DH embarrassed and blaming me

[Dreco]

Currently in Italy. Yesterday DH and I went to the pier, it was pretty isolated, just a couple of men fishing. I saw a cave type thing with some statues inside it so we went to have a look however as we made our way towards it the ground became quite overgrown and difficult so I said he should go ahead and I’ll wait here for him. Told him to take photos. As I headed back I passed a couple who surprisingly spoke English (first English speaking people I’d spoken to since arriving). We exchanged pleasantries and then the woman went ahead to the cave - her DH held back like I did.

a few minutes later DH came stumbling back through the overgrown area, face bright red looking like he’d seen a ghost! I asked what was wrong and he gestured towards the car and hurried off towards it. We got in and this is what had happened at the cave …

DH heard the woman approaching the cave, assumed it was me - hid in said cave and then shouted “you’re scared!” Apparently the woman jumped out of her skin - DH came out of the cave, realised what he’d done and then basically made a hasty exit leaving the woman looking a little confused.

I thought it was hilarious - thankfully he didn’t say anything more inappropriate considering some of the daft stuff DH and I say to each other when nobody is around! He is somehow blaming me and not seeing the funny side. I can’t understand why he didn’t just apologise and tell her he thought it was his wife approaching! God knows what she must have thought and id love to know what she said to her husband afterwards 😂

AIBU to find it funny?! Despite how mortified DH is?

Fucking hell

Exactly this. 👆 These sorts of embarrassing errors must be happening thousands of times a day, every day, the world over - it's no biggie. I've done this sort of thing a few times in my (long) life and regardless of how embarrassing, I've just apologised to my "victim" and laughed it off (as have they). The last time was a few years ago at LGW: after checking in with DH and walking through the busy lounge, thinking DH was immediately behind me, I half-turned and said "Shall we get a coffee sweetheart?" to which the total stranger, who was directly behind me, replied in a voice I didn't recognise "Alright darling". Jeez, I could feel the heat of embarrassment overtake my entire body, but we had a good laugh about it - and so did DH when he caught up with me! 🙄😂

Your response is perfectly reasonable Bug, but Donna is inviting us to "ignore the context" - heaven only knows why! 🙄

A lone woman in an enclosed space with a man trying to scare her.

Except he thought it was his wife not an unknown lone woman.

Yes, he should have apologised and checked she was OK, but he doesn't need to offer to pay for therapy in case she has PTSD from a previous experience

My initial comment was:

a cave type thing with some statues inside it
Are you talking about a religious grotto? Your description sounds quite disrespectful.
I would have been really embarrassed if I'd done something similar to your DH but I don't see why he's blaming you. Not your fault another tourist came along.

Please explain what is offensive about that.

In none of my posts have I said anything about trauma.
Apart from saying something about respecting local customs all my other posts have been about the laugh emoji!

I think Jesus would see the funny side of this event.

Except you chose to jump to a conclusion that OP was being disrespectful without checking your facts first.

I quoted you as I got you confused with walkingonmoss by the looks of it - although I do think you’re conducting a fair amount of policing yourself with the emoji debate - I thought you were one and the same person.

Sorry for the mix up! not sorry for making the general point regarding the other posters comment though but don’t take that part to heart of it doesn’t apply of course.

Fwiw, I have PTSD from a SA that happened 20 years ago. This, would have had me laughing at both the unexpected fright and at his clear embarrassment immediately afterwards. But some of us who have been through trauma can still have a sense of humour 😁

You didn't see it, OP did. I think I would trust the person who actually saw the statues more than someone exercising their imagination.

I think you are clutching at straws here.

I questioned what the cave actually was because I know that a lot of these are of religious significance to local people.

I hardly think that warrants the abuse I've got on the thread.

Especially since I agreed with OP. her H shouldn't be blaming her.!

"Ignore the context ..." Why? Context is everything. Without context we fail to understand the reality of a situation. Only a fool would "ignore the context".

OP's husband would be suitably mortified at the stir his actions have caused on MN this here morning 😂😂😂.

I'm not " policing" the thread

I'm taking exception to the number of posters mocking me for posting a valid opinion.

I should have a right to post without the thread bullies mocking me.

I'm sure he will laugh about it one day, he's obviously too embarrassed right now to see the funny side, I would have wet myself laughing if it was my husband and so would he

"Posting a reply and pointing out why you think it's stupid is totally different from putting a mocking emoji on a post that only the poster can see."
You seem to have got really worked up about the fact that a PP has posted a laughing emoji on one of your serious comments as a means of expressing their disagreement with you, rather than writing an explicit comment. Why does this bother you so much and why do you interpret it as "mocking" you? And why did you "out" yourself for being "mocked" when only you could have known about the alleged "mocking" because only you could see the emoji?
A couple of days ago I received a laughing emoji on all of my comments on a serious thread (rather than the light-hearted one here) from another poster who clearly disagreed with me. I didn't interpret them as "mocking" me and - I couldn't have cared less even if they were since their own actual comments were beyond ludicrous.
Maybe take a break from this thread and watch Monty Python's "Argument Clinic" sketch to give yourself a chuckle - it always works for me, but then, I'm very old. 😂

Please stop. You’re making it worse. 🤣 you told people off for laughing at your ‘different opinion’ comment, you can’t now tell them off for their own use of emojis.

They are not " expressing disagreement"

They are mocking me for saying what I legitimately had the right to say.

" Laugh " emoji on a serious comment is derision, not disagreement with the point being made.

It is a deliberate bullying tactics because it is done surreptitiously in an unpleasant ,nasty way.

I'm not " telling any one off".

I am expressing disgust at mockery and bullying.

‘You’re scared’ 🤣

Based on some of these responses, I’m surprised that someone isn’t asking ‘does he always tell you how you should be feeling?’

Oh dear. Well, if you're determined to interpret it as "mocking" there's not much else to say. 😏

I might, gently of course, suggest that this thread is probably affecting you more than it needs to and it might be better for you to stop looking at it. That isn’t meant to be condescending or anything, just a thought.

My DH did something similar, my DM’s house is at the end of an alley on the corner.DH was round the corner working on the fence, with his air pods in. Woman comes out of the alley just as he was turning to face her, even worse he was holding a HAMMER. Poor woman had the shock of her life, he immediately apologised and luckily she saw the funny side. He felt so guilty afterwards.

Why do you think that having the right to say something extends to having a right not to be mocked for saying it?

Have you left something out? I can't see what he did wrong - he was working with a hammer and she came round a corner and saw him?