Worried I’m about to move in with a cocklodger

[Holly9]

DP and I are currently house hunting. We’ve had a few conversations around chores etc and some of the stuff he came out with last night has really worried me. For example with his ex he said she done the bulk of the chores but on occasion he’d do a couple hours of solid housework and he’d get ‘rewarded’ at the end 😷I asked if he was joking and he said he was being serious…

Is it wrong or me to reconsider…

Boak

Have this conversation and set your boundaries before you do anything!

Disrespectful for him to talk about the reward part also 😵‍💫

When someone tells you who he is, believe him.

Well, yeah, of course you're everything he wanted. You've got the income that makes it possible to move out of mum's house - and you won't be able to send him back

He sounds like a sexist revolting pig, don't do it.

Ummm … 😳

This is a whole parade of red flags. He does not want to rent with your first as he knows his real self will come out and you will run for the hills.
He wants to buy a house so you are locked in.

He is a lazy fucker. Who seems not to have much gumption to manage his own. From parents to moving in with parents back to girlfriends.

I would run.

He may not see any point in moving in with you and renting before you buy, but it’s very reasonable and sensible of you to suggest a trial run. If he’s at his parents’ right now, then neither of you have anything to lose with him moving in.

I would suggest 6 months to a year, of renting together and both putting money aside towards a deposit in separate accounts. If, after the trial run, you agree you still want to buy somewhere together, you’ll have additional funds and a clearer idea of what life cohabiting will be like. You’ll both feel happy and comfortable about it. It’s a red flag if he doesn’t respect your feelings on the matter.

So if he says you know what he's like - what is he like? Does he behave like a guest in your house, or does he already do his fair share, without prompting?

Sounds like ‘everything he’s wanted’ is basically a financial leg-up to get out of his mum and dad’s place and another woman who’ll cook, clean, wipe his arse and give him a blow job every time he whips the hoover round.

Question is, OP, is that everything you’ve always wanted?

This

No mess you mean he doesn't piss all over and leave it for you to clean, like many threads on MN? Or you mean he grabs the cleaning products and makes the bathroom shine?

”Rewarded” for doing housework? Massive ick topped off with a big red flag.

OP please please PLEASE, rent with him first at least 6 months, preferably a year before buying together. You need to know what he's like to live with full time, even if he was acting like an absolute saint and promising to do 100% of the housework. If you buy and he's a fucking nightmare you'll be out thousands if you want out. House prices MIGHT keep going up but there also might be a slump on the horizon, house prices crash on average every 18 years and next year will be 18 years since the 2008 crash...

Honestly why the fuck would he say that about his ex to you too, what a prick. Urg.

For example with his ex he said she done the bulk of the chores but on occasion he’d do a couple hours of solid housework and he’d get ‘rewarded’ at the end 😷I asked if he was joking and he said he was being serious…

Did you not make it crystal clear at this point that you would not entertain this arrangement? I would have said that we need to discuss what we both consider living together would look like ad it would t be anything like that.

The thing is it's easy to help out if you stay over a couple of times a week, do dinner, wash up, clean piss off the toilet seat to impress/not disgust a girlfriend, especially if Mummy's washing and ironing his skids and doing absolutly all the hard labour of keeping a home.

Can't argue with that - but if he's already not moving a finger and claims that this is what he's like, that would be a whole parade of red flags.

I rent currently, have suggested to DP that he lives with me for a bit first but he’s a bit reluctant, says he’s here twice a week anyway so I know what he’s like by now

Well at least he got that bit right; despite the "show effort" while he's with you for a couple of days he's just told you EXACTLY what he's like, and if you're foolish enough to buy with him it'll soon become "Well I did say ..."

Don't do it.

Dies he want a good boy sticker chart as well?

I would be very worried he's going to change as soon as you're tied into a house and mortgage with him. In fact I would say it's definite he will, and that's why he doesn't want to try co-habiting first.

What he's saying about his previous relationship is that he say doing the housework as transactional. I mean, yuck.

And do you do everything or does he pull his weight?

Ew.

"Rewarded at the end".... So he'll only do housework if he gets a blow job at the end? What about doing housework because....it's his house too?

Such a shame how you can really like someone... and then they say something like this and now you have to throw the whole man away and start again

2 nights a week is still very much the honeymoon phase of a relationship.

A year in a rental should be long enough to see if he's long-term material.

I don't think I could date an adult man living at his parent's house. It would be too off putting.

Why hasn't he got himself sorted? How old is he?

Be interesting to talk to his ex!

Throw him back.