Hen plans in tatters - friends have gone behind my back

[Dayna87]

I’m getting married later this year. Hen plans firmly in the hands of my best friend - location agreed with me but I’m not in the group chat and she’s leading on booking etc.

They’ve got to the point of needing to book flights/hotels and five of the attendees have said they need to pull out due to cost despite confirming initially they were happy with it. The price has not gone up other than it being agreed we’d book beds at a beach club I’m keen on going to which adds an extra little bit.

These friends all posted on the group chat at the same time so clearly have spoken with each other to say they won’t go now. None of them thought to speak to me first and let me know personally. My friend organising says this causes issues with the cost of accommodation now so we are having to re-think.

I am seriously pissed off. Would I be wrong to say they can no longer attend the wedding?

I agree with this. There's a huge problem on MN with people giving advice, not on OP's actual circumstance, but on what they would or would not do.

It doesn't matter if people think an Ibiza hen do is the embodiment of tacky, the issue was that it had become more than what her friends had originally agreed to. They seemed happy enough to celebrate in Ibiza. They accepted invitations to the wedding in Marbella or wherever it is. I posted that the extras were potentially the root of the problem, not that she's the world's most entitled bride for daring to leave the country. That's not for anyone here to decide and it's not what she was posting about!

Couldn't agree more. I don't think I have ever read a thread where someone comes across as more clueless and insufferable. Still, now that your fiance is paying, all is well, eh? Are you putting your hand in your pocket for anything, just out of curiosity?

thats because so many women want the hen do be reminiscent of an influencer brand trip. Sorry these are your normal mates with normal jobs, they don't want to spend 3k on a long weekend in Spain.

trying to replicate a trip someone got for a free or was a multi-millionaire.

But she's perfectly happy to judge her 'friends' for spending money on things she thinks should be spent on her hen do abroad, e.g. the flash car comments. It's massive double standards. Also, why come on an AIBU thread and then not listen to a word anyone says?

Sorry, you've got two hen weekends? Jesus wept

I was sympathetic until you revealed there’s a second hen do in the uk. Of course people are going to prefer to go to that one.

And f#@k everyone else.

Oh my god give your head a wobble. Your friends aren’t jealous, you are entitled. How much have you cried to your fiancé to get them to ‘treat’ you to the beds?!

Maybe people were keen and happy to go to the hen originally, but then when they started booking flights and accommodation, arranging child and pet care, transport to and from the airport, booking annual leave etc for the wedding they realised how expensive and time consuming it was all getting. Holidays often sound cheaper when you're scoping them out but once you start booking things the extra little costs all start adding up.

I think asking people to go to both a hen and a wedding abroad is too much personally. I know you say they could say no from the start but often people don't want to let their friends down and they just hope they'll be keep the costs and time commitments down. Weddings are expensive enough to attend as it is.

If I told you how much my fiancé’s stag is costing everyone I think some of you would have a heart attack 😂

Have you spoken to any of the 5 OP?

I asked this earlier. What have I ignored?

Lots of posters are getting all worked up and I’ve been called all sorts, but I’ve answered any repeated questions/points.

I also love how I’ve apparently got an Instagram addiction, I think I’ve posted on there once in the past two years and that was a photo of my dog 😂

Yea I think it’s nearly sorted just waiting for confirmation from my friend x

per your updates OP i'd have a chat and check all is good with your mates then let it go.

it might be £ but it also might not be.
tbh my group would probably do something like this, but we would've paid already! the trick is to get everyone to pay a deposit EARLY so it limits drop outs. Or book the flights accom a year in advance

Are you all millionaires OP? (Genuine question)

Are lots of the hens and stags coupled up? I'm wondering if the prohibitive cost of BOTH hen, stag and wedding is just too much for some. They might not like you that much to bankrupt themselves!

Only one couple and her OH really doesn’t need to worry about money.

I think we’d be going somewhere a bit more exotic than Ibiza if that was the case!

Out of interest, did you find out why they were going to pull out?

Yeah definitely a lessen learnt if I’m planning a hen in the future for a friend. Just annoying as my friends are usually reliable with these sort of things x

I really don't think anyone on here is that interested how much it costs.

I spend almost all my salary on holidays but I don't have a mortgage anymore and not in any debt. Obviously I'm much older that you but if you also have no mortgage or anything better to spend your money on then spend (waste) thousands on your hen doooos and wedding.

Personally I think it's lunacy- when I was your age I'd rather spend thousands paying my mortgage down but everyone is different.

It 's unfair to expect your friends to spend that too. YOU are not the centre of their world

Yeah I'd love to know this! What did they say when you spoke to them?

Hey, just chipping in re beach clubs.

Im organising an ibiza hen, We eventually went with Nikki beach but researching it all ive been told Blue marlin is only really good on a sunday and also been told its an absolute fortune to the extent 2 separate groups i know said they left early because of the amount they were spending.

Nikki beach is 100 euro each there is 16 of us, if i remember correctly 500 euro needs to be spend on a specific bottle of alcohol ( dont ask me why its a riot) and the rest goes on food so it does feel more cost effective and looks like a lovely beach club.

Tacky and very unpleasant.

I started thinking the OP was unreasonable but kind of love that she’s carried on updating and unapologetically candid instead of disappearing or being emotional and defensive.

It’s not the usual mumsnet way but I really respect it.