DH embarrassed and blaming me

Dreco · 2025-05-06T05:37:28+00:00

Currently in Italy. Yesterday DH and I went to the pier, it was pretty isolated, just a couple of men fishing. I saw a cave type thing with some statues inside it so we went to have a look however as we made our way towards it the ground became quite overgrown and difficult so I said he should go ahead and I’ll wait here for him. Told him to take photos. As I headed back I passed a couple who surprisingly spoke English (first English speaking people I’d spoken to since arriving). We exchanged pleasantries and then the woman went ahead to the cave - her DH held back like I did. a few minutes later DH came stumbling back through the overgrown area, face bright red looking like he’d seen a ghost! I asked what was wrong and he gestured towards the car and hurried off towards it. We got in and this is what had happened at the cave … DH heard the woman approaching the cave, assumed it was me - hid in said cave and then shouted “you’re scared!” Apparently the woman jumped out of her skin - DH came out of the cave, realised what he’d done and then basically made a hasty exit leaving the woman looking a little confused. I thought it was hilarious - thankfully he didn’t say anything more inappropriate considering some of the daft stuff DH and I say to each other when nobody is around! He is somehow blaming me and not seeing the funny side. I can’t understand why he didn’t just apologise and tell her he thought it was his wife approaching! God knows what she must have thought and id love to know what she said to her husband afterwards 😂 AIBU to find it funny?! Despite how mortified DH is?

HomeTheatreSystem · 06/05/2025 06:40

Your poor DH! He'll be dining out on that one in years to come 😆

Coffeeishot · 06/05/2025 06:45

Oh no that is pretty funny, I'd maybe leave it now he's obviously upset about it poor man 😂

Agix · 06/05/2025 06:46

I don't think it's very funny and can see why your husband is mortified. He made a silly assumption and it resulted in a mistake, and he's rightly concerned about his actions. You finding it funny is probably not helpful to him at all, he's feeling rotten about it right now. Try approaching it with a little more reassurance.

Certainly not your fault at all though, of course. All him, this one.

whynotmereally · 06/05/2025 06:47

Very embarrassing but how could it be your fault, you weren’t even there

Wholikesbreadandhoney · 06/05/2025 06:49

a cave type thing with some statues inside it

Are you talking about a religious grotto? Your description sounds quite disrespectful.

I would have been really embarrassed if I'd done something similar to your DH but I don't see why he's blaming you. Not your fault another tourist came along.

Hadalifeonce · 06/05/2025 06:49

In my experience, situations like that normally end up in all 4 people having a bit of a laugh.

Fimofriend · 06/05/2025 06:50

Does he have a habit of blaming you for his own mistakes?

Original poster

Dreco · 06/05/2025 06:55

Wholikesbreadandhoney · 06/05/2025 06:49

a cave type thing with some statues inside it

Are you talking about a religious grotto? Your description sounds quite disrespectful.

I would have been really embarrassed if I'd done something similar to your DH but I don't see why he's blaming you. Not your fault another tourist came along.

Edited

No it wasn’t religious! It was fishermen statues, made of wood.

OP posts:

Walkingonmoss · 06/05/2025 07:00

It’s not even remotely funny. That poor woman. She must have been terrified. He should have apologized and explained and checked she was okay. A lone woman in an enclosed space with a man trying to scare her. Hardly hilarious.

You have no idea of her background or experiences, whether she has a history of trauma or assault, and yet your reaction is ‘LOL’, rather than checking she is ok, and making sure she gets an explanation of what happened, so that she can understand it.

Shameful behaviour from both you and your husband. Are both 12?

spoonbillstretford · 06/05/2025 07:04

Haha! Your DH doesn't seem to have a good sense of humour. We would both be in bits laughing about that.

Original poster

Dreco · 06/05/2025 07:04

Walkingonmoss · 06/05/2025 07:00

It’s not even remotely funny. That poor woman. She must have been terrified. He should have apologized and explained and checked she was okay. A lone woman in an enclosed space with a man trying to scare her. Hardly hilarious.

You have no idea of her background or experiences, whether she has a history of trauma or assault, and yet your reaction is ‘LOL’, rather than checking she is ok, and making sure she gets an explanation of what happened, so that she can understand it.

Shameful behaviour from both you and your husband. Are both 12?

You’re assuming a lot here! Firstly we were both back in the car before I even found out what had happened - secondly the woman had already rejoined her husband and was laughing as we started driving away! Yea of course she was startled when it first happened - who wouldn’t be! But myself and her husband were literally feet away and when I said “cave” I mean it was a shallow dent in the cliff with just enough room for a few wooden statues to stand - not a dark deep cave!

