Hen plans in tatters - friends have gone behind my back

[Dayna87]

I’m getting married later this year. Hen plans firmly in the hands of my best friend - location agreed with me but I’m not in the group chat and she’s leading on booking etc.

They’ve got to the point of needing to book flights/hotels and five of the attendees have said they need to pull out due to cost despite confirming initially they were happy with it. The price has not gone up other than it being agreed we’d book beds at a beach club I’m keen on going to which adds an extra little bit.

These friends all posted on the group chat at the same time so clearly have spoken with each other to say they won’t go now. None of them thought to speak to me first and let me know personally. My friend organising says this causes issues with the cost of accommodation now so we are having to re-think.

I am seriously pissed off. Would I be wrong to say they can no longer attend the wedding?

I do hope this thread is just a wind up because otherwise it’s fucking nuts! 🤣

Maybe some of your friends have started to add up what they have spent on hen dos over the years and it's making them feel a little bit sick when they realise it could have paid for their own wedding or house deposit OP.

Maybe this relentless keeping up with the Joneses is starting to take its toll on them?

It doesn't really matter who did what for whom in the past.

You still don't get to dictate that your friends spend thousands on your hen do and wedding.

That does sound unreasonable - people don’t need to attend both of my hens and the UK one is paid for.

Then why are you complaining about people not wanting to attend the expensive Ibiza one?

You say they don't need to attend both, so why are you so bothered about people not attending the expensive one?

The reasons are going to be multiple people can't go and some I bet they won't share

Could be the novelty of going away as a group is wearing thin now they've done it a few times within the group and therefore they are prioritising their finances/annual leave elsewhere

Could be A can't go due to X reason and B isn't going anymore cos they were only going because they are closest to A / were comfortable sharing a room with them

Or a whole load of other reasons.

All that matters is they can't / don't want to anymore and that is fine, it is a big ask of people financially and practically to go abroad for a hen party. Just because you chose, with your own free will, to go to theirs doesn't mean the are obligated to go to yours.

Guess they just aren’t that into you then. Take the hint.

If they can’t afford it they cannot afford it. You will need to change plans.

I can understand the feelings of hurt this caused - a mass pullout of guests to a ‘milestone’ event that is important to you is bound to be hurtful. I have recently being try to employ a ‘mindful gap’ in situations like this. Try not to have a knee jerk reaction. Leave the solutions until you are in a better frame of mind.

My guess is the ‘beach club’ has been the final straw. A lovely weekend away in a villa with friends (or similar) is very different to then being expected to go to a beach club for the day, It is not just the cost of the beds. Places like that can make a lot of people feel uncomfortable and out of place - full of influencers and people wanting to be ‘seen’. It changes the vibe. Drinks and food will be exorbitant - they reel you in by discounting these costs from the ‘bed’ but you will be paying +++ for very average drinks and food.

They don't "need" to attend either of your hens or indeed your wedding. You extended an invitation to these things, people can accept and decline such invitations at any time! Especially with the escalating costs and entitlement that seem tied up in yours.

With one of them there may be a hint of jealousy. She has been desperate for a proposal but her ex cheated on her at the end of last year and they broke up. She has made the odd catty comment so I wonder if that’s something to do with it.

Blue Marlin isn’t like that - O Beach is, yes, and we’ve grown out of that sort of thing.

No hint of compassion for a friend clearly struggling...

What kind of catty comment has she made?

The price of absolutely everything is rising OP. I shopped in Tesco yesterday and was shocked how much it's gone up in the last month only. Life has got more expensive very very quickly and this was bound to happen. Yes you would utterly unreasonable to behave like this because of it. Have a hen night. Nobody needs all this extra hassle and cost. Good luck.

Have you been before because it is like that.

'The done thing'
😂😂😂😂

Yeah, that will be it. They are jealous of you 🤣.

Wow. You don't sound like a good friend. No wonder she doesn't want to spend her holiday budget on your hen!

My point was that the initial 'flights and accomodation' costs ended up spiralling to 3x that amount. I imagine your hens are seeing the same thing happen - probably having been stung before by the costs of these types of trips. Again you have no idea what they have spent travelling to your wedding, hotels, gifts, outfits - it all adds up. You cannot be annoyed that someone else does not want to spend their budget on you.

From their site; Blue Marlin Ibiza

just for clarity 😆

"BIG BEDS: €100 hire fee (€20 hire fee + €80 amenities) PLUS €500 minimum spend per big bed from Monday to Sunday. We require the full amount (€600) deposit per bed in advance (within 24h) to secure the booking"

Now moot though, as fiancé is now covering this cost

So may have not been just €50 extra per person as @Dayna87 alluded to?

Was the wedding abroad too though?

Wow who needs enemies when they have friends like you. What an unnecessary bitchy comment

Your demeanour has came out strong in your posts and I can start to see why there are drop outs happening

After a painful break up like that it could be very hard to be around people, especially when you're meant to be happy and celebrating. She might just not have the headspace to deal with going away socially for that long. Some empathy for that situation is ideal.

It was in Scotland, which by the time that travel, accommodation etc was taken into account I expect would be more expensive than my Wedding given the favourable rates we have secured for accommodation.