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AIBU?

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Original poster

Worried I’m about to move in with a cocklodger

278 replies

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 18:12

DP and I are currently house hunting. We’ve had a few conversations around chores etc and some of the stuff he came out with last night has really worried me. For example with his ex he said she done the bulk of the chores but on occasion he’d do a couple hours of solid housework and he’d get ‘rewarded’ at the end 😷I asked if he was joking and he said he was being serious…

Is it wrong or me to reconsider…

OP posts:
StarDolphins · 05/05/2025 22:10

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 20:57

He said there was a time he got a rimjob (apologies for those who have recently had dinner) 😷

Show quote history

ewwww! That would kill anything for me & I’d bin him! 🤮

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 05/05/2025 22:10

OMG he sounds vile and grim. Like a prehistoric animal. Or someone living in the dark ages. Still living with mommy and daddy, and moving in with you, no WAY is he going to be sharing the housework/chores! And all the talk about sex/anal. Grim. 😖 RUN @Holly9

Also, as an aside, how come this poll is closed when the thread was only opened 4 hours ago? Confused

.

Sassybooklover · 05/05/2025 22:11

After reading your updates, I'm revising my initial response.. run. This is a man who's lived with his parents to moving in with a girlfriend and then back to his parents! At no point has he lived by himself or had to fend for himself. I can guarantee his ex broke up with him, and asked him to leave. No, you don't know 'what he's like', because he stays twice a week. You will only know what he's like once you start living with him full-time. Living with you to start, actually sounds like a better plan, you can ask him to leave if it doesn't work out. He's trying to push you into buying a property, when you've never lived together. That's a red flag. Is it because without your income he'll never be able to get on the property ladder? and also if you have a joint mortgage and are both on the Deeds, you can't ask him to leave!! The property would be just as much his, as it would be yours. You'd be stuck with him. Continue dating if you want but don't buy a property with him.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 05/05/2025 22:11

StarDolphins · 05/05/2025 22:10

ewwww! That would kill anything for me & I’d bin him! 🤮

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This. ^ Any man expecting a 'rimjob' can get in the bin.

beetr00 · 05/05/2025 22:12

@londongirl12

"and he does the drying up"

Did you have to reward him? 🙈

BonfireToffee · 05/05/2025 22:15

LaurieFairyCake · 05/05/2025 21:55

He wants you to lick his arsehole for tidying up?

well done, grimmest thing I’ve heard on Mumsnet Flowers

DUMP HIM

1000x this, OP. Sack him off, for the love of all that is holy.

sandrafarringdon66 · 05/05/2025 22:15

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 18:12

DP and I are currently house hunting. We’ve had a few conversations around chores etc and some of the stuff he came out with last night has really worried me. For example with his ex he said she done the bulk of the chores but on occasion he’d do a couple hours of solid housework and he’d get ‘rewarded’ at the end 😷I asked if he was joking and he said he was being serious…

Is it wrong or me to reconsider…

He's telling you who he is.

Listen to him.

beetr00 · 05/05/2025 22:16

BonfireToffee · 05/05/2025 22:15

1000x this, OP. Sack him off, for the love of all that is holy.

Show quote history

don't you mean holey @BonfireToffee ?

So sorry... got ma coat

Klozza · 05/05/2025 22:18

beetr00 · 05/05/2025 20:51

Don't you think that's far too early for making such a huge financial commitment, especially, with someone who expects sexual favours if he washes the dishes!

Please tread very carefully lovely.

Show quote history

This!! I bought a house with a man after a 4 and a half year relationship, most of which we lived together for and that STILL definitely wasn’t long enough for me to realise what a twat he was, and I was then stuck in a mortgage with him! Please reconsidering buying with someone after just 18 months, especially if he’s already making comments like that.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/05/2025 22:20

Every day I think to myself " there can't be worse out there. " but no, it appears they're still competeting for the scumbag of the year.

Kelly1969 · 05/05/2025 22:21

Omg 😳 is he for real??
do you really to think about it, are you happy to be his skivvy and agree to sexual favors for him to do a tiny % of his share

londongirl12 · 05/05/2025 22:23

beetr00 · 05/05/2025 22:12

@londongirl12

"and he does the drying up"

Did you have to reward him? 🙈

I meant that’s what the ops DH does 😂

BigHeadBertha · 05/05/2025 22:23

I agree with your decision that this doesn't sound like a good idea after all, at least not yet.

First, it seems like you should know him better than you do by now. I read a lot of "I don't knows" in your replies about him on basic knowledge about someone. If he's not forthcoming about his past, one wonders why.

Second, I agree with you that his comments are letting you know what he expects. Living with a man baby who doesn't do his fair share sounds very draining. Dumping all the household tasks on her also shows a deep lack of regard for his partner's comfort and wellbeing in general. Apparently, he's learned nothing from his last relationship except to go home to mommy. In fact, it sounds like he thinks that kind of lazy misogyny is cute.

Also, as has been mentioned, buying a house with someone you're not married to can turn into a giant mess if it doesn't work out. And if you're not yet at a stage to make a commitment to each other, why add the complication of committing to homeownership together. House prices go up and down but they're far from the only issue. It sounds like this guy might not even be a solid bet to sign a year long lease with. Slowing down for now sounds like a good idea to me.

Brightanddrywithsunnyspells · 05/05/2025 22:25

I think we know why he and former GF 'weren't compatible' . She wised up and kicked him out didn't she? Let him remain his parents problem; they should have trained him better. I bet they're desperate to get him out too; hence the rush.

Peacepleaselouise · 05/05/2025 22:25

Absolutely don’t do this. Buying with someone you’ve never even lived with is madness.

Shelby2010 · 05/05/2025 22:26

Personally I would have The Ick big time by now. But if you are still considering him as a long term partner, you definitely need to live together first. After all you may be ‘everything he wants’ but is he everything that YOU want?

I could understand if he didn’t want to give up a house or flat to move in with you, but he lives with his parents for goodness sake.

I expect his mum does everything for him & he doesn’t want you to realise this until you’ve made the commitment of buying a house together.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 05/05/2025 22:34

beetr00 · 05/05/2025 22:16

don't you mean holey @BonfireToffee ?

So sorry... got ma coat

Show quote history

😆

Bum-holey!

😂

.

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2025 22:43

nopity nope nope. You are just imagining this man will of course be able to cook, even though he ‘wasn’t comfortable’ doing it at yours, and he lives with mummy and daddy and he’s made comments like this about the housework?? You’d be crazy to continue the plan to buy. Conversations are hard, but having to split and sell the house is harder.

Grammarnut · 05/05/2025 22:49

Dump him.

Pallisers · 05/05/2025 23:04

This is one of those posts you hope aren't real.

OP: I am planning on buying a house with my boyfriend of 18 months. He just told me he wasn't great on housework but with his ex he would occasionally clean the kitchen/bathrooms in exchange for rimming. Should I be worried?

Any normal woman with normal boundaries would be fleeing - not worrying.

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/05/2025 23:05

At the very least you need to live together for several rmonths before you think about buying property. Long enough for all the routine, boring, cleaning jobs to need doing. Long enough for you both to think of him as living there and not just visiting. I'd probably cut my losses now tbh.

murasaki · 05/05/2025 23:20

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/05/2025 23:05

At the very least you need to live together for several rmonths before you think about buying property. Long enough for all the routine, boring, cleaning jobs to need doing. Long enough for you both to think of him as living there and not just visiting. I'd probably cut my losses now tbh.

Agree, a year rental with a six month break clause. You'll go after 6 months.

healthybychristmas · 05/05/2025 23:35

They probably weren't compatible because she wouldn't put up with his crap. It's your decision whether you put up with it but he is giving you fair warning now that it's going to be a rough ride. Personally I would thank him for the warning and wouldn't see him anymore.

Duckswaddle · 05/05/2025 23:45

Fuck me. He literally wants you to kiss his ass for generously helping around the house?

Hideous.

You know what you need to do. 18 months is no time at all. Do better.

Nanny0gg · 06/05/2025 00:00

Holly9 · 05/05/2025 20:48

We’ve been together about 18 months and are both in our 30’s.

And you're buying without having lived together??

No!!!

He wants to get out from home and you're the easiest way.

Don't do it!