OP posts:

Bundleflower · 06/05/2025 07:10

Walkingonmoss · 06/05/2025 07:00

It’s not even remotely funny. That poor woman. She must have been terrified. He should have apologized and explained and checked she was okay. A lone woman in an enclosed space with a man trying to scare her. Hardly hilarious.

You have no idea of her background or experiences, whether she has a history of trauma or assault, and yet your reaction is ‘LOL’, rather than checking she is ok, and making sure she gets an explanation of what happened, so that she can understand it.

Shameful behaviour from both you and your husband. Are both 12?

The life you lead sounds unduly complex and full of hastily scraped together worse case scenarios.

OP, hahahahaha. Obviously the other couple will have figured out he thought it was you. Your husband is just cringing and wants it to be someone else’s fault. I’d be telling this little story for years to come 😂

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 06/05/2025 07:11

I would be laughing too. Once your husband gets over his embarrassment he'll laugh about it with you (hopefully) 🤣

Sugargliderwombat · 06/05/2025 07:12

So funny but embarrassing enough that I can see it would take your OP a couple of days to get over the shame of it 😂.

ApricotLime · 06/05/2025 07:21

Strange of him not to apologise and explain and to blame you

Gyozas · 06/05/2025 07:24

Walkingonmoss · 06/05/2025 07:00

It’s not even remotely funny. That poor woman. She must have been terrified. He should have apologized and explained and checked she was okay. A lone woman in an enclosed space with a man trying to scare her. Hardly hilarious.

You have no idea of her background or experiences, whether she has a history of trauma or assault, and yet your reaction is ‘LOL’, rather than checking she is ok, and making sure she gets an explanation of what happened, so that she can understand it.

Shameful behaviour from both you and your husband. Are both 12?

Mumsnet never fails to entertain with truly excellent overreactions 🤣🤣🤣

Mumof2heroes · 06/05/2025 07:27

Walkingonmoss · 06/05/2025 07:00

It’s not even remotely funny. That poor woman. She must have been terrified. He should have apologized and explained and checked she was okay. A lone woman in an enclosed space with a man trying to scare her. Hardly hilarious.

You have no idea of her background or experiences, whether she has a history of trauma or assault, and yet your reaction is ‘LOL’, rather than checking she is ok, and making sure she gets an explanation of what happened, so that she can understand it.

Shameful behaviour from both you and your husband. Are both 12?

Really? Do you suck the joy out of every situation or just on MN?

MellowCritic · 06/05/2025 07:31

Walkingonmoss · 06/05/2025 07:00

It’s not even remotely funny. That poor woman. She must have been terrified. He should have apologized and explained and checked she was okay. A lone woman in an enclosed space with a man trying to scare her. Hardly hilarious.

You have no idea of her background or experiences, whether she has a history of trauma or assault, and yet your reaction is ‘LOL’, rather than checking she is ok, and making sure she gets an explanation of what happened, so that she can understand it.

Shameful behaviour from both you and your husband. Are both 12?

You have.gone massively over the top here. The entire world can't make an error in case someone has past trauma? Seriously, get over yourself. The dh is not out of order. He thought he was talking to his wife. He never intended on speaking to a stranger and the reason op might be laughing is at her husbands error not scaring a woman or re birthing some potential past trauma that op has no idea about.

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 06/05/2025 07:33

The over reactions on here are nearly as hilarious as your story OP, I just read it out to my DH and we were both laughing. I do think it’s weird he’s blaming you though but I’m sure he’ll get over it!

honeylulu · 06/05/2025 07:34

Oops! He was probably startled himself and didn't think quickly enough to make a good humoured apology and style it out, which would have been ideal. He's probably now stinging with embarassment and wishing he'd recovered the situation differently. Blaming you is just deflecting.

If it makes him feel better I once jumped out at colleague in the office (we were always pranking each other) ... except it wasn't him, it was one of the top bods from head office. Mortifying.

Original poster

Dreco · 06/05/2025 07:36

Update, DH has just said to me “you’re scared!” As I came out of the bathroom - we both laughed - I think he’s starting to see the funny side 😂

OP posts:

3luckystars · 06/05/2025 07:37

He is just embarrassed and will laugh at it eventually.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 06/05/2025 07:39

😂

tanstaafl · 06/05/2025 07:39

slight missing the point but who shouts “you’re scared”?

Boo! - too old fashioned now?

Boosey · 06/05/2025 07:41

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 06/05/2025 07:33

The over reactions on here are nearly as hilarious as your story OP, I just read it out to my DH and we were both laughing. I do think it’s weird he’s blaming you though but I’m sure he’ll get over it!

Exactly this! It’s situational comedy gold! Mildly embarrassing, mildly alarming but no biggie.