to have these expensive do's. Weddings are costly enough without all this. It's easy if you can afford to do all this but your friends may not be in the same position. Have a lovely weekend in the UK and be done with it!

Given your responses, I think you may be buddhist and have been re-incarnated from a sperm whale. (alluding to skin thickness)

Agree with @Neely

"Guess they just aren’t that into you then" Take the hint.

If your well rumunerated "gym girlies" have now withdrawn, (and by your own admission, unlikely to be financial).

I do hope you don't expect them to change their minds because fiancé will pay for the beds. There's obviously more going on in your "friendship" group.

It may, however, be an ideal opportunity for some introspection perhaps? Would that be achievable for you, do you think?

You are confident that you will have 2 fabulous hen do's, a spectacular wedding with a wonderful marriage and if you're fortunate enough to think the world revolves, solely around you, then all will be well in your world.

Enjoy

eta; punctuation

It's actually irrelevant if your friends don't need to worry about money. The issue is that they get to decide what they spend their money on – and clearly they don't want to plunk down ££££ on your hen night.

put

us

out

of the misery of this thread

Please