Worried I’m about to move in with a cocklodger

[Holly9]

DP and I are currently house hunting. We’ve had a few conversations around chores etc and some of the stuff he came out with last night has really worried me. For example with his ex he said she done the bulk of the chores but on occasion he’d do a couple hours of solid housework and he’d get ‘rewarded’ at the end 😷I asked if he was joking and he said he was being serious…

Is it wrong or me to reconsider…

I'm sure you can hold off buying somewhere together til you're more sure of the situation between you.
Definitely try before you buy into a life with him.
No matter how young or old you are, you have plenty of time to check out the goods on offer.
If his offer doesn't suit your needs, there are plenty of other suitors out there waiting to impress you. Don't be desperate & naive.

🤮- he’s telling you his standards please run fast

Do you both work?

Are you the higher earner?

Do you own more nice household things than he does?

Is there an age difference? (30s can have have a ten year difference)

And a whole lotta ick.

No. Just no.

Don't buy with him without living together and doing relationship therapy first

Fking yuk

🚩 🚩 🚩- a whole field of them.

It was him who suggested buying rather than renting, right? And lives with mummy at the moment?

Throw this one back…

It’s not the right man, not the right time.

My prediction is that he will promise the world. But his attitude to housework is utterly
misogynistic. I’d need some pretty clear evidence this isn’t true.

Read Eve Rodesky ‘Fair Play’ and agree your ‘cards’ before you move in and before you have kids if you do stay with him.

’rim job’ for house work. Eurgh.

He told you that his previous girlfriend gave him a rim job because he did a bit of housework? I've heard it all now. If this is true get the hell away from this man.

You are right to be concerned. I think I’d back track a bit and he move in with you for 6 months as a trial. I’d also be clear jobs are shared. The concern is he thought this was acceptable behaviour there’s a risk even if he pulls his weight initially that he could end up being lazy.

Eh? So he's quite happy to tell you he's been rimmed in exchange for doing a bit of hoovering. But he feels too awkward to cook in your kitchen?

Glad that you have decided to slow things down. You need a really honest conversation with him - TBH he sounds extremely juvenile and lazy if he thinks that housework is something he should only do in return for sex.

So basically he thinks housework is a woman’s job and if he helps her occasionally then he expects sexual favours in return for his selfless generosity? Run for the hills

Or the right man.

Oh poor sweet OP. He has zero respect for women. He thinks they exist to clean up after him and lick his bum hole. I wonder why he and his ex really broke up….

Run OP. The hills are that way ➡️

Fuck that shit. Why do women have such low standards. There ain’t no way in hell I would lick a man’s arsehole. And there is nothing else I would do in exchange for housework they should be doing anyway.

throw this one back.

Agree.

Imagine being of such a low class that you would say this to any women?

He hasn't an ounce of respect for himself or the OP.

Only absolute desperation would continue to see such scum as an option.

The reward for doing your own house’s housework is that the housework is done… and if you share the house it’s that your relationship is supported by you contributing. There are no other rewards and if you need them you don’t get to live with me.

It will never be the right time, he would be your first baby, then he'd expect you to do everything still plus more if you had children. Id put him back in the reject bin 🤢

You’re going to have a very exhausting life ahead. It’s a red flag, you’ve been warned and you know what you’re up against. Personally I would walk away. Not all men have that attitude and it just shows how misogynistic and immature he is. Do you really want to be stuck in a mortgage with him or fall pregnant with that??

Run for the hills

Gently op you don't know him well enough to be entering into a financial commitment with him. Either buy the house yourself or rent with him and see what he's really like. Have a long chat with him about expectations first though and make it clear you need a man not a boy.

Funny. And not wrong

Is he "rewarding" you for the chores you do too?

Gosh he litterally IS telling you…

listen